Method Drowning: My method

[Superfluous]

This post will detail the specifics of my method and the reasoning behind it. It's broken up into sections so you can choose to read all or part (or none) as it is long.

My planned date was tonight. However, due to bad weather on the west coast of the island, a number of boats are anchored off this beach during the night and will be here for a few days. I am now going to have to try and swim past them without those on board noticing. New planned date is tomorrow night.

As this is a fringe method, I don't wish to promote or recommend it, so at the end I'll provide some information on the negative aspects of this method with links to reliable sources and other member's personal experiences.

I'll also link to all other drowning threads I've found on this forum.

Spoiler: Overview

My chosen method is drowning in salt water (sea). In order to achieve this, I will swim out from a beach as far as i can. The water is 30m deep within 200m of the beach, and I'm confident I can swim further than that (although it will still be no deeper than 30m). I will then take a cocktail of drugs and whiskey to hopefully achieve unconsciousness. If possible, I may also try hyperventilation, although this may be difficult whilst treading water.

As I can't afford (literally) to fail, I've incorporated a backup plan.

All drugs used are (or were) readily available to me where I live - 3 by prescription or through the many dodgy pharmacies here, and 2 available OTC.

Spoiler: About me

I'm currently 53 years old. My childhood wasn't great - no physical abuse, although physically admonishing children was the norm in my day, but I was certainly psychologically affected.

I was the eldest of 4 and I took the brunt of the blame. I was expected to excel by a father that failed, and was himself brought up by a single mother who was herself abandoned by the father (which in her day was a social taboo).

My parents were very young when they had me (21 and 17 respectively), far too young to be responsible enough to be parents. They realised early in their relationship that their marriage was a mistake but chose to stay together "for the children".

I suffer from the following conditions:

• Depression: Not to the same extent as many here, but I do have the occasional "dark days" as I like to call them, and a generally bleak outlook on life and the future
• Anxiety: Not too serious, but enough to cause some minor issues
• Insomnia: Both onset and duration, but this could well relate to my lifestyle
• OCD: Again, not extreme, but enough that it affects the way I live my life
• Pedantism: Not really a condition as such, but it does affect my interactions with others

I made a "cry for help" attempt in my teens. Nothing that put me at risk, I just stole a bottle of Valium from my grandmother, chewed several capsules before swallowing them (less than 20 at a guess), scattered a few on the bed with the open bottle and then lay down and waited to be found. I was at home at the time, so was found pretty quickly. I was taken to hospital and had my stomach pumped - not pleasant.

Spoiler: My reason for choosing to die

I made a choice, probably in my early 20s, that I didn't want to grow old. I didn't have a specific age in mind, but more that I didn't want to get to an age where I was unfit and unable to enjoy life.

Over the years this thought sort of transformed into the idea that I wouldn't allow myself to become a certain body shape - overweight and pot-bellied.

Due to not making any effort to keep in shape and drinking far more alcohol than anyone should on a daily basis, I've achieved that body shape (some time ago if I'm honest). I've also been a heavy smoker for most of my adult life.

However, my main reason now is that I can find very little pleasure in life. I don't particularly enjoy holidays as I like routine, and to stay in the comfort of my own home. I don't enjoy parties and struggle socially when in large groups. In addition, I now have no money left - this was deliberate on my part to stop me from finding reasons to keep on going.

Over the past 3 weeks, I've found my time away from home relaxing, but at each location, I've sought out routine, eating and drinking at the same bars and restaurants every day.

Spoiler: Reasons for choosing this method

I have no wish for my body to be found for several reasons:

• I don't want any remaining family members to know as I have had no contact with them for almost 30 years
• I don't want my body to be repatriated
• I don't want to be remembered as I am an anti-theist and don't believe it's healthy in any way
• I don't want to be buried or cremated. This is mostly for ecological reasons.

I realise that ultimately I have no control over this and that it's quite possible my body will be found and even identified, but at least I feel I'm doing everything in my power to prevent it.

Spoiler: Drugs used

My antiemetic of choice is domperidone. I have 1 strip of 10 x 10mg tablets, although I will only need a maximum of 4 as I will take a stat dose just before entering the water.

