SoulWhisperer
Unfazed By Suicide « MtF »
- Nov 13, 2023
- 562
(Silly post I think, but it's bugging me)
Today I woke up with the thought "Man, I'd love to become a Vtuber and join hololive" (For those who don't know, it's an "influencers agency" and getting in it is NOT easy AT ALL) and ever since it's been stuck in my head.
It became one of the perhaps many dreams I wish I could achieve in my life. But to what avail? I keep dreaming, while in reality I'm light-years away from my goals. Sure I can improve or adjust myself to achieve then MAYBE. But would it be realistic of me considering I never actually changed myself for the better? Not so.
So here we are. Me wishing to be alone away from stress, me wishing to have a good job. Me wishing to become a famous streamer. It just pains me.
I don't want to kill myself and wish I could grasp onto the many opportunities and paths in life. But I feel like out of all of them I can't physically reach out for any. I'm desperately stuck to be a nobody that hates themselves. I'm not even a girl, that drastically reduces my chances to achieve this specific dream considered I never see male members on the team besides maybe 1 or 2.
This might sound stupid but I really claim "I'll do it in the next life" assuming I will eventually be reborn and have better chances of achieving my dreams. If that exists then next life I'm gonna rid myself of all this pain and go full steam ahead charging at my dreams. Bit if I'm wrong, oh, oh... How much have I lost. One single life and I didn't reach any of the dreams that could bring me the closest thing to "everlasting happiness" in my mind. Quite a shame, isn't it? How foolish I am.
I have no idea where the future will take me, if I'll CTB or not. If a miracle will happen or not, but right now I'm still dreaming. I'm a dreamer, a desperate one. Who knows?
I also wonder if anyone feels similarly or not. I'd love to hear about your relationship with your dreams and your current life too.
Today I woke up with the thought "Man, I'd love to become a Vtuber and join hololive" (For those who don't know, it's an "influencers agency" and getting in it is NOT easy AT ALL) and ever since it's been stuck in my head.
It became one of the perhaps many dreams I wish I could achieve in my life. But to what avail? I keep dreaming, while in reality I'm light-years away from my goals. Sure I can improve or adjust myself to achieve then MAYBE. But would it be realistic of me considering I never actually changed myself for the better? Not so.
So here we are. Me wishing to be alone away from stress, me wishing to have a good job. Me wishing to become a famous streamer. It just pains me.
I don't want to kill myself and wish I could grasp onto the many opportunities and paths in life. But I feel like out of all of them I can't physically reach out for any. I'm desperately stuck to be a nobody that hates themselves. I'm not even a girl, that drastically reduces my chances to achieve this specific dream considered I never see male members on the team besides maybe 1 or 2.
This might sound stupid but I really claim "I'll do it in the next life" assuming I will eventually be reborn and have better chances of achieving my dreams. If that exists then next life I'm gonna rid myself of all this pain and go full steam ahead charging at my dreams. Bit if I'm wrong, oh, oh... How much have I lost. One single life and I didn't reach any of the dreams that could bring me the closest thing to "everlasting happiness" in my mind. Quite a shame, isn't it? How foolish I am.
I have no idea where the future will take me, if I'll CTB or not. If a miracle will happen or not, but right now I'm still dreaming. I'm a dreamer, a desperate one. Who knows?
I also wonder if anyone feels similarly or not. I'd love to hear about your relationship with your dreams and your current life too.
