Venting eating disorder is back :(

[waistcoat]

ugh.

context: i was diagnosed with an ed when i was 5/6ish, it got a lot worse around 10/11 cus of medication n i finally beat it around 18/19 and got to a healthy weight,,,

despite that, its slowly returned over the past few weeks n its now completely returned to as bad (or worse), than it used to be and idk wtf to do

i'm scared ill lose all the progress i've made over the past few years.. i've already lost 5kgs in the past 2 weeks and that was when it wasn't ''bad''... but over the last few days its gotten much worse so i fear ill start losing weight even faster.

wtf do i do

 

[socrates]

That's scary. It really sucks when you do a whole bunch of work and then you have to do it all over again. I think the cliche answer is go to a doctor. Or review what you did back when you were 18/19. If you did it before, you can do it again!

 

[waistcoat]

That's scary. It really sucks when you do a whole bunch of work and then you have to do it all over again. I think the cliche answer is go to a doctor. Or review what you did back when you were 18/19. If you did it before, you can do it again!

it is scary :(
back when i was 18/19 it was a case of my drs had put me on super-high-nutrient rich drinks/shakes for a few years and it took ages to build up weight, like, month or two per kg lmao

sadly atm literally any food or drink is just making me feel sick as shit

 

[Namelesa]

If you are able to say it, what causes you to not eat and drink? Different people can have different reasons for their eating disorder. I have had an eating disorder which I have mostly recovered from but sometimes the thoughts can come back a little bit so I know how you feel when you feel when you lost progress and scared of having to deal with the torture of it again

 

[waistcoat]

If you are able to say it, what causes you to not eat and drink? Different people can have different reasons for their eating disorder. I have had an eating disorder which I have mostly recovered from but sometimes the thoughts can come back a little bit.

when i was 5/6 it started as a hunger strike (long story, it got bad), later progressed into a generalised "food makes me feel sick, so i wont eat" then meds completely destroyed my appetite so the whole "i don't want to eat cus sick" part was very easy, now its a combination of food makes me feel sick and also i just don't like my body (despite being a healthy weight), somethings probably wrong with my brain on a fundamental level tbh

 

[Namelesa]

when i was 5/6 it started as a hunger strike (long story, it got bad), later progressed into a generalised "food makes me feel sick, so i wont eat" then meds completely destroyed my appetite so the whole "i don't want to eat cus sick" part was very easy, now its a combination of food makes me feel sick and also i just don't like my body (despite being a healthy weight), somethings probably wrong with my brain on a fundamental level tbh

You can write as much or little or nothing about the hunger strike, whatever you want to do is okay.

Some of these things look like physical problems and some mental to me. I would suggest to see a doctor (hopeful they will listen and can help) for the physical problems. Sorry if i sound stupid or got things wrong.

I had to deal with hating my body with my eating disorder and it was terrible. I felt a big want to lose weight to try and be skinny cus I had the warped idea women needed to be skinny. Do you feel like you need to change your body so it fits one of society's warped ideas of what a "attractive" body is or do you have your own idea of it? or is there another reason you hate your body?

 

[waistcoat]

You can write as much or little or nothing about the hunger strike, whatever you want to do is okay.

Some of these things look like physical problems and some mental to me. I would suggest to see a doctor (hopeful they will listen and can help) for the physical problems.

