• UK users: Due to a formal investigation into this site by Ofcom under the UK Online Safety Act 2023, we strongly recommend using a trusted, no-logs VPN. This will help protect your privacy, bypass censorship, and maintain secure access to the site. Read the full VPN guide here.

  • Hey Guest,

    Today, OFCOM launched an official investigation into Sanctioned Suicide under the UK’s Online Safety Act. This has already made headlines across the UK.

    This is a clear and unprecedented overreach by a foreign regulator against a U.S.-based platform. We reject this interference and will be defending the site’s existence and mission.

    In addition to our public response, we are currently seeking legal representation to ensure the best possible defense in this matter. If you are a lawyer or know of one who may be able to assist, please contact us at [email protected].

    Read our statement here:

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 34HyDHTvEhXfPfb716EeEkEHXzqhwtow1L
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
per_aspera_ad_astra

per_aspera_ad_astra

Member
Oct 29, 2019
36
I've noticed these past few years that my ability to feel emotionally invested in things/people has slowly declined, and it's fairly amplified right now as I'm experiencing suicidal urges. I've had issues with clinical depression my whole life so I'm no stranger to emotional dysfunction, but it feels like there's somehow a part of my brain that's atrophied over these years of constant mental health issues. The thing is, it's not impossible for me to feel emotional investment, it just tends to happen in very specific and limited (meaning unlikely to result in fulfillment) circumstances. Romantic fixation/limerence is a big one, which is probably a result of my OCD (constant obsessive thoughts I can't turn off no matter what) and my BPD-Schizoid-Schizotypal personality disorder combo is probably the main factor in this (obsessive fixation on a specific person + no other close relationships in my life + difficulty in socializing and forming relationships with others is a pretty damning mixture), so it's also one of the only things that makes me feel "happiness" (along with drugs).

This is obviously unsustainable and will lock me into an unhappy life given my various maladjustments, but I have no idea how to combat this. Therapy hasn't showed me anything I haven't come across and tried before, and no amount of socializing or attempts to form deep relationships with others or finding fulfilling hobbies or determining my core values ever replaces the obsessions (only the transferral of these feelings onto another person seems to relieve it a bit, but the agony will eventually come back). I've been looking into methods to induce full-scale emotional suppression as the only solution, which I guess is only possible through some type of brain damage (I've been considering various drugs to abuse that might induce this), but even this might not work with how annoyingly persistent the brain's emotional memory formation system is.

I'm running out of patience and starting to think death is the only escape for me, and since I'm currently acutely suicidal I would need something very drastic and immediate to change in my brain. Is there anything I can do?
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Life_and_Death and sserafim

Similar threads

Droso
Replies
4
Views
173
Suicide Discussion
bankai
bankai
mydeadflowers
Replies
4
Views
267
Suicide Discussion
Persik
Persik
technicallyAlive
Replies
16
Views
495
Suicide Discussion
cme-dme
cme-dme
Tumblewillow
Replies
1
Views
151
Recovery
Jdieiejdjaow
J