Venting Embarrassing events from highschool STILL tormenting me.

[TANETS]

Trigger warning for child sexual abuse

Just sharing my story here.

9th grade was truly the worst year of my life, by whatever miracle it was cut short by quarantine and I never returned to formal high school. I'm sure if quarantine never happened, I wouldn't be alive at the moment. (Which feels so sucky to say because the pandemic ruined so many lives).

The previous year was already terrible, and nobody showed an ounce of sympathy to me. Privately I was dealing with finally bringing charges against a family member for continuously abusing me sexually. My entire family turned against me and pressured me to have the charges dropped. As a result of a mixture of the abuse I was experiencing and my previous negative encounters with kids my age, my ability to socialize is extremely stunted.

9th grade I tried so hard to make friends, there was this particular person I was interested in befriending but I was soooo awkward and I ended up humiliating myself infront of my entire class. It was the first time I felt my skin heat up from embarrassment. I was getting picked on constantly by a group a girls in that same class, they would record me and upload it to social media to make fun of me. If it wasn't one thing it was the other, the way I walked, my ugly face, I fully stopped caring about my appearance so I came to school everyday looking pretty awful.

And then on the bus ride home, I'd constantly get picked on by these 2 boys, and the last time I'd ever see them they humiliated me infront of a group of students my pulling my head covering off . I wish I ended it then in there. But quarantine came along and I didn't have to see anybody anymore.

As a result of that I began engaging in attention seeking behavior to feel better about myself, something I regret wholeheartedly. It's been years since I've moved in from this part of my life but it still torments me to this day. Combine that with my intrusive thoughts, my brain is constantly reminding me of my fuck ups and as I result I developed these extremely embarrassing vocal tics. Even in front of my mom I'll scream out "I'm gonna jump off a bridge" "I really want to stab my myself" and all other kinds of vocal tics that I can't control, then I have to deal with her asking me if I'm okay which I don't want to talk about to her about.

From what I understand, most people who bully do it as a trauma response. Being the fact that I grew up in a pretty low income area, I don't hold it against the people who hurt me a lot anymore because I know they all had their own issues. I would always fantasize about getting revenge but I truly found it in my heart to forgive . But still, I'm traumatized, and it sucks so bad,.

 

[cinnamonstix]

High school will always be one of those times in our lives that just tears you down. I was also in high school when covid hit so I can relate a bit, Being taken out of that environment was helpful in a way but led to so many more issues.

A lot of people have terrible high school memories, don't feel alone. If I had a bottle for every embarrassing and fckd up moment that happened then, I'd be dead. Just know, when those memories come up, try and put a spin on it. I try to laugh at all of my traumatic moments so at least it stops haunting me so badly, The amount of times I would get high or drunk on something, end up doing the devils tango, my friends in the other room would hear and come in blasting music and recording us in the act and posting it online. It's fucked up but kinda funny at the same time. It doesn't take the pain away but kinda redirects it.

I'm sorry for what happened to you then, just know the people doing that got way more shit to keep them up at night. Embarrassment and shame is one of those emotions I feel like we'd be better off without, because why am I awake thinking about x y z, it comes up more then the truly traumatic brain altering shit istg

You're not alone in your emotions, it would be great if we could all just *poof* outta existence

 

[TANETS]

High school will always be one of those times in our lives that just tears you down. I was also in high school when covid hit so I can relate a bit, Being taken out of that environment was helpful in a way but led to so many more issues.

A lot of people have terrible high school memories, don't feel alone. If I had a bottle for every embarrassing and fckd up moment that happened then, I'd be dead. Just know, when those memories come up, try and put a spin on it. I try to laugh at all of my traumatic moments so at least it stops haunting me so badly, The amount of times I would get high or drunk on something, end up doing the devils tango, my friends in the other room would hear and come in blasting music and recording us in the act and posting it online. It's fucked up but kinda funny at the same time. It doesn't take the pain away but kinda redirects it.

I'm sorry for what happened to you then, just know the people doing that got way more shit to keep them up at night. Embarrassment and shame is one of those emotions I feel like we'd be better off without, because why am I awake thinking about x y z, it comes up more then the truly traumatic brain altering shit istg

You're not alone in your emotions, it would be great if we could all just *poof* outta existence

Really appreciate the advice

 

[frog problems]

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I'm almost 23 and there are still moments from high school that keep me awake at night. I keep wishing that I could go back in time so I could stand up for myself or cut ties with bad people. Or just not put myself in so many fucking embarrassing situations. But the hardest part, and something that I'm embarrassed to even admit, is that I have bullied people too. What I thought were harmless jokes in retrospect where mean and hurtful. And there's nothing I regret more from those days.

 

[TANETS]

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I'm almost 23 and there are still moments from high school that keep me awake at night. I keep wishing that I could go back in time so I could stand up for myself or cut ties with bad people. Or just not put myself in so many fucking embarrassing situations. But the hardest part, and something that I'm embarrassed to even admit, is that I have bullied people too. What I thought were harmless jokes in retrospect where mean and hurtful. And there's nothing I regret more from those days.