I had to deal with hating my body with my eating disorder and it was terrible. I felt a big want to lose weight to try and be skinny cus I had the warped idea women needed to be skinny. Do you feel like you need to change your body so it fits one of society's warped ideas of what a "attractive" body is or do you have your own idea of it? or is there another reason you hate your body?

cant rlly write anything more abt it w/o deanoning myself xd
i've got a lot of medical abuse trauma so talking to a dr is honestly the last thing id like to do (previous forced surgeries n lack of medical agency)
i dont rlly have any societal pressure to be skinny, more just, idk, a mental requirement for it? its really strange. i know its bad and i dont want it, but at the same time i do want it, its annoying and not fun to deal with

 

[true-ending]

hi! i don't have an eating disorder but i do have chronic nausea that messes with my appetite pretty bad. maybe you could try reintroducing food to yourself really slowly? since going all-in immediately can make sickness worse *and* overwhelm you, usually i would try just to have little bites of things available at all times, like on counters and whatnot, even though it is a bit of an inconvenience

 

[Namelesa]

cant rlly write anything more abt it w/o deanoning myself xd
i've got a lot of medical abuse trauma so talking to a dr is honestly the last thing id like to do (previous forced surgeries n lack of medical agency)
i dont rlly have any societal pressure to be skinny, more just, idk, a mental requirement for it? its really strange. i know its bad and i dont want it, but at the same time i do want it, its annoying and not fun to deal with

Totally understandable to not want to say about it.

Fluffing useless doctors.

I guess I should of also said I did have a mental requirement as well as the social pressure. For me it was gender dysphoria causing it as I didn't felt like I looked like a girl at the time. I have gotten hrt which helped me to actually like my body and recover. Is there something causing that mental requirement for you or is it just you have a preference at the moment for wanting an body that is a underweight?

 

[waistcoat]

Totally understandable to not want to say about it.

Fluffing useless doctors.

I guess I should have also said I did have a mental requirement as well as the social pressure. For me it was gender dysphoria causing it as I didn't felt like I looked like a girl at the time. I have gotten hrt which helped me to actually like my body and recover. Is there something causing that mental requirement for you or is it just you have a preference at the moment for wanting a body that is an underweight?

sorry to hear about the dysphoria, i can imagine that sucks :( idrk for me tbh, the idea of being underweight is both terrifying and weirdly comforting. fucking DID lmao

 

[Namelesa]

sorry to hear about the dysphoria, i can imagine that sucks :( idrk for me tbh, the idea of being underweight is both terrifying and weirdly comforting. fucking DID lmao

Thank you <3, I have most of my dysphoria gone. Only major bits is just the little facial hair that i have to keep shaving and maybe wanting an orchidectomy.

just cus you mentioned DID, are some alters terrified by being underweight when some are comforted? Sorry if I said something stupid, I am not a system

 

[waistcoat]

Thank you <3, I have most of my dysphoria gone. Only major bits is just the little facial hair that i have to keep shaving and maybe wanting an orchidectomy.

just cus you mentioned DID, are some alters terrified by being underweight when some are comforted? Sorry if I said something stupid, I am not a system

ofc girlie<3
i think some are yea, wouldn't surprise me if a few of us are scared to go back to early childhood levels of ed, equally tho, it wouldn't surprise me if some of us idolise that period of our life… trauma is fucking weird n it wouldn't be the first time one of us wants to re-experience trauma lol

 

[Namelesa]

ofc girlie<3
i think some are yea, wouldn't surprise me if a few of us are scared to go back to early childhood levels of ed, equally tho, it wouldn't surprise me if some of us idolise that period of our life… trauma is fucking weird n it wouldn't be the first time one of us wants to re-experience trauma lol

Do you have deal with an asshole alter (or multiple of them) that just hates you and just insults you and wants the worse for you? Cus dealing with your own negative self talk is bad enough plus from an other alter. I hope that they are not too harsh and have your supportive altars help you.

 

[waistcoat]

Do you have deal with an asshole alter that just hates you and just insults you and wants the worse for you? Cus dealing with your own negative self talk is bad enough plus from an other alter. I hope that they are not too harsh and have your supportive altars help you.

thankfully aside from one alter we all get along pretty well. there's def some differences between us and we do argue even now and then, and that can be rlly hard to work thru but for the most part we're pretty okay together.

the biggest issue we have is that some alters want to re-experience trauma on the basis they find it comforting, whereas others definitely don't want that as it's trauma lmao