Discussion Does anyone here have any self-harming tics?

[TheUncommon]

I have some kind of pseudo-seizure / tic disorder that I don't think has been officially diagnosed (they don't want to call it epilepsy despite around 6-7 grand mal seizures occurring in the past year, many of which were seen by paramedics in the ambulance).

Before these, I have had these temporary bursts of energy that play out involuntarily and cannot be stopped. Of these, many of them are me punching, slapping, or reaching for my ears. If I happen to have a sharp object in my hands during one of the "punching" tics, I run the risk of stabbing myself deeply.

One of my psychiatrists calls these "tics". I don't know if this is accurate. It feels like a form of failed impulse control, and something pretty much on the edge of involuntary movement and controllable movement. Does anyone else here have seemingly involuntary movements that result in harm to ones self? Do you know if your movements are due to Tourette's, a seizure related symptom, ADHD, or something else? I'm not looking to apply your diagnoses to myself, I just want to know if the issues I have exist with other people.

 

[GlassMoon]

I also have some form of tics, but also no formal diagnosis for them. They appear when I recall certain memories. Recently, I also started to hold my ears closed when memories which are too intense come in. Vocal or movement tics (shaking the head) are also there, but gladly so far, only when I recall memories while no-one is around, that's why nobody noticed until I told them about it. I think that sharing the contents of the vocal tics with somebody in writing requires a lot of trust, and the certainty that they won't read them out loud, since I can not bear that.

I've looked into cPTSD, that might be fitting, but I don't officially have a trauma. The psychologist told me the tic is an action performed by the brain to skip over emotions, or to reject them, which unfortunately does not work. A better way would be using mindfulness to note that there is a memory with an unwanted emotion attached to it, but it requires practice. Also, confrontation therapy was advised, where one tries to dive into problematic memories, trying not to perform the tic.

Luckily, I have not been holding objects that could harm me while performing the tics, but there has been another almost critical incident which I would not like to share yet.

 

[TheUncommon]

I also have some form of tics, but also no formal diagnosis for them. They appear when I recall certain memories. Recently, I also started to hold my ears closed when memories which are too intense come in. Vocal or movement tics (shaking the head) are also there, but gladly so far, only when I recall memories while no-one is around, that's why nobody noticed until I told them about it. I think that sharing the contents of the vocal tics with somebody in writing requires a lot of trust, and the certainty that they won't read them out loud, since I can not bear that.

I've looked into cPTSD, that might be fitting, but I don't officially have a trauma. The psychologist told me the tic is an action performed by the brain to skip over emotions, or to reject them, which unfortunately does not work. A better way would be using mindfulness to note that there is a memory with an unwanted emotion attached to it, but it requires practice. Also, confrontation therapy was advised, where one tries to dive into problematic memories, trying not to perform the tic.

Luckily, I have not been holding objects that could harm me while performing the tics, but there has been another almost critical incident which I would not like to share yet.

It's... frightening how much of that is a direct duplicate of my experience. I didn't type it, but you summarised my own experience with each action you described. It's very uncomfortably similar.

There are some differences, like I've said, they've been happening more often in public, and I've had to leave public areas prematurely in only the past few days since I was visibly spiraling. I wish I could get looked at professionally for this, but that begs for money, a job, and transportation, the combination of which cannot all coexist simultaneously in my world. I'm sure I have countless traumas that I don't even remember or can recognise as traumas due to bad memory after a car accident. There's not much I wouldn't give for someone to sort all of this out for me.

I really appreciate the fact that you responded. It's been my only confirmation that I'm not completely lunatic in these reactions.

 

[DeeDog]

I'd probably need to talk to a therapist to confirm that they're tics, but I think I do something similar. Sometimes I'll just punch or scratch myself when I just feel… too much? Idk if it's acc an involuntary thing or some part of my OCD. It feels less involuntary and more automatic if that makes sense. It's similar with your thing with the memories though, and also usually only happens when I'm by myself. Sometimes I'll start scratching myself underneath clothing if I'm really overwhelmed in public. I can tell it comes from a place of self-hatred though, rather than any kind of trauma, pretty insignificant social blunders can make start scratching or punching myself, but again idk if it's acc a tic. Though now I'm thinking about it I do have one that's just kind of a stabbing motion on my leg, no real harm involved.