The following drugs will be used in the cocktail:

• Diazepam: I get this regularly on prescription for my anxiety. I have 33 x 5g capsules and around 50-100 x 5g tablets. Rapid onset of action and long half-life.
• Lorazepam: I used to be prescribed this for "toilet issues". This drug is now banned in this country, but I still have 1 strip with 9 x 1mg tablets remaining. Very rapid onset of action and intermediate half-life.
• Trazodone: Whilst this is primarily an antidepressant, it was recommended to me by my doctor for my insomnia (both onset and duration). Combined with my usual alcohol intake, 50mg (1 tablet) reliably knocks me out cold within 30 mins. I should have 16 x 50mg tablets remaining for my method.
• DXM (Dextromethorphan) as suggested by @PsychoPyro in the following thread:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ation-enhancing-concoctions.17308/post-328448

To compare the 2 benzodiazepines used, I've provided a link to a good comparison table below:

COMPARISON OF BENZODIAZEPINES

Spoiler: Equipment

I have the following additional equipment:

• Fins: Due to my age, sedentary lifestyle, total lack of exercise, and heavy smoking habit, I need all the help I can get to get as far away from shore as possible. On the positive side, at my current location (been here 6 days), there is a steep hill about 200m long between my hotel and the restaurant and bar I go to twice daily, so my leg muscles should be somewhat stronger.
• Mask/snorkel combo: Simply makes it easier to swim in the sea.
• Waterproof bag to store the drugs and other equipment whilst swimming
• 3 x 50ml plastic bottles to store the drugs separately in a water suspension
• Small funnel to aid getting the drugs and water into the bottles
• Small towel to dry my hands and face as best as possible before consuming the drugs at sea. I want to minimise tasting the salty seawater as it may increase the risk of vomiting
• Small bottle of water to rinse out the plastic bottles after drinking the initial suspensions so as to consume any remaining contents.
• Whiskey: Small 20cl bottle to chase down the drugs
• Ratchet strap: Now, this may appear confusing, so I'll explain in more detail later. When I first joined, my intention was to use the Korean or "night-night" method, so I purchased one along with some rather disappointing "corn bags". I brought them with me as a backup plan. I then realised that it may come in useful should everything not go according to plan.

Spoiler: Location

I'm in S.E. Asia, so tropical climate, and the water temperature will be a little below 30°C.

After some initial mistakes (detailed in the section below), I've chosen an island that is a popular diving resort. Most of the diving and other activities are based on the west side of the island, whilst the east side is generally quiet.

I'm currently located on the east side for the actual event. I've booked a 3 night stay which gives me time to check things out and practise. Although I checked to see if there were any popular diving spots around, I have since rechecked and found a couple. I have also noticed a number of divers around, and there are at least 2 dive schools here.

On the positive side, everything closes around 21:30, so no one will be around. On the negative side, no moon so it will be pitch black.

Spoiler: Preparation

On the day of the event, I'll prepare the drugs by dropping them into separate bottles. The capsules will be easy to open and the powder poured into the bottle. The tablets will be broken in half before placing them in the bottles.

I've already tested the diazepam and trazodone tablets in water. Both create suspensions and are not dissolved. The trazodone tablets disintegrate very quickly, the diazepam a bit more slowly. I don't have enough lorazepam to test. The DMX are coated tablets.

I'll ban myself from this site.

I'll reset my phone and tablet to factory settings. I may delete my Gmail account beforehand - haven't decided yet. I will definitely clear all my passwords and may delete all my emails. I will remove the SIM card from my phone and snap it in 2, and do the same to the memory card in my tablet. I'll probably take them with me and either drop or bury them.

Unfortunately, the hotel is holding my passport, so destroying all forms of identification seems rather pointless.

I'll also prepare the ratchet strap - just needs the strap shortened and the loop set to the right size for my head.

Just before I'm ready to go to the beach, I'll add water to each of the bottles and place them in the waterproof bag along with the towel, whiskey, water and ratchet strap.

Spoiler: Strategy & Timeline

I'll be drinking as normal during the evening and also eat something small.

I'll go to the beach somewhere around midnight, where I will take the antiemetic, put on my fins and mask and then enter the water. I'll swim out as far as possible, taking short breaks if needed. I'm not in great physical shape, but did a short test run today. It's not going to be easy, but I'm still confident.

I don't have a waterproof watch so will have to guesstimate the time. When I feel I'm far enough away and I think sufficient time has passed, I'll open the bag and dry my hands and face. I'll then place the ratchet strap around my neck so I won't lose it after losing consciousness and tighten it sufficiently so that it is comfortable. I'll then take the drugs (lorazepam last as its faster acting), adding more water to each bottle afterwards to rinse and drink any remaining residue, then drink some of the whiskey.

