Venting expressions center

[Lavínia]

I keep writing, expressing anguish like sick vomit to stay alive. I will gather everything here, in one place, or try, for less pollution

Barking, childish gears reproducing silk
Ethereal itch, tearing concepts, humid truce
Of interconnected thoughts, blind connections
With the tangled void... what word is that?
Reject yourself, enjoy the dichotomy of being, forgotten
Prayer of not being yourself, reflection of another
Disgusting shore. Are you careful? Saved
Child of feelings, remnant, piece
Of unused suffering. Believe
In me, only in me
No one else in your midst, deprived of fear
Thrown the most nefarious ideas of a pure mind
Into the labyrinth of unused desires.
No, no. They do not use desires, they are content with aspirations;
Your means, more disgusting, are not to be seen
Preach anguish as a dream, of satisfaction, kissed
In morbidity several impulses. Train fear!
Fear nothing! Everything is the same! Doubt has been murdered, fallen thoughts, your name
Sunk seas of idiosyncrasies, fleeting
My hatred for you, nonsense! Your face
Is made of vicious serpents, sparkling with mercury
Your scarlet eyes, crimson of summer
Stillborn. There are yellow oils, white feathers
Pure of vastness, pure and limpid
Of concepts, thoughts do not fly, sensations
Tyrannical resound in movement

 

[Lavínia]

Usurping explanation, creeping
Miasma of utilities, smoking
Box of functions - Only
Of usufruct spirit breaks, try
To attract more details - Fearful
Of innocence - Illness, womb
Captious, celebrations of helminths.
Beloved, hideous dance, coalition
Fractionated, fiction of fig paths
Putrid, pus of humanity. Undressed me
In mnemonic choirs - Magnets of traumas Creationists - The opposite is fall, destruction Of everything that was blessed, adored, in red
Flames how does it go out? They fertilize abstract
As if it had flesh - Like children, with skin; Tendons, muscles and false hopes;
Here lives a stray! Abandoned
Fixation on distorted words, ancients
Call it "Lies", and from it vomit
Offensive slopes, in an avid character
To honor the natural conclusion of things
- Death - Expected end of narratives.
Tinkling of hours,
Tepid blinks,
Trembling of expressions,
Numbness of the ego,
Longing for plagues,
Prayers of agitation
Yet we have actions at rest.

 

[Lavínia]

I told a story, of a beautiful
Dance, dreamed of me bleeding,
In peace, with a welcome tumor.
I was only 7 years old, an unhappy child,
Dirty footprints that mark flesh,
Red with sins.
My screams at night have no effect,
I don't remember them - Insults
Made at random. Don't touch me,
You've already touched. Don't kill me,
You've condemned me, I'll die.
Lies, lies, lies;
What is there, if not a handful
Of them in me. It hurts

 

[Lavínia]

cat litter, brown rice dust, coffee. A kaleidoscopic mixture salivating my desires. Death, an instrument of pleasure, a bonfire of ego, personality, meaning and comfort. Cyanosis, yes cyanosis in people who don't know it. My hand, skin peeling in various memories, I have names, I don't have names. Appearance, a contract of the factual is a veiled petrichor, a scab on the nerves of your smile. You are discovering, you will discover. YOU DESPISE ME, YOU TEAR UP THE HIDDEN TRUTHS NEVER TOLD WITH SIMPLE NAMES, NOT SIMPLE NAMES, THINGS ARE COMPLEX. TRY TO FORGET THE PAIN OF OUR SINS NEVER BEING ERASED, THINGS DON'T CHANGE, THINGS DON'T STAY, THEY TWIST, RIP, ROT MORE AND MORE. LOSING THEIR SHAPE, DYING EVERY DAY. YOU KNEW YOUR BEGINNING AND PLEASURE IN THE PROCESS OF DEATH, AND YOU WILL ONLY SEE MORE DEATH. WE ARE NOT ALIVE, THAT IS THE LIE, WAITING FOR DEATH. ETERNAL STATE. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING. WE ARE DYING

 

[Lavínia]

Double-Sided Stems - Frivolous
Semantic air of the forgotten sponge.
Shaking of spirit in sea pressure.
Where are you? I learned to live for you
Just for that
Just for that
If you remember me, you need to remember
You need me, you need me a lot
I know that, so call me quickly
Talk to me again
Call me please
Break this silence
This density, porridge air
I imagine you dying, and me being aimless
You humiliating me, as usual, and me being aimless
But I need to imagine you
Thinking of you
You haven't forgotten me, have you?
Your life, will be the best thing
The healthiest, the happiest
The most satisfying and sustainable
If you never see me again
Just don't see me anymore, and everything will be fine
Rotten desire, but call me please
You don't need such a good life
I don't need such an agonizing one

