Story Driving to nowhere

[iixtabb]

I just turned the big 4-0 last month. i'm married to the love of my life, it took us 3 separate times with many years between before it seemed right and our time. it's been extremely rocky tho. and finally the other day.. or well 3/4 days ago, he just all of a sudden hated me. a lot of nasty things to each other were said.. kinda like other fights sept this one was harsh. he told me he hated my guts, wanted a divorce and me out of his life forever and omg it was horrible. unlike the rest as well .. he hasn't spoken to me since .. it's been hell.. iv been in the basement while he's in what used to be or room.. sleeping currently as if nothing happened and he's always been single or for sure without me .. like it's just nothing new.. and i'm just dying all over breaking and crying and it's pathetic i am.. but nothing from him. not even a look in my general direction as if i don't exist. i'm to the point that i'm done living.. it's been a road from hell and this was absolutely it. i'm just so hurt and so i can't even explain anymore.. i plan on doing it tomorrow night.. just park myself in the garage play music put the seats back and fall asleep for eternity.

 

[almaranthine]

The way your partner had treated you is terrible and I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I assume you are going to attempt to end it through CO poisoning. I genuinely want to caution you against attempting this. Modern cars are constructed so that emission of CO through exhaust fumes isn't at a high enough percentage. You would have to rig the catalytic converter on the car. This is info I've picked up from being on this forum for some time. I know I'm not explaining it very well. Here is a thread that better explains this:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/carbon-monoxide-method.104045/#post-1786223

Basically, with CO the idea is to pass out quickly, but the percentage of it present in car exhaust fumes nowadays isn't enough to achieve this. The fumes will instead give you a bad headache, and start to burn your mucous membranes. A person in the thread I linked sat in their car for 40 minutes with tubing rigged up to the exhaust pipe going directly into the car and nothing happened.

 

[sevenkarmas]

I just turned the big 4-0 last month. i'm married to the love of my life, it took us 3 separate times with many years between before it seemed right and our time. it's been extremely rocky tho. and finally the other day.. or well 3/4 days ago, he just all of a sudden hated me. a lot of nasty things to each other were said.. kinda like other fights sept this one was harsh. he told me he hated my guts, wanted a divorce and me out of his life forever and omg it was horrible. unlike the rest as well .. he hasn't spoken to me since .. it's been hell.. iv been in the basement while he's in what used to be or room.. sleeping currently as if nothing happened and he's always been single or for sure without me .. like it's just nothing new.. and i'm just dying all over breaking and crying and it's pathetic i am.. but nothing from him. not even a look in my general direction as if i don't exist. i'm to the point that i'm done living.. it's been a road from hell and this was absolutely it. i'm just so hurt and so i can't even explain anymore.. i plan on doing it tomorrow night.. just park myself in the garage play music put the seats back and fall asleep for eternity.

My wife of 29 years walked out in October. No indication of anything being wrong. She told the kids lies about me so that they cut me off completely. I have not received a real explanation of why. None of them return my calls/texts/emails. They have cut off my mother and sister. Having a family is all I've ever wanted. I was living my dream. I almost CTB'd the first weekend, but circumstances would not allow it. I wrestle everyday with the pain. Not just of losing my wife and partner (I had no other friends, and I am not close to family), but also losing my kids. It's all I think about when I wake up, throughout the day, and when I try to go to sleep at night. I understand that it's crushing. There are times I just want to eat the barrel of a gun, but I don't want to do this out of an unplanned emotional response. I have given myself until January 1, 2023 for it to get better. If it doesn't, I plan to ctb using CO method. I have everything I need, I've performed tests, and it's ready when I'm ready.

I understand the type of pain you are feeling. I'm not telling you to ctb or not ctb. I would suggest you give yourself time and thoroughly plan what/how you want to do it. A failed attempt can make things worse for you physically and emotionally. Regardless of how your partner feels or does, you deserve to go your way and not a reaction to his bad behavior.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound really painful what you are going through and it must be hard to deal with having to suffer to such an extreme extent. It really is such a cruel and hellish existence that brings people to this point, at least to me falling asleep for all eternity and never having to be aware of anything ever again sounds so ideal, I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Pluto]

Sorry to see you going through such a distressing situation. Whatever psychological ailments may be causing his unstable behaviour, the relationship is unlikely to be salvageable from this point. In order to make an informed choice of how to proceed, I would suggest distancing yourself from him and leaving if at all possible.

