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LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
Every time I feel that something has actually gone my way for a change, or I've had a stroke of good luck or in general I could feel a bit more upbeat, my anxiety just takes over and I 100% convince myself that things are only good because something is going to go horribly wrong or that something really, really bad is coming?! I also feel sometimes that at some point in my life that something awful is going to happen to me due to all the bad choices I've made. Has anyone had therapy to help them with these kind of feelings? If so, what did you have and was it useful?
 
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WhiteDespair

WhiteDespair

The Temporary Problem is Life
Oct 24, 2019
837
Yeah. Every so often I'll get a feeling of absolute dread that I've been here before because I saw it in a dream or something and something major is going to go wrong. It usually end with me CtB.

I mostly have to tell myself that it isn't real and I probably never saw it in a dream. But, man, that dread hits hard. Eventually, I get to the point where I stop caring about it and see what happens.

Lately my luck has been insanely good and it just seems to keep building. I'm rolling with it.
 
T

TheSuicidalEccentric

The universe is wonderful.
Feb 23, 2020
438
My luck lately has been terrible and made me very stressed out.
 
Sabriel

Sabriel

for in that sleep of death what dreams may come
Jul 23, 2019
209
DBT therapy and trying not to self-sabotage yourself. It helped while I was actively in therapy but as soon as I stopped I started forgetting to practice the "skills" they teach you. It's hard, for me at least, to take seriously and utilize the methods they teach you unless I have a therapist actively encouraging me to.
 
RottenDeer

RottenDeer

Rotten to the core.
Feb 29, 2020
157
I don't get anxious, no. I just know that it will be soon turning into something bad again, so I honestly don't give many thoughts on it and just wait it out.
 
Suicide_vampire

Suicide_vampire

In Vino Veritas
Feb 11, 2020
426
This is a very common feeling. When you are used to things going wrong, you reckon they will go wrong again, so you are unable to feel good when things go right.
II tend to self sabotage because it's easier knowing I'm too blame for bad occurrences rather than waiting not knowing when they will go wrong.
 
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E

Esc9434

Student
Feb 25, 2020
192
I always tend to work from the worst case scenario in most situations.
 
LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
Yeah. Every so often I'll get a feeling of absolute dread that I've been here before because I saw it in a dream or something and something major is going to go wrong. It usually end with me CtB.

I mostly have to tell myself that it isn't real and I probably never saw it in a dream. But, man, that dread hits hard. Eventually, I get to the point where I stop caring about it and see what happens.

Lately my luck has been insanely good and it just seems to keep building. I'm rolling with it.
I need to take a leaf out of your book and just try my best to go along with it.
I always tend to work from the worst case scenario in most situations.
Same! I just automatically assume the worst that way I can never be properly disappointed or surprised!
This is a very common feeling. When you are used to things going wrong, you reckon they will go wrong again, so you are unable to feel good when things go right.
II tend to self sabotage because it's easier knowing I'm too blame for bad occurrences rather than waiting not knowing when they will go wrong.
Yeah I totally understand. My mother always says things like "well try to think a bit more positive". She means well but its not that easy is it?
DBT therapy and trying not to self-sabotage yourself. It helped while I was actively in therapy but as soon as I stopped I started forgetting to practice the "skills" they teach you. It's hard, for me at least, to take seriously and utilize the methods they teach you unless I have a therapist actively encouraging me to.
How long did you have DBT for?
 
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Sabriel

Sabriel

for in that sleep of death what dreams may come
Jul 23, 2019
209
On and off last year with an individual therapist, then in group therapy for 6 weeks. I still have a stack of handouts and maybe 2-3 workbooks about it just laying around unread. It's really difficult for me to challenge my own thinking someone else to be my sounding board.

I haven't had many moments in my life where everything was going well, but when they were, I'd tend to panic instead of just staying the course. So many regrets...
 
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Fredman

Fredman

Member
Mar 1, 2020
18
Good times make me anxious for a different reason. It makes me question catching the bus. It gives me hope and it scares me. Maybe CBT is a terrible mistake.
 
LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
Good times make me anxious for a different reason. It makes me question catching the bus. It gives me hope and it scares me. Maybe CBT is a terrible mistake.
I know what you mean, like I know it would solve all my problems, but what if it didn't.. the anxiety ruins it
 
mesohappy

mesohappy

Cat piss sammich??
Jan 10, 2020
674
I never had any therapy for it,but yes I experience the same thing..Im always waiting for the next shoe to drop.And if I accomplish anything good/feel good,I almost expect to be punished for it.Like I don't deserve it.It seems I can never look at the bright side.The last girl I dated left me and told me it was because "Im a miserable person". Im trying though,little by little, day by day.Trying to focus on the victories and fuck the "what ifs".
 
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Eridanos

Eridanos

Confused
Feb 24, 2020
51
I can relate so much with what you are saying.
I am starting to feel generally better with antidepressants but this has brought up a lot of mental stress, I always feel guilty about feeling better because deep down I know that things are going to go bad again, as usual.
 
LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
I can relate so much with what you are saying.
I am starting to feel generally better with antidepressants but this has brought up a lot of mental stress, I always feel guilty about feeling better because deep down I know that things are going to go bad again, as usual.
Its not a nice feeling is it. And it's the constant feeling of dread that makes things 10 times more awful! DM me if you ever need to talk
 
marcusuk63

marcusuk63

CTB
Mar 24, 2019
1,735
I`m only 56 so i`ll let you know when it happens .
 
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palatinus

Member
Mar 7, 2020
50
You feel like a nail, waiting for the hammer?
 
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the box is empty

the box is empty

Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you fly.
Mar 8, 2020
356
It's weird not being able to trust your own happiness.
 
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ghostspace

ghostspace

ghost space, ghosts pace
Feb 10, 2020
410
To me, it feels like when the ocean draws back right before a tsunami. That, and I know I don't deserve anything good, so I'm forever waiting for the catch, or sabotage it myself.
 
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
Yes.

It's been a general trend throughout my life, but the major recent thing has been managing to land a good job during campus recruitments. I keep wondering whether the fact that I used my personal email during the application process instead of the university one will lead to me losing my job. Even though the logical side of me knows that it isn't actually important.
 
ladolcemorte

ladolcemorte

Experienced
May 5, 2019
286
Yes...1000 times yes. The last time I allowed myself to feel happy and appreciate the good in my life it all collapsed within a matter of days.

Now, I recognize that things did not go badly BECAUSE I allowed myself to feel joy, but the association is still strong.

The other day I got an unexpected cheque in the mail. When I opened it, I freaked out and threw it across the room as if it were a hot coal. I thought "oh great this means something terrible is going to happen". I was so superstitious that this good thing would trigger a terrible thing that I almost didn't cash the cheque! I did cash it, of course. But now I'm walking around with a (completely irrational) sense of impending doom. More doom-ish than usual.
 
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WhiteDespair

WhiteDespair

The Temporary Problem is Life
Oct 24, 2019
837
Yes.

It's been a general trend throughout my life, but the major recent thing has been managing to land a good job during campus recruitments. I keep wondering whether the fact that I used my personal email during the application process instead of the university one will lead to me losing my job. Even though the logical side of me knows that it isn't actually important.
No one should care unless you bring it up and make people care. Many problems can be avoided by simply STFU.
 
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porfin1234

porfin1234

Arcanist
Dec 26, 2019
476
Yea at this point I've learned anything good in my life I manage to destroy and sabotage. I think I just believe I don't deserve to be happy because I'm a horrible human being.
 
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randomz

randomz

Specialist
Nov 4, 2019
395
That's me totally. Every time something good happens to me I feel like I don't deserve it at all and end up blaming myself for what a horrible person I am and that everything I have is just because of luck. I don't know how delusional my thoughts are, people have said to me that they are, that I deserve what I work for, but something in my mind just can not accept the fact that I am more than a little piece of street garbage carried forward by the wind (luck).

I hate myself. If only my SI was not so strong.....and didn't have some hope for the future....
 
the box is empty

the box is empty

Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you fly.
Mar 8, 2020
356
Yea at this point I've learned anything good in my life I manage to destroy and sabotage. I think I just believe I don't deserve to be happy because I'm a horrible human being.

I know that feeling. So many shitty things have happened that the only common denominator is me. So it' me that's the problem.
 
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