annxietty
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
- Mar 27, 2023
- 150
Going to therapy isnt helping me, and its not the therapist fault, I really think she is a good professional... Im not taking medication except Valium sometimes, so my anxiety levels are always medium-high, I cant take in everything my therapist tells me because I cant keep quite the voice in my head that makes me go mad (im not schizophrenic)... I need medication for the therapy to work, but my psychiatrist is not available and Im currently looking for a job, almost no money left, cant afford a private psychiatrist... Cant even afford this therapist anymore, but she has insisted we keep the therapy going and I pay her when I get a job, I really appreciate this but I dont know If I want to have this debt... Ive been as sincere as I can with her, Im suicidal again, Im very depressed loosing the motivation to live, as we all know we need motivation to look for a job, well I dont have any, Im lost, broken...
Not once my family has asked me "how is the therapy going?" and today my sister's husband has told me he wants to talk to me cause I dont do shit and Im not finding a job, today may be the day I finally do sh after a long time... Im not going out, because everytime you go out you spend money, and I dont go out with my sister and her husband and son because they spend a lot of money and they go have dinner outside and ask me to pay my part of the dinner, I dont want to spend money... I cant spend it...
My last job gave me confidence, I really felt I was finally a normal human being, did I like the job? ofc not, but god I felt I was doing things the right way... but then my sister comes and tells me everyone hated me there? but no one complained to me, all complains were to her about me (we worked at the same place but not together, different shifts)(this company has reached out to me 3 times to work again with them btw but I refuse to work with my sister so I said no)... that made me lose all my confidence, she even told me to search for a job with no customer service in it, thats almost impossible! My father is dissappointed at me, my mom too, my sister and her husband want to talk to me and I bet is going to leave me in a bad shape... already took 2 valiums... can I dissappear?
Im trying... god please Im trying... why living with me makes everyone suffer? i should really die but im a coward.
Not once my family has asked me "how is the therapy going?" and today my sister's husband has told me he wants to talk to me cause I dont do shit and Im not finding a job, today may be the day I finally do sh after a long time... Im not going out, because everytime you go out you spend money, and I dont go out with my sister and her husband and son because they spend a lot of money and they go have dinner outside and ask me to pay my part of the dinner, I dont want to spend money... I cant spend it...
My last job gave me confidence, I really felt I was finally a normal human being, did I like the job? ofc not, but god I felt I was doing things the right way... but then my sister comes and tells me everyone hated me there? but no one complained to me, all complains were to her about me (we worked at the same place but not together, different shifts)(this company has reached out to me 3 times to work again with them btw but I refuse to work with my sister so I said no)... that made me lose all my confidence, she even told me to search for a job with no customer service in it, thats almost impossible! My father is dissappointed at me, my mom too, my sister and her husband want to talk to me and I bet is going to leave me in a bad shape... already took 2 valiums... can I dissappear?
Im trying... god please Im trying... why living with me makes everyone suffer? i should really die but im a coward.
