Venting Everyone left. What's the point in trying?

[be-easy]

Hi, hello. I need to vent but I'll use this post as a short introduction as well.

I used to be a user here some time ago but deleted my account in attempt to recover from all this bullshit that I've been dealing my whole life. I attempted not too long ago and it ended terribly for me, but I thought things would get better from that point.

But I came to the conclusion that recovery is not an option in my case, I don't have the strength to try anymore. I don't have a reason to do it.

Why should I? Everyone pretty much abandoned me after I left the psych ward. It was my fault, to be honest, I was too emotionally exhausted to take care of anything. I thought people would understand. I fucked up everything and I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm a terrible person and I don't think I deserve life - I don't bring anything good to this world. I have nothing and no one to feel like life is worth living.

It's an awful feeling to know you're the only person to blame.

I don't know when I'll ctb, haven't planned it yet. I know how to do it "properly" this time, though. That's the only upside of my failed attempt.

Anyway, it's good to be back. (not really)

 

[j.rez729]

Hi, I am sorry for your troubles and that people suck. Abandonment is never ok. People who abandon others while at their lowest are scum.

I'm curious when you say, "I know how to do it "properly" this time", what method you're referring to? I am always looking for method ideas.

Wish you well

 

[be-easy]

SN - I fucked up by not taking anything to sedate me and hypertension made me panic, so I called for help. I just need to get benzos and I'll be good. And thank you for the reply.