 

[It'sMyLife]

Catyltic converters began around 1975. Rigging one would entail removal ( not easy) and then you'd have an open exhaust system. Loud would be an understatement when you started it. Modern cars also have oxygen sensors to improve efficiency and reduce toxic gases. So what has been previously mentioned is true and it won't work. If CO is the choice research Brad Delp. I just don't think that it's nearly as peaceful as many think it is but I pass no judgment. At the risk of being labeled pro life I tell you no one other individual defines your worth. Change your surroundings is a good start. Go stay with a good friend or family if possible for starters. Give yourself a chance to move on at least. If life turns even shittier then ctb is always an option on the back burner. Sending you good vibes

 

[iixtabb]

My wife of 29 years walked out in October. No indication of anything being wrong. She told the kids lies about me so that they cut me off completely. I have not received a real explanation of why. None of them return my calls/texts/emails. They have cut off my mother and sister. Having a family is all I've ever wanted. I was living my dream. I almost CTB'd the first weekend, but circumstances would not allow it. I wrestle everyday with the pain. Not just of losing my wife and partner (I had no other friends, and I am not close to family), but also losing my kids. It's all I think about when I wake up, throughout the day, and when I try to go to sleep at night. I understand that it's crushing. There are times I just want to eat the barrel of a gun, but I don't want to do this out of an unplanned emotional response. I have given myself until January 1, 2023 for it to get better. If it doesn't, I plan to ctb using CO method. I have everything I need, I've performed tests, and it's ready when I'm ready.

I understand the type of pain you are feeling. I'm not telling you to ctb or not ctb. I would suggest you give yourself time and thoroughly plan what/how you want to do it. A failed attempt can make things worse for you physically and emotionally. Regardless of how your partner feels or does, you deserve to go your way and not a reaction to his bad behavior.

i am so very sorry to hear that. nothing hurts more then losing your entire family and not even knowing why. i don't know how old your kids are but i do know that if they are to young to make the choice themselves just and believe those kids know you and know she's not being honest and will one day seek you out when they are of age. my mother was toxic like that with my dad.. sept my dad didn't want us kids anyway it seemed. iv been struggling from suicidal ideation, manic depression, anxiety, bpd and ptsd since i was 15, so this wasn't just one thing that crushed me.. my hole life has this was just the cherry on top. i do hope things get better for you that sounds like an awfully painful situation and i can't even imagine. i'm sorry

The way your partner had treated you is terrible and I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I assume you are going to attempt to end it through CO poisoning. I genuinely want to caution you against attempting this. Modern cars are constructed so that emission of CO through exhaust fumes isn't at a high enough percentage. You would have to rig the catalytic converter on the car. This is info I've picked up from being on this forum for some time. I know I'm not explaining it very well. Here is a thread that better explains this:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/carbon-monoxide-method.104045/#post-1786223

Basically, with CO the idea is to pass out quickly, but the percentage of it present in car exhaust fumes nowadays isn't enough to achieve this. The fumes will instead give you a bad headache, and start to burn your mucous membranes. A person in the thread I linked sat in their car for 40 minutes with tubing rigged up to the exhaust pipe going directly into the car and nothing happened.

last february a good friend of my daughters completed this way. my step father completed this way as well but this was in 1996. the garage has to be closed yea and i'm going to say the smaller the better. but it's the only way i feel will work for me. iv tried pills iv tried strangulation.. iv failed on all. the strangulation was close but i was found and a doctor wanted to be god that day.. i was dead for 6 mins but he wouldn't stop trying.

i am so very sorry to hear that. nothing hurts more then losing your entire family and not even knowing why. i don't know how old your kids are but i do know that if they are to young to make the choice themselves just and believe those kids know you and know she's not being honest and will one day seek you out when they are of age. my mother was toxic like that with my dad.. sept my dad didn't want us kids anyway it seemed. iv been struggling from suicidal ideation, manic depression, anxiety, bpd and ptsd since i was 15, so this wasn't just one thing that crushed me.. my hole life has this was just the cherry on top. i do hope things get better for you that sounds like an awfully painful situation and i can't even imagine. i'm sorry

last february a good friend of my daughters completed this way. my step father completed this way as well but this was in 1996. the garage has to be closed yea and i'm going to say the smaller the better. but it's the only way i feel will work for me. iv tried pills iv tried strangulation.. iv failed on all. the strangulation was close but i was found and a doctor wanted to be god that day.. i was dead for 6 mins but he wouldn't stop trying.

i do appreciated you giving me that other information i am going to most deff have to check that because i'm not looking for another failed attempt