Failed full suspension

[Davey40210]

So I tried full suspension tonight after I couldn't do partial.. my plan was to do it tomorrow but I simply couldn't wait anymore. CTB one day before the anniversary would be good enough.

I failed.. I had to make an over the door contraption as I have no other firm anchors. When I jumped off the little table (it has wheels so that was good), I found that due to the added weight on the rope and door, my toes just hit the ground. I tried to stand my feet firmly on the ground a couple times to achieve "hanging" but every time I go on my toes, just like I did in my partial attempts.

I then tried to hang the noose higher but it has to be big enough for my head to fit so at its highest I would still touch the ground with my toes.

Difficult to explain but it seems that this means full suspension won't be possible here.

I will try again tomorrow on my planned day. But if I can't make it work then perhaps I should go for SN after all. Or like an AirBnB with better anchor points.

Also the chat seems to have been disabled for me due to the recent forum change.. could not have come at a worse time.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it feels so cruel how it's so difficult to die, I hope you find peace eventually.

 

[Davey40210]

To me it feels so cruel how it's so difficult to die, I hope you find peace eventually.

Thanks FuneralCry

 

[Reflection]

Finding a good anchor point in a house is kind of hard, but I hope you'll be able to find your peace eventually. By the way if you don't mind me asking. I'm assuming your reason to CTB is because of pain from an ended relationship? Is there really absolutely no way that can ever be fixed?

 

[Davey40210]

I stayed in an Airbnb some months ago and it was like a top apartment with like wooden beams in the ceiling. Something like that would be perfect. If I don't manage tomorrow.

The reason is not the one failed relationship. I've had several. All of them ended after several years. It's the realisation I will never be able to be happy because I won't let me. That and possible autism and childhood trauma.

The last relationship just pushed me over the edge. My heart is in a thousand pieces. And I don't have anything left to keep going.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

it is so hard to ctb, partial/full is what ive been considering but now also thinking sn.
glad you are still with us. wishing you the best, whatever you decide.

 

[Davey40210]

I wasn't able to do it again tonight.. I will now research SN as I can't stay in this horrible life. Hope I find a way out soon.

 

[NegevChina]

I wasn't able to do it again tonight.. I will now research SN as I can't stay in this horrible life. Hope I find a way out so

I'm sorry for the continuing suffering your experiencing. In many ways I'm like you and must find a way out soon. SN not an option for me.

 

[finallydone]

even tho you're a stranger, it truly saddens me that you have to do this

 

[Davey40210]

Weird update.. I actually ordered the SN over the weekend. Constantly checking if there is any news that it has been shipped etc.

At work this morning, I was supposed to travel but I just canceled it. No explanation, and hotel and flights were booked for several days, but I just said I'm not going. I figured if I get fired it doesn't matter since I'm going to be CTB with the SN in a week or so anyway. I couldn't care less anymore too about work..

Then today, my ex reached out to me. She asked how I was and if I wanted to meet. After several months of no contact. She asked for today or tomorrow.

So essentially If this somehow results in us getting back together I think I will start believing in a higher power.. I literally would have been abroad but decided not to, I decided to CTB and couldn't but will so soon, and then literally she reaches out.

Oh well I am trying to not get my hopes up but just wanted to let you know as everyone here has been so supportive. I'm seeing her tomorrow.

 

[justpathetic]

Weird update.. I actually ordered the SN over the weekend. Constantly checking if there is any news that it has been shipped etc.

At work this morning, I was supposed to travel but I just canceled it. No explanation, and hotel and flights were booked for several days, but I just said I'm not going. I figured if I get fired it doesn't matter since I'm going to be CTB with the SN in a week or so anyway. I couldn't care less anymore too about work..

Then today, my ex reached out to me. She asked how I was and if I wanted to meet. After several months of no contact. She asked for today or tomorrow.

So essentially If this somehow results in us getting back together I think I will start believing in a higher power.. I literally would have been abroad but decided not to, I decided to CTB and couldn't but will so soon, and then literally she reaches out.

Oh well I am trying to not get my hopes up but just wanted to let you know as everyone here has been so supportive. I'm seeing her tomorrow.

I hope all went well with your ex.

 

[CatLvr]

Weird update.. I actually ordered the SN over the weekend. Constantly checking if there is any news that it has been shipped etc.

At work this morning, I was supposed to travel but I just canceled it. No explanation, and hotel and flights were booked for several days, but I just said I'm not going. I figured if I get fired it doesn't matter since I'm going to be CTB with the SN in a week or so anyway. I couldn't care less anymore too about work..

Then today, my ex reached out to me. She asked how I was and if I wanted to meet. After several months of no contact. She asked for today or tomorrow.

So essentially If this somehow results in us getting back together I think I will start believing in a higher power.. I literally would have been abroad but decided not to, I decided to CTB and couldn't but will so soon, and then literally she reaches out.

Oh well I am trying to not get my hopes up but just wanted to let you know as everyone here has been so supportive. I'm seeing her tomorrow.

I also hope things went well.

 

[purplesky9]

So I tried full suspension tonight after I couldn't do partial.. my plan was to do it tomorrow but I simply couldn't wait anymore. CTB one day before the anniversary would be good enough.

I failed.. I had to make an over the door contraption as I have no other firm anchors. When I jumped off the little table (it has wheels so that was good), I found that due to the added weight on the rope and door, my toes just hit the ground. I tried to stand my feet firmly on the ground a couple times to achieve "hanging" but every time I go on my toes, just like I did in my partial attempts.

I then tried to hang the noose higher but it has to be big enough for my head to fit so at its highest I would still touch the ground with my toes.

Difficult to explain but it seems that this means full suspension won't be possible here.

I will try again tomorrow on my planned day. But if I can't make it work then perhaps I should go for SN after all. Or like an AirBnB with better anchor points.

Also the chat seems to have been disabled for me due to the recent forum change.. could not have come at a worse time.

Just wondering what length rope did you need to use?

 

[Davey40210]

I got 3 metres which was easily enough...