(I kinda go into SH detail in the next paragraph so if that might trigger u, give it a miss)

When you say bursts of energy though I think I know exactly what you mean. It happened whilst I was cutting once and I did cut deeper than I ever had before, and just did a bunch in quick succession. I usually do it pretty shallow so I wasn't in any amount of danger, but it was the first time I'd ever seen my own dermis, so I was kinda freaked out. Left some thick ugly scars too. It might come from those "harm reduction" techniques tho; I think the punching thing might come from a suggestion from my mum, when she told me I could try hitting myself in the head whenever I feel the urge to cut. And I think the redness of the scratches just feels more… satisfying?? Idk lol. I think I might be waffling. Ur defo not alone in what ur going thru tho, so u shouldn't feel like a lunatic lol.

 

[GlassMoon]

I really appreciate the fact that you responded. It's been my only confirmation that I'm not completely lunatic in these reactions.

I've looking for someone with the same experiences for a while as well, and I'm so glad to have found your post!

I'd probably need to talk to a therapist to confirm that they're tics, but I think I do something similar. Sometimes I'll just punch or scratch myself when I just feel… too much? Idk if it's acc an involuntary thing or some part of my OCD. It feels less involuntary and more automatic if that makes sense. It's similar with your thing with the memories though, and also usually only happens when I'm by myself. Sometimes I'll start scratching myself underneath clothing if I'm really overwhelmed in public. I can tell it comes from a place of self-hatred though, rather than any kind of trauma, pretty insignificant social blunders can make start scratching or punching myself, but again idk if it's acc a tic. Though now I'm thinking about it I do have one that's just kind of a stabbing motion on my leg, no real harm involved.

I can relate to that... for me, it sometimes feels automatic, and I feel that I might be able to interrupt it. Sometimes, when more intense memories surface too quickly, it happens fully involuntarily without any chance to interrupt it. It's interesting that you are also doing it mostly when you're on your own, too. Maybe that's when we dive sufficiently deep into those memories? Social blunders, yes, or the feeling of having overstepped also cause them for me, especially when those events occur in a discussion where I'm stressed. It can also happen when I re-read messages where I wrote something that sounds stupid or arrogant in hindsight.

I think the way these problematic memories are created is best described by a scene from Inside Out 2:

Spoiler: Inside Out 2

There is a scene where the girls are inside a car, and in each of their heads, "Doubt" is analyzing their facial expressions for minute signs of lying or uncertainty (IIRC). I think in my head, it works the same way - somebody analyzes the facial expressions and articulations of people, and if there is any sign of discomfort in them, the memory is marked as "tainted".

 

[bitcrush]

Yeah i get something like this. Idk if they're tics though, I've never been diagnosed with any tic disorder. I'll slap myself in the face randomly or when I remember something cringy or embarrassing. I have some other "tics" too but most of them are pretty harmless, like making random noises or twitching my face. Luckily I can supress them when I'm around other people.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I have some kind of pseudo-seizure / tic disorder that I don't think has been officially diagnosed (they don't want to call it epilepsy despite around 6-7 grand mal seizures occurring in the past year, many of which were seen by paramedics in the ambulance).

Before these, I have had these temporary bursts of energy that play out involuntarily and cannot be stopped. Of these, many of them are me punching, slapping, or reaching for my ears. If I happen to have a sharp object in my hands during one of the "punching" tics, I run the risk of stabbing myself deeply.

One of my psychiatrists calls these "tics". I don't know if this is accurate. It feels like a form of failed impulse control, and something pretty much on the edge of involuntary movement and controllable movement. Does anyone else here have seemingly involuntary movements that result in harm to ones self? Do you know if your movements are due to Tourette's, a seizure related symptom, ADHD, or something else? I'm not looking to apply your diagnoses to myself, I just want to know if the issues I have exist with other people.

I've got ADHD myself and I do tend to do stuff like this quite frequently at times, but when I feel powerless or overwhelmed I cut my throat lightly very light since I always stop myself before I put any more pressure, can't say the same when its involving my legs because I have stabbed myself with small knifes, like nail file sized kinda knifes, or small blades or pins, but these fits your describe remind me of myself, I'm really trying not to hit myself recently, I know I look like a genuine tweaker or some shit if somone where to see these fits, and well people have because I've been dealing with fits very similar to this all my life basically and somones bound to see my idiocy in the span of these 20 years I've been "alive" I've never thought to think of them being like a form of tics though but I'd never think of that unless brought up by somone else like in this post, I just say that since anything that related to being "disabled" was and has been heavily judged or made fun of by people around me my whole life and that's without a doubt.