Hi guys, its that time in India where the festive season begins .. Family get-togethers , family functions etc . it is making me more depressed , I just can't bear to even think abt it. My urge to ctb is super high but my method SN is not with me yet. It is very selfish that I get jealous of others enjoying with their family and me alone hoping to end my life, but I can't help it. I keep getting more and more depressed when I see others enjoying knowing the fact that I could have been in their position but I fucked my life up myself to the point where there is no return possible. Does anyone else feel the same ?
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Every year. Everyone around me is in love and/or having babies, my old friends have lovers for the most part, my ex has a lover and I'm alone, eating away at my soul and morality to the point I can't forgive myself... not to mention I live in Canada so I have a crappy cold winter to look forward to. Everything gets dead and dreary here.
You aren't alone brother
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,298
WhiteDespair
The Temporary Problem is Life
- Oct 24, 2019
- 837
Definitely has improved over the years after I made the conscious decision not to do anything. Blocked my aunt last month. This year might be better since I won't have to deal with her. Overall, I go through my contacts and send out emails and texts to everyone. Getting replies cuts the sting.
takeyourshotfunboy
Smile...
- Oct 11, 2019
- 206
I get depressed around Christmas, but I actually like Halloween and although I am not planning to CTB on a certain day, I know I am going to CTB after this Halloween because I want to spend one last Halloween with my friends.
For the past couple of years I have not met up with family. I can't bear to hear about their lives, families, careers, kids, girlfriends/wives, vacations, etc when I have none. I dont' like being alone, but the alternative is worse. In that sense, the holiday season is no different than any other time as long as I can avoid people. Nobody is hiring for a living wage where i can pay rent and live like a human being, and my family is not helping me network within their workplace when they could put the effort in. They're like strangers to me at this point. I cannot wait to permanently get away from these people./
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Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
I do as my mom and brother are no longer here.
This year though I've said I'm not cooking so let's go out. No presents for us only the dogs and my niece. Then take the dogs to Scotland in January
This year though I've said I'm not cooking so let's go out. No presents for us only the dogs and my niece. Then take the dogs to Scotland in January
Wreck-it-Riley
My demon will see me undone
- Oct 20, 2019
- 269
Halloween is the big holiday for me, Samhain. But after that is a long slide of every day being reminded that my family never wanted me. They had 15 years to save my sister and i from daily rape and abuse, and didnt even reach out until i was 20 a drove a BMW. Then its all "Oh, we missed your whole childhood, how are you?" like our social workers had never reached out.
Holidays are fake, capitalist and empty. That is why right after Christmas is a huge tide of death. Busiest time of the year for funeral homes.
Holidays are fake, capitalist and empty. That is why right after Christmas is a huge tide of death. Busiest time of the year for funeral homes.
JTG1972
Set on my path, just need the strength
- Oct 2, 2019
- 51
The holidays are hard for me, yes. On the one hand I enjoy the time with my wife. On the other, she leaves to visit family (I am invited but never go because of anxiety and my size) and I just feel alone.
This year is harder still because I planned to ctb when she leaves in December, but now she is talking about 'when I start my job' and our future, and it is very jarring because I have no plans to do any of that, and hearing her say it just hits me strangely and makes me want to go sooner.
This year is harder still because I planned to ctb when she leaves in December, but now she is talking about 'when I start my job' and our future, and it is very jarring because I have no plans to do any of that, and hearing her say it just hits me strangely and makes me want to go sooner.