I get you. I was really awful to a lot of my friends during this time because I was projecting my hurt onto them. It haunts me not being able to go back and apologize. Which is part of the reason why I let my heart forgive my personal bullies, people will project their hurt onto other people to feel better about themselves which is exactly what I did to my friends. But being able to admit you were wrong in the past is a first step

 

[OldManOfTheLake]

Drugs, violence, fraud.

 

[FireFox]

Trigger warning for child sexual abuse

Just sharing my story here.

9th grade was truly the worst year of my life, by whatever miracle it was cut short by quarantine and I never returned to formal high school. I'm sure if quarantine never happened, I wouldn't be alive at the moment. (Which feels so sucky to say because the pandemic ruined so many lives).

The previous year was already terrible, and nobody showed an ounce of sympathy to me. Privately I was dealing with finally bringing charges against a family member for continuously abusing me sexually. My entire family turned against me and pressured me to have the charges dropped. As a result of a mixture of the abuse I was experiencing and my previous negative encounters with kids my age, my ability to socialize is extremely stunted.

9th grade I tried so hard to make friends, there was this particular person I was interested in befriending but I was soooo awkward and I ended up humiliating myself infront of my entire class. It was the first time I felt my skin heat up from embarrassment. I was getting picked on constantly by a group a girls in that same class, they would record me and upload it to social media to make fun of me. If it wasn't one thing it was the other, the way I walked, my ugly face, I fully stopped caring about my appearance so I came to school everyday looking pretty awful.

And then on the bus ride home, I'd constantly get picked on by these 2 boys, and the last time I'd ever see them they humiliated me infront of a group of students my pulling my head covering off . I wish I ended it then in there. But quarantine came along and I didn't have to see anybody anymore.

As a result of that I began engaging in attention seeking behavior to feel better about myself, something I regret wholeheartedly. It's been years since I've moved in from this part of my life but it still torments me to this day. Combine that with my intrusive thoughts, my brain is constantly reminding me of my fuck ups and as I result I developed these extremely embarrassing vocal tics. Even in front of my mom I'll scream out "I'm gonna jump off a bridge" "I really want to stab my myself" and all other kinds of vocal tics that I can't control, then I have to deal with her asking me if I'm okay which I don't want to talk about to her about.

From what I understand, most people who bully do it as a trauma response. Being the fact that I grew up in a pretty low income area, I don't hold it against the people who hurt me a lot anymore because I know they all had their own issues. I would always fantasize about getting revenge but I truly found it in my heart to forgive . But still, I'm traumatized, and it sucks so bad,.

@TANETS You deserved so much better families who cover up child sexual abuse are pure evil.

Loads of people many years still do remember those humiliating and embrassing events they went through in high school even if they don't talk about it. You are NOT alone.

I still remember yesterday the boy I had a crush cruelly humiliating me in front of all his friends and the entire school. I liked him because I thought he was different from all the boys at school.

The arsehole lied to me about being gay and worst of all he got his friends and multiple of my classmates in the school to assist him in his disgusting lying. I believed it and he was finding it so hilarious and laughing at me behind my back while seeing multiple girls over the weekend. When it came out publicly he lied people in the school found it so funny I was so upset.

It turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid girl and didn't want to be associated with me because people in the school gossiped about us hanging out together in school. He lied so I wouldn't be interested in him anymore

Bullies are just horrible people who don't care about the pain they cause others we all have choices in life to either do good or evil. That trauma response argument I reject it completely. Society needs to stop trying to understand and feel sorry for these arseholes. I am sorry these people who builled me made my life at school absolutely miserable I dont feel sorry for arseholes who bully.

Look at Donald Trump he had a pampered upbringing where he was given everything he wanted and he spent his life bullying his way. Now he is going to be president.

I get you. I was really awful to a lot of my friends during this time because I was projecting my hurt onto them. It haunts me not being able to go back and apologize. Which is part of the reason why I let my heart forgive my personal bullies, people will project their hurt onto other people to feel better about themselves which is exactly what I did to my friends. But being able to admit you were wrong in the past is a first step

@TANETS You are a good person because you acknowledge the harm you did majority of people go through their lives not caring about the harm they caused others. To acknowledge you have done wrong and to work to become a better person takes real strength.

You are in the minority, majority of bullies are psychopathic arseholes who enjoy making others unhappy. I have NO SYMPATHY FOR THESE PEOPLE AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. I was regularly builled throughout my time in school these arseholes were the reason why I don't miss secondary school and my teenage years.

I am so f***cking sick and tired of society making excuses and sympathising with these bullies rather than punishing these entilted POS.

 

[over2025]

Are you out of high school? The day, I graduated, I completely forgot about it and have zero connections to anyone from my high school

 

[Redarshia]

That's really emotionally mature of you to forgive your bullies. Having the empathy to understand that they were also people that were on the wrong path shows how compassionate you are. You're right holding grudges wont really help anything, it will only stop you from healing.
And coincidentally covid also saved me from 9th grade. It's weird how spot on it is. I also experienced getting picked on and having extremely embarrassing moments.
But regarding SA stuff, I can not even being to understand what you were going through. I'm terribly sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better.

 

[SadLad]

Hi, I struggle with the exact same issues but not from high school. I have constant flashbacks of all the humiliating experiences I've suffered, almost like a constant reel of these repressed memories. Makes me want to end it. I just cannot stay positive. `