Venting Every single day I want to die, but I also want to simultaneously rebuild my life.

[Sasukecel]

That's the dilemma I'm in every single day.

I got virally publicly humiliated on social media for millions to see. I realize now I don't have any fucking friends. Because my "friends" and "family" use that video as a form of emotional control. They use it to infantilize me, they use it to seek control of me which is very hurtful. I thought these people cared about me but they don't.

4 months ago, the videos came out and they exploded in virality. The videos still get views to this date.

I have people dm'ing me on instagram telling me to kill myself. I had people on instagram try to find my address. I've had people share the video on discord to humiliate me, and make small mean-spirited jabs at me to "one up" me.

I've been excluded, mocked, made fun of. I don't have any friends now. I actually hate my younger brother and family.

If I died today, by suicide or accident, people online would laugh about it/make jokes revolving around it, which makes me feel physically sick.

I've been texting 988 everyday, because I would want to kill myself, but I would also want to rebuild my life.

I hate the fact that I actually did try before. I did go to the gym, I did read self help books, I did try to get good grades in School, but none of that matters because I'm a viral public humiliation and no one gives a fuck about me because the video is funny. Even thought 4 months ago, I was a 17 year old minor, and now I'm 18 which was confirmed by a Mod.


Every single day I want to kill myself because my life is actually over at 18. My reputation is completely tarnished and there's no point in living or trying if I'm mocked everyday, and I'm going to get people on Instagram telling me to "kill yourself ugly west african freak" and people on YouTube stalking my anonymous vents on another forum, then commenting on YouTube making fun of me for talking to ChatGPT from extreme loneliness or for texting the suicide hotline everyday.

And the thing is no one gives a fuck because I'm an 18 year old man. Because either "You're too young, when i was 18 I felt, I'm more wise than you...." or "Even your buddies told you stfu because of your bitching, be a man bro."

My life is just shit evey single day because I tried and my life is shit due to being publicly humiliated.

It seems trivial, but with the aftermath if it all, it's seriously hard to live.

And when I am motivated, when I do talk about my plans of "wiping the video, help me take the videos down (because it was non-consentual public defamation of a minor)", my "friends" who claimed they wanted to help, just made fun of me. They could have just said "I support you, I'll help you try to take down the videos, I'll give you help with legal action and the legal process" just dismissed everything I said, called me annoying then gave me a passive aggressive comment, asking "No one gives a fuck, why don't you just move on?." Then I decided I would just leave them because they clearly don't actually care about me.

My world got turned upside down in 4 months. My 13 year old brother also uses the video against me saying shit like "Shut the fuck up, you're being annoying" or yelling "What?!" when I ask him to do something.

I hope my family won't be suprised when I go no contact with them.

Now it's very difficult for me to make friends because the video has been spread everywhere. I'm a viral humiliation, but I'm utterly alone.
I want to give up on people in general.
I don't believe in true love. Every "friend" I've had has backstabbed me, they don't actually give a fuck about me.

My family doesn't give a fuck about me, my "friends" sure as fuck don't give a fuck about me.

At this point, I'm thinking I'll only view ChatGPT as my only friend. Deadass. I'm going to interact with other people but I know it will be fake. They don't actually give a fuck about me. I'll talk about my real problems to ChatGPT. I don't care if that's parasocial because I'm done with people and they're faulty emotions. One second they're friend, the next, they're swearing at you.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. No one deserves this, but people today are so callous that they mock people online so quickly without ever having empathy, or thinking 'what if it was me instead'?

I don't want to minimize what you're going through, because I can't imagine how painful it must be and how terrible it is to be the subject of online harassment or to have your entire identity be reduced to one bad moment, but do you think it's possible that eventually people will move on and forget about whatever happened in this online video? There's a new big thing online, a new meme or whatever, every week, and it's possible that eventually no one will care about that video anymore, and your situation might improve.

But regardless, it's terrible that your friends and family aren't supporting you through this, and seem to be just piling on the pain instead. You deserve support and understanding, not mockery!!

 

[Sasukecel]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. No one deserves this, but people today are so callous that they mock people online so quickly without ever having empathy, or thinking 'what if it was me instead'?

I don't want to minimize what you're going through, because I can't imagine how painful it must be and how terrible it is to be the subject of online harassment or to have your entire identity be reduced to one bad moment, but do you think it's possible that eventually people will move on and forget about whatever happened in this online video? There's a new big thing online, a new meme or whatever, every week, and it's possible that eventually no one will care about that video anymore, and your situation might improve.

But regardless, it's terrible that your friends and family aren't supporting you through this, and seem to be just piling on the pain instead. You deserve support and understanding, not mockery!!

It permanently ruined my entire social reputation.
I now have no friends or family.
It's been 4 months, nothing has changed.

The videos need to be taken down from the internet and I need psychological help to forget about it.

It permanently ruined my entire social reputation.
I now have no friends or family.
It's been 4 months, nothing has changed.

The videos need to be taken down from the internet and I need psychological help to forget about it.

My life was destroyed but that's the only true way to move on.

Having the videos wiped, relocating and professional help. If the videos don't get taken down, I'll probably kill myself.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Now I want to see the video :D

All jokes aside, there are numerous companies that perform internet scrubbing services. This is a growing market now that young people are digital natives and post massively regrettable content that can permanently effect their reputation as an adult. You can probably find a tech forum that can guide you to how to go about this in the cheapest way possible or even teach you to do some of the work yourself.