Venting dying alone

[chudeatte]

dying alone is the ultimate dream, but this is why im not dead yet. I cannot stand the thought of anyone finding my body, of having my family figure out burial arrangements for me, of having anyone watch my death, or of anyone thinking or talking about me after my death. I just want to pass in a forest or somewhere quiet and beautiful so I can have peace in my final moments. but I know thats impossible. there are no methods available to me besides using a train, and that will never allow me the death I wish for. people will see, attention will be grabbed, people will be traumatised from my act. its terrible that I have no options. I wish guns were more available in my country, because then maybe id have a chance of going out the way I want to. in a remote area with no one to see or hear or discover. I can dream, but I'll never have. sigh.

 

[rekt]

What country are you in? Why are trains the only method available to you?

 

[darksouls]

hello and welcome to sasu
I am very sorry for your situation
wish you the best
hope you find relief from suffering

 

[chudeatte]

What country are you in? Why are trains the only method available to you?

uk. its the only method I could do because im too afraid of trying the others because of the pain, and there's a much higher chance I could survive. if I could CTB any other way id choose a gun, but obviously thats close to impossible for me

 

[pinstripe]

dying alone is the ultimate dream, but this is why im not dead yet. I cannot stand the thought of anyone finding my body, of having my family figure out burial arrangements for me, of having anyone watch my death, or of anyone thinking or talking about me after my death. I just want to pass in a forest or somewhere quiet and beautiful so I can have peace in my final moments. but I know thats impossible. there are no methods available to me besides using a train, and that will never allow me the death I wish for. people will see, attention will be grabbed, people will be traumatised from my act. its terrible that I have no options. I wish guns were more available in my country, because then maybe id have a chance of going out the way I want to. in a remote area with no one to see or hear or discover. I can dream, but I'll never have. sigh.

I want to catch the bus alone as well. It would be nice. I love and have a lot of empathy so if has sucks feeling like I have to push away to achieve isolation.

It's such a tough balance.

 

[chudeatte]

I want to catch the bus alone as well. It would be nice. I love and have a lot of empathy so if has sucks feeling like I have to push away to achieve isolation.

It's such a tough balance.

this is how I feel too. its hard to deal with, but I understand you

 

[rekt]

uk. its the only method I could do because im too afraid of trying the others because of the pain, and there's a much higher chance I could survive. if I could CTB any other way id choose a gun, but obviously thats close to impossible for me

I'm afraid of the pain of dying too, just like anyone else, but trains would be the LAST method I would use. I too want to die alone in a quiet, peaceful setting and don't want my death to be a public spectacle.

 

[kopebaldy]

Death in general is, ironically, selfish even when it's a natural death because someone has to take care of the aftermath. Well fuck it, the fuck do I care anymore?

I found a very good place for full suspension hanging, but it's very far away and ultimately, I just can't be bothered travelling all the way there.

My family will find my body, I feel guilty, I feel sorry for them, but fuck me sideway I just can't be fucking bothered anymore.

Something broke inside my head recently and I just can't fucking be fucking bothered any fucking more.