Falling back into a depressive episode.

[nooo2]

I'm not sure whether or not to post this here and I hope I don't upset anyone but this is a suicide talking website lol.

Anyways, as the title states I feel myself slipping back into a depressive episode, I just had escaped one a month ago. I'm not sure if they can scale on the intense level, but the one from a month ago lasted maybe 2 months and I didn't even realize I was going through it. I told myself while in the episode that I was going to fall in an episode soon. I thought I was better at identifying it but I'm not, it's so sneaky. I've felt so good over this past month, like so so so good. It feels so amazing to be happy, and I know I want it to continue and I want to live. And I've told myself this time and time again, when I'm in that state just remember the goals that I want, and it does help to an extent but I just fall right back in anyways.

I really don't want to go through this again, I'm so fucking terrified I don't know what to do. I made a post about this awhile ago because I was unsure, but tonight really settled it for me, I'm starting to lose interest in the stuff I gained interest back in AGAIN and I'm starting to feel really really sad, tearing up for no reason. If anyone can tell me any tips on what I can do to mitigate this that'd be great.

 

[Sensei]

You're talking about episodes. Does this mean that you're bipolar? If so, I can identify. My medication is finally working, but I'm very stress sensitive after three years of having episodes almost nonstop, and I fear that it'll trigger a depressive episode. If that happens, I'm not entirely sure I'll make it through alive this time, but I'm not going to give up without a fight. I hope the latter goes for you too.

 

[AJ95]

I know the feeling :(

Like you're slipping back into quicksand, just getting sucked down deeper and deeper.

I hope things improve for you

 

[WhiteDespair]

Be careful about stressing yourself out over going into a depressive state. It can only make it worse and it could be shorter than you think. You sound like you're operating on the assumption that everything will go wrong. I've felt terror from that specific reason. Things would be going okay, then I'm get this sudden flash of terror that things weren't going right and that I would get fired or some other shoe was going to drop. Last one happened last week and all signs point to things not crashing. Doesn't mean I didn't have to fight the terror and things are mostly back to normal. You may be lucky and this is only a small transient event rather than a full blown crash. Try to avoid stressing about it and realize that people's interest in things waxes and wanes at times so maybe you're a little burned out and need a break from the things that are interesting you.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Take a moment to yourself. Breathe. Remember that it's okay to have ups and downs. It's okay to be sad or worse. Be kind to yourself.

If you are like me, all that really matters is that you trust in time to fix it and to keep moving. The problems only arise when you stand still. I'm not sure what that looks like for you but for me it just literally means going for walks and creating art. It means having a plan of some sort, no matter how stupid it is. It could be planning to go for a walk in a weeks time or it could be planning to go to university in a years time. Don't allow yourself to get comfortable with the void.

Just keep moving buddy.

 

[nooo2]

You're talking about episodes. Does this mean that you're bipolar? If so, I can identify. My medication is finally working, but I'm very stress sensitive after three years of having episodes almost nonstop, and I fear that it'll trigger a depressive episode. If that happens, I'm not entirely sure I'll make it through alive this time, but I'm not going to give up without a fight. I hope the latter goes for you too.

I don't think I'm bipolar, I just call them episodes because I'm not sure what to call them, I just have periods where my depressive state is really intense for long or short periods of time. And it usually goes away after a few months or less and it can vary. I've noticed I seem to be more insecure about my looks, I beat myself up more and my suicidal thoughts are more intense. I constantly fall down thought loops, I remind myself of every terrible moment of my life and where it went wrong. It's basically just a spiral hole and after I'm either left feeling happy and being able to go back to enjoying the things I used to do. Or I'm just drained and fucked for a while.

I hope we can both endure the next one.

Be careful about stressing yourself out over going into a depressive state. It can only make it worse and it could be shorter than you think. You sound like you're operating on the assumption that everything will go wrong. I've felt terror from that specific reason. Things would be going okay, then I'm get this sudden flash of terror that things weren't going right and that I would get fired or some other shoe was going to drop. Last one happened last week and all signs point to things not crashing. Doesn't mean I didn't have to fight the terror and things are mostly back to normal. You may be lucky and this is only a small transient event rather than a full blown crash. Try to avoid stressing about it and realize that people's interest in things waxes and wanes at times so maybe you're a little burned out and need a