Suizid
i don't want to be here
- Sep 17, 2025
- 33
I always avoid eye contact. Not to be rude or that i'm not listening. I just don't want anyone to see my anguished eyes. I can feel my face showing how i feel and everybody can see it. If i would Start looking people in the eyes, i would be confronted with faces with furrowed eyebrows. I used to practice eye contact, but people seemed to be offended with my facial expression. On multiple occasions people pointed out to me how depressed and sad i Look. I don't even like looking at dogs or babys faces anymore because i feel like they see it too and get scared of me. The fact that i live in germany makes it 10x worse because germans like to stare at you. Everytime i go out i take sunglasses with me. But that isn't enough anymore, because most of my depressed face is still exposed. I need a trash bag with eye holes in it. Or blind myself so i won't have to see peoples faces. I'm tired of hearing stuff like "You Look tired" or "just smile". I am not able to fake not being depressed. People always say you can't see depression but i guess they have better skills in hiding it. Obviously that whole Situation makes my depression even worse. I haven't been able to connect with anyone or even make friends.
