Discussion 'Don't Retaliate'

[Forever Sleep]

Were you taught that at school? I was. It makes sense in terms of a school or, society at large I suppose. They don't want aggression/ violence escalating. Still, what do you think about it as a rule?

As far as I know, the bible contradicts itself regarding the morality of it. Both advocating for retaliation/ revenge: 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'. But, it also rejects it: 'Turn the other cheek.' Not that I'm religious but, I find the morality of it interesting.

How do you generally react? Do you retaliate or, let things go? Does it vary? Personally, if it's bullying or someone trying to dominate, I don't see why retaliation is so bad. It shows that you won't tolerate being walked over. In my experience, that might make them think twice before they do it again to you or others. Plus obviously- if a neighbouring country invades, you likely wouldn't just let them.

I suppose the ideal is to figure out why they're acting that way and react in the most controlled/ composed way possible. I've always admired people who could rebuke insults or unwanted behaviour in a non aggressive but firm, witty way.

 

[Grav]

I'm a let it slide person but usually in my head a big hammer smashes someone. I think when it comes to bullies, IMO, when they get jacked up is when they stop their behavior. As an adult it's just not worth it to get into fights over dumb things, end up arrested or sued. A few years ago a guy got into a bar fight outside of the bar, 2nd guy got hit and fell and cracked head on pavement and died; manslaughter conviction. I don't usually frequent places with bad behavior potential like bars, so that helps.

 

[Pluto]

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

When I was picked on at school I was always instructed to tell an ineffective teacher and never retaliate.

My father always told me to retaliate regardless of the consequences it would bring.

How is a child supposed to make sense of the two most significant authorities in their life providing conflicting instructions?

Over time I learned the best way to take abuse was to pretend I did not understand what was being said or done to me in the first place.

"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life."

 

[Apathy79]

I retaliate in my mind. I don't think there's a universal answer. Turn the other cheek feels like the correct spiritual pathway most of the time. But not in a meek way. Actually standing up to them non-violently. Showing no fear. I recall Gandhi doing an amazing job of this with his protests. If they hit you, if they break your face, your arm, your bucket, face them again, and everyone will see who they and you truly are. One person can move a billion people that way.

It's a nice ideal. I don't think many people are capable of it in practice. I don't have a better alternative though. Anger, retaliation, revenge, they eat away at you, and most people know from experience how it actually feels when they're carried out. But that's certainly where my mind goes still.

 

[derpyderpins]

Were you taught that at school? I was. It makes sense in terms of a school or, society at large I suppose. They don't want aggression/ violence escalating. Still, what do you think about it as a rule?

As far as I know, the bible contradicts itself regarding the morality of it. Both advocating for retaliation/ revenge: 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'. But, it also rejects it: 'Turn the other cheek.' Not that I'm religious but, I find the morality of it interesting.

How do you generally react? Do you retaliate or, let things go? Does it vary? Personally, if it's bullying or someone trying to dominate, I don't see why retaliation is so bad. It shows that you won't tolerate being walked over. In my experience, that might make them think twice before they do it again to you or others. Plus obviously- if a neighbouring country invades, you likely wouldn't just let them.

I suppose the ideal is to figure out why they're acting that way and react in the most controlled/ composed way possible. I've always admired people who could rebuke insults or unwanted behaviour in a non aggressive but firm, witty way.

Turn the other cheek is largely misunderstood. It's not about letting them hit you again for the sake of nonviolence, it's about holding your ground and not backing down and letting the evil expose itself. Jesus wasn't pacifistic in the bible.

My general rule is nonaggression. You don't hurt me, I don't hurt you. You hurt or threaten me or my family? I have moral leave to use as much force as necessary not just to minimize the damage to them, but to ensure the threat is no more. Never punch first, but if they punch, you punch until they won't punch again.

That philosophy is largely related to physical confrontation. For non-physical agression, I generally will let everything go for a myriad of reasons, one being the Mario Kart shell theory of hatred (TM). Mario Kart teaches us about distributing our force and anger:

If you are in the middle of the pack and have a shell, you can (1) hold it to block an incoming shell, or (2) throw it to knock down someone - say someone who just hit you or just passed you. If you get hit with a shell, all other 11 racers improve their position compared to you. If you hit someone with a shell, you improve your position relative to that person alone. In this way, we see it is practically best to avoid lashing out except at times when it is necessary, and practice anger, aggression, and hatred in moderation. They consume our energy, a valuable resource, and fighting unnecessary battles holds you back.

 

[Forever Sleep]

When I was picked on at school I was always instructed to tell an ineffective teacher and never retaliate.

My father always told me to retaliate regardless of the consequences it would bring.

How is a child supposed to make sense of the two most significant authorities in their life providing conflicting instructions?

Over time I learned the best way to take abuse was to pretend I did not understand what was being said or done to me in the first place.

"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life."

I love that as a solution. It must have got them really wound up.

 

[Scythe]

I hate it, the only reason it's there is because the dipshits sitting at the top or just whoever in power are lazy assholes who don't want to do shit. Relitaiation means double the work, by law you have catch and punish both parties. That's extra work, so they discourage it. They are also the ones harming other ppl sometimes, so of course they discourage it, they don't want retaliation. As for school, that's what caused my whole humanity all sucks and I would not care if they are murdered in front of me mindset. What happened was I got bullied, so I retaliated, then I got punished, sometimes I'm the only one getting punished. My parents weren't happy about it either and they punished me at the start but stopped when it's too late, when I already believed that they aren't on my side. This made me feel like nobody is on my side, therefore, I stopped giving a shit about the rest of humanity.

I recall also someone saying when retaliation is punished, or when escalating things is punished. Bullying becomes getting the target to attack the bullies so they can be punished by the system, and the bullies will likely get away with it. This is not a good system.

To this day, I still think most of humanity believes that if u're bullied, just lay down and take it all and go home and cry. Which is part of why I hate most humans.

Always retaliate when you can, most people cause harm under the assumption they will not recieve consequences, if you show them that they aren't some invincible main character, they'll back off.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

How do you generally react?

i guess it really depends. times change. what i would have done a while back is just no longer accepted. but i have never been bullied or have bullied anyone. i've been watching a lot of interviews (insomnia) with police. i can't understand what goes through people's minds. why are people made this way?

 

[SVEN]

I liked what Funakoshi sensei said, "Karateka who wins 500 fights is not so good, Karateka who could have won 500 fights but avoided them has entered Karate-Do."

 

[Grav]

When I was picked on at school I was always instructed to tell an ineffective teacher and never retaliate.

When I was in middle school the main bully, who also went to elementary school with me and bullied me got put in his place. Lipped off to the wrong teacher at recess who grabbes him and lifted him up on the wall, holding him by the neck. Everyone saw it and it put an end to his bs. One of those kids you know is destined to have a lengthy rap sheet. This was late 70s so never would haopen now, and while I avoid violence it was rather satisfying to see. Years ago my daughter did get in trouble defending a kid being picked on, she's very empathetic and bigger than most of the other kids. Got a "we have to give this paper but that kid deserved it" note. So there are situations where thats all some people understand but it should be a last resort, to me.