I'll then continue swimming further away from the shore. At some point, I'll remove the fins and mask. If all goes to plan, I'll lose consciousness and drown.

Spoiler: Mistakes made during the planning stage - Story

When I first decided on this method, I tried to do some research on sea depths around the islands where I am. This information is not easy to find. Unlike contour maps for land masses, the equivalent contour maps for sea depths is not so readily available. So, the first island I chose was based only on the basis of familiarity and knowing the hotel was on a quiet beach.

During my 1st week (I had initially only planned 10 days), I contracted food poisoning. Fortunately, I was spending a lot less money than I had expected, so extended my stay for a further 6 days.

During that time, I finally found the information I was looking for, and to my surprise the water depth was much less than I had expected. So I recalculated my finances and was still well under budget.

After further research, I found an island that had water of 30m depth within easy swimming distance and also found a ferry service to that island from where I was then based. Now I knew where I needed to be, and had the means and finances to get there.

I booked a hotel next to the ferry for 1 night, and then a further 5 days in a hotel in the busier part of the other island, with the intention of moving to the quiet part for the final 2 days (now 3 due to unforseen circumstances). But yet again, I messed up. I'd booked the hotel for 1 day later than I was due to arrive, so had to book an additional day.

With some further economising over the past few days (and a fortunate discount on the fins due to my bringing my PADI license with me), I've managed to stretch out my remaining money to allow for the 3 nights in the hotel next to the beach where my final act will be committed.

Spoiler: Outstanding Risks & Concerns

One major concern is that it is quite feasible that, even when unconscious, the act of breathing in water could cause me to regain consciousness. SI can be (is?) very strong with this method, and I'll link to some posts from members here who have experienced drowning later.

If this happens, I'll try swimming out further and wait to lose consciousness again. I don't know how many times I'll repeat this, but if at any point I think I am unable to make this method work, then I have my backup plan: the ratchet strap.

I will position the ratchet strap around the bottom of my neck and tighten it until there is sufficient pressure to pass out. Based on the following document that can also be found in the resources section, placement of a ligature at the base of the neck can make the process more comfortable:

How to hang yourself

I will need to compress my neck by about 15-20%. I realise the strap is wider than recommended (1"), but it's the easiest solution I can think of considering I'll be treading water at the time and also under the effects of some rather potent drugs and alcohol.

The next concern, which would probably scare the crap out of most of you, is that there are sharks in these waters. However, they are blacktip reef sharks and rarely pose a risk to humans. Saying that, it is a risk and I do hope they won't interfere with my plans.

On the positive side, maybe they will consume my body after death.

Spoiler: The negative aspects of this method

Firstly, the considered success rate for this method is only 63%, estimated time to death 18.5 mins, and the agony rating is a whopping 79 on a scale of 100. Please check this page on LostAllHope:

Most lethal methods of suicide | Lost All Hope: The web's leading suicide resource

Information on most lethal methods of suicide, and how they have been ranked in terms of pain. Plus info on things to consider before trying popular methods.

lostallhope.com

Also check the Wikibooks page on drowning:

Suicide/Drowning - Wikibooks, open books for an open world

en.m.wikibooks.org

Of particular note is the section on the reaction to water inhalation, and the effect of laryngospasm, preventing water from entering the lungs (whether conscious or unconscious ). In 10-15% of victims, "dry drowning" occurs.

Finally, check the section on drowning in Five Last Acts, starting at the bottom of page 413. Available for download in the List of Resources thread on this forum - links in the resources section. Direct links below:

Load.to - Five Last Acts (2015).pdf

Load.to is a free upload service for files up to 1GB since 2005

www.load.to

PDF Document Five Last Acts: The Exit Path (2015).pdf

www.pdf-archive.com

Spoiler: Some SS members' experiences

Here are some links to posts on other threads here from members that have experienced drowning:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/ctb-by-drowning.14278/post-279654

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/drowning-perhaps.17071/post-322804

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/drowning.4365/post-308785

Spoiler: Other drowning threads

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/drowning.4365/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/drowning-perhaps.17071/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/drowning.16258/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/ctb-by-drowning.14278/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/drowning-in-the-ocean.15829/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/pass-out-and-drowning-in-the-sea.15097/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/is-it-easy-to-drown-yourself-in-the-ocean.13909/

 

[BipolarExpat]

Wow Super!
You're so very thorough.