 

[Lavínia]

Poverty, lack of resources in one expression.
How many words can describe agony?
Mountain of screams, accumulation of guts
Tangled, embracing and fornicating
With whispers. Dry breaths
And cooking oils rubbing on stone,
Stone nose, lips and ears
Shiny in oil. Mirroring
Contractions of cheeks, muscles
Forcing fixed points.
Scream, lamentation, pain, suffering, agony, fear, dread, longing. What else? More words, more definitions. Limiting line, prison that does not allow, does not leave room for purging. Feelings can only be described, painted, flowered in different and elegant concepts. If you try to express them, only as dry emotions, words are useless. We need hands, violence, pain. Scratching, cutting, tearing, hitting. Emotion is impulse, writing is recording. Making it comfortable

 

[Lavínia]

I'm tired
Noise, noise
Different name on a spreadsheet
I'm tired
Laughter and mockery
Homophobic messages
I'm tired
Expectations and promotions
He doesn't look at me the same way anymore
I'm tired
Love interest, there's still another
Money, lack of it, and plans
I'm tired
Bills, 420 missing from a contract
I'm not going to get a motorcycle
I'm tired
I need to take care of my body
Be more willing, be someone else
I'm tired
SN, book, conclusion and change
Plans for a long time, but time doesn't pass
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired
In this environment, is there any point in repeating words?
Will it give me a greater sense of confidence?
A cyclical sense of understanding of what I feel? "I'm tired"
Melody, you can see it as a joke
Will they think it's a joke?
Homophobic messages
Sn and book
I'm tired
Love that didn't disappear, could there be another?
The spreadsheet can't change its name
The system only recognizes it with the same name
I'm tired
Price ordering isn't like that
They said it was
Development confirmed it wasn't
Ha, ha, ha, should I feel proud?
Pride? I feel jealous, because only I see the line
I'm tired
This thin line, of routine and giving up
Of madness for repetition
Of the identity of contradicting oneself
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired
The glass came loose with slender steps again
Smoke embraces my lungs turning them black
My cough has increased
My breathing is getting weak
I'm tired
Are they still proud of me?
Am I still valuable to the company?
I wanted to study chemistry, I wanted
I wanted to see the periodic table again
Memorize it
I'm tired
I won't forget that class
The teacher explaining Avogadro
I felt so happy
I don't want to cry, when will the crying stop?
When will all this stop?
When will we reach an end?
A conclusion, an outcome to all this
When will this narrative, poetic pain
Rotten agony cease? When? Should I wait a little longer?
I'm tired, I'm so, so, so tired. I don't want to move anymore, I don't want to talk anymore, I don't want to write, I don't want to cry, I don't want to remember, I don't want to laugh, I don't want to see, I don't want to hear, I don't want to want, I don't want to bleed anymore, I've been bleeding for 6 years, I can't do it anymore, please, please. I'm tired, I can't take it. Don't make me wake up again and repeat this, stop masking the same day. Stop changing his number, pretending it's another one. The spreadsheet cannot change its name, but it has changed, it has changed. I explain. I explain. I need to explain again. That's what I do. I don't want it anymore, I don't want it.

 

[Lavínia]

Stingy, I feel like influencing
Villainy, insidious ancestry
More words
Truth - unfortunate rapture.
Bohemianism of spending the orthodox.
More words
Ineffable balsamic air to ruffle
My anachronistic sister.
Dispossessed. Slope. Nymph.
More words
Complexion. Breath. Sedition.
Oximetry leads the support.
Endless. Jet
Metonymy. Stubborn
More words, I need more. The expression, sensation and concepts that I have, this growing, internal burning, needs to be detailed in an exact way, externalized. It does not fit into basic, repetitive words. The definitions are very simple, what there is of a tool, salvation, are synonyms. Just that, varied and distorted structures of the same thing. Breathe, stop, think, walk, live, die. Equal things that confuse understanding. I left my ex to protect him, that's the thing I feel like I'll lose if I get back together with him. Protection. I'll doom him if we have contact again, and I want to talk to him so badly. But I can't, this isn't for self-preservation, it's to protect him.