Does anyone feel dread when happy

[UnnervedCompany]

When life picks up and I have not felt suicidal in a very long time I sometimes feel heavy fear that in the near future the purgatory I was in will just come back. Currently in my life there is some hardships but nothing too bad or as bad as a while ago when I was fighting against CTB. I am now somewhat afraid that everything will just go back to how it was in my past. Does anyone else feel the same regarding being happy or at least okay in life?

 

[sadlittleman32]

When life picks up and I have not felt suicidal in a very long time I sometimes feel heavy fear that in the near future the purgatory I was in will just come back. Currently in my life there is some hardships but nothing too bad or as bad as a while ago when I was fighting against CTB. I am now somewhat afraid that everything will just go back to how it was in my past. Does anyone else feel the same regarding being happy or at least okay in life?

I've been feeling this way on/off for the last 15 years and quite frankly I'm sick it!

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Yes. And only to be proven right several times in the past when I wasn't cautious. So now have to actively remind myself to not get too ahead of myself or I'll end up hurting others again.

 

[qw3rty259]

Yeah, if you've gone through something really tough in your life you can develop severe anxiety. It's because your brain is trying to avoid the same shit happening to you again. Especially if something you went through was unexpected, your brain might start to expect a catch when everything goes too well i.e. thinking that something bad is about to happen

 

[Innereye]

First I need to know what happiness feels like in the first place

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Sometimes, usually because I know that happiness will go away.

 

[xulam]

When life picks up and I have not felt suicidal in a very long time I sometimes feel heavy fear that in the near future the purgatory I was in will just come back. Currently in my life there is some hardships but nothing too bad or as bad as a while ago when I was fighting against CTB. I am now somewhat afraid that everything will just go back to how it was in my past. Does anyone else feel the same regarding being happy or at least okay in life?

I do, whenever i'm slightly better I feel kinda guilty? as if i'm going against who i am, because it's what i'm used to. It's all too unstable. I feel so afraid of getting worse, that i make myself worse.

 

[Surai]

Often in the midst of a "happy moment" I get sudden dread of the moments leading up after it ends knowing Ill be back to a trough after a peak. It worsens my "happy moment" making it feel fake knowing the long constant trough that follows.

 

[Leiot]

All the time.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah, right now. I've "felt better" only for a matter of hours after drinking good coffee & shaving my face and head & showering. I think I can have a normal afternoon? Feels kind of like stepping into a rickety boat. Don't want to lean too much on this mood.

 

[betteroffthandead]

I struggle with this fear at times since I've fallen back into depression so many times after feeling somewhat better for a little while. There's actually a term for this fear — it's called cherophobia. I thought it might be useful for you to know, in case you ever want to look up resources such as coping strategies, or if you just want to feel less alone in your experience.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Yes and no, honestly I've felt the same way for going on 3 years. so I don't except things to get any better, I'm used to feeling this way now.

 

[cosmic-realism]

In my life of 21 years,I have never been happy enough to feel that "yes,this is life.I want to live".Happiness makes me wanna die even more,because I know my life is not such that it would let me keep that happiness for more than a few hours.

 

[Goosechan]

I do, whenever i'm slightly better I feel kinda guilty? as if i'm going against who i am, because it's what i'm used to. It's all too unstable. I feel so afraid of getting worse, that i make myself worse.

Right there with you on the guilt. Like all my negative feelings like wanting to CTB and sadness and pain aren't real. If they were real, why would I be able to feel happiness in a certain moment? I know it's ridiculous and that feelings can coexist together and that my problems and suffering can be real even if they aren't at the forefront of my mind all the time. But still the guilt is so real. It's also comforting to stay miserable in a way, because I know already what it is like and mostly nothing unexpected will happen. All these complicated feelings make it hard to commit to recovery a lot of the time.

 

[FeyB]

When life picks up and I have not felt suicidal in a very long time I sometimes feel heavy fear that in the near future the purgatory I was in will just come back. Currently in my life there is some hardships but nothing too bad or as bad as a while ago when I was fighting against CTB. I am now somewhat afraid that everything will just go back to how it was in my past. Does anyone else feel the same regarding being happy or at least okay in life?

Totally, last CTB attempt was when I was happy, because I thought it wouldn't be better than that. Turns out I was wrong but the feeling comes back crawling more often than I'd like to admit it