I can only hope and pray that everything happens smoothly and you're able to secure what you've clearly worked very hard to attain.

Very best wishes.

 

[memento_mori]

you were one of the first people I chatted to in this forum as I was initially going for night night too, unfortunately I just couldn't pass out with that one and only ended up with a slightly sore neck
sad to see you go as you are a really nice, helpful and knowledgeable member of this site
best of luck

 

[Superfluous]

Wow Super!
You're so very thorough.

I can only hope and pray that everything happens smoothly and you're able to secure what you've clearly worked very hard to attain.

Very best wishes.

Thanks or your kind words.

you were one of the first people I chatted to in this forum as I was initially going for night night too, unfortunately I just couldn't pass out with that one and only ended up with a slightly sore neck
sad to see you go as you are a really nice, helpful and knowledgeable member of this site
best of luck

Everything I know about this and other methods I've learnt from this forum, both from the resources made available and the more experienced members on here. I've done my best to pass on that information and to help others in any way i can to the best of my ability. I hope that you too can one day find what you need, whatever that may be. Thanks for your support.

 

[Soul]

You amaze me in so many ways, my delightful and beautiful @Superfluous! I can only wish you the very best outcome for you, but we shall miss you very much. (((Hugs))) and a bouquet of balloons

 

[Superfluous]

Update: more challenges to overcome

So, just had an interesting chat with the dive master here, and there are no sharp drop off points around here (contrary to the depth chart I found). The sea bed simply slopes down gradually, with occasional outcrops of rocks scattered about. The nearest deep water diving spots are an hour's boat ride from here.

As such, I may need more time in the water, so I'm thinking of delaying taking the antiemetic until after I've passed the boats anchored here. This also means I don't have enough small bottles to store the drugs in my cocktail in separate bottles, so I'll need to mix some of them in a single bottle.

On a slightly more positive note, once out of the bay, the currents, although not strong, may help. I'm getting conflicting information on tide times from 2 different websites, so it's gonna be pot luck on that.

No choice though - it goes down tonight.

 

[memento_mori]

have you asked about dangerous under currents or something like that you need to be aware of?

 

[Soul]

I miss you already, @Superfluous.
How are you spending today? Is the weather cooperating? Are you comfortable and at ease?

 

[AngusRot]

I miss you already, @Superfluous.
How are you spending today? Is the weather cooperating? Are you comfortable and at ease?

How are you? I'm new here..

 

[Soul]

How are you? I'm new here..

Hi. If you're addressing me in particular: I'm doing all right, thanks. This thread is where the wonderful @Superfluous is explaining final details. If you look in the "off topic" section there's an "introduce yourself" thread that might be what you're looking for.

Or maybe I've utterly misunderstood you, in which case I apologise.

 

[NextSummer]

I wish you a peaceful transition Superfluous

 

[Superfluous]

have you asked about dangerous under currents or something like that you need to be aware of?

I've been told the currents here are not strong.

I miss you already, @Superfluous.
How are you spending today? Is the weather cooperating? Are you comfortable and at ease?

Still surprisingly calm. Very boring here as there's nothing to do if you don't like the sun (or the sun doesn't like you). I could have done a bit of snorkeling at around 4pm, but decided to save my energy for tonight.

Now in the restaurant having my 1st beer. Lovely view of the beach, but view of the boats are obscured by the trees.



I realised I had an extra small bottle, which is fortunate as I just checked the waterproof bag and realised it is a lot smaller than I expected, but is fine now with the smaller bottle. Just cleaned it out in preparation and, due to my OCD, had to remove the paper label

Also rechecked my depth chart for this island and think I may have misunderstood what the dive master was telling me, so have decided to take the antiemetic on the shore as original planned.

I'll write a goodbye post later, but for now just chillin' and reading the posts here.

I wish you a peaceful transition Superfluous

Thanks for your support.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Update: more challenges to overcome

So, just had an interesting chat with the dive master here, and there are no sharp drop off points around here (contrary to the depth chart I found). The sea bed simply slopes down gradually, with occasional outcrops of rocks scattered about. The nearest deep water diving spots are an hour's boat ride from here.

As such, I may need more time in the water, so I'm thinking of delaying taking the antiemetic until after I've passed the boats anchored here. This also means I don't have enough small bottles to store the drugs in my cocktail in separate bottles, so I'll need to mix some of them in a single bottle.

On a slightly more positive note, once out of the bay, the currents, although not strong, may help. I'm getting conflicting information on tide times from 2 different websites, so it's gonna be pot luck on that.

No choice though - it goes down tonight.

Wishing you all the best on your journey, your posts are always interesting and carefully considered. I hope that you find what you need

 

[SinisterKid]

I am in tears reading and trying to write.

My only wish is, whatever happens, I hope you find some peace.

 

[Circles]

I've read everything you said and I'm in chills thinking of what you have to go through. I commend you for your courage and wish you all the luck you need. I'm sorry it's come to this, many thoughts and hugs to you.

 

[rata1]

even if its too late to tell you: thank you very much for your honest, well structured and well organized description. also your plan seems to me one of the best made i ever saw or heard about. rest in peace and perhaps one day we will go swim or dive togehter on the other side, in some waters with nearly 30 degrees C. sharks (and also humans, especially) will be peaceful on the other side. we will all swim togehter with the sharks and the other animals, the fishes, the bees.... and everybody that likes peace and they will show us this other world, this better world on the other side...

 

[Soul]

Thanks and praises to the good people who helped you.

 

[SinisterKid]

I fully understand the "what next" response. Its what eventually hit me when I was fully conscious again in the hospital. My "what next" was a very poorly thought out plan that nearly ended in total disaster and had me admitted to a ward. Never again!!! Hence my arrival here.

It takes a lot of testicular fortitude to do what you have done. Kudos for telling us what went wrong.

 

[Superfluous]

There's one cool thing about the experience I forgot to mention. When swimming in pitch black waters here, whenever I moved my arms using the breast stroke or wiggled my fingers, there were hundreds of tiny creatures giving off bioluminescence. It was mesmerising

 

[SinisterKid]

I went skinnydipping in Canada in the dead of night and it is a very liberating experience, for so many different reasons

 

[Soul]

It takes a lot of testicular fortitude to do what you have done.

And/Or vaginal fortitude. In any case, @Superfluous, you're very intrepid as well as highly esteemed.

 

[SinisterKid]

And/Or vaginal fortitude. In any case, @Superfluous, you're very intrepid as well as highly esteemed.

I dont know gender so generalized..... my bad

 

[BipolarExpat]

Damn Superflous, what a night/morning!

Good on your friend.

Hope you get some rest & can reassess w/ a clear head.

That SI,...mmm mm it's a bitch.

 

[Soul]

I dont know gender so generalized..... my bad

I don't know either, but generally vaginas are at least as intrepid as testicles.

Excuse the digression, please.

 

[TimeToDie]

A detailed post with 14 links for even more detail -- would this be one of those "impulsive" suicides the pro-lifers always talk about?

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Hugs @Superfluous . I'm grateful for you sharing your experiences with drowning in such an authentic way. I had a very similar plan and it sounds beautiful in my mind, but when you described the actual situation... I can see why it would have been difficult.

Much support and love to you.

 

[rata1]

it's just an idea, i didn't think a lot about it and i don't know if its useful in this case here: what about using a inflatable rubberboat? this could avoid shaking and losing the bags

 

[Superfluous]

it's just an idea, i didn't think a lot about it and i don't know if its useful in this case here: what about using a inflatable rubberboat? this could avoid shaking and losing the bags

I certainly agree the method could be improved upon. It's still tricky to time to perfection falling from a boat at the exact moment of losing consciousness, and I still don't know if you would regain consciousness when you hit the water. A floatation device may also help, but again you have the same issue of releasing it at the perfect time. Both would allow the use of additional weights which may help.

I would still like to remind everyone how strong SI is with this method though. I was calm and determined throughout the whole process until the final moments when I realised I was unable to complete the task.

 

[Nootnoot]

Not sure if you are still with us but your reasons are similar to mine. I cant stand growing old and watching myself become a prisoner of my own body. I am young and fit but I know it will not last, eventually I will grow old and tubby. I think its better to 'check out' early rather than watch myself become a train wreck

 

[woxihuanni]

I hope you recover and find a way of making things work.

It was very brave of you to attempt such a complex plan, based on specific wishes. Personally I find that if/when I do it, the only that matters is that it works and if it does not, has a low chance of leaving me damaged. Any other concern increases possibility of failure. I don't care what happens to my body, if anybody can use the organs, if my affairs are in order. Once I don't exist, I cannot regret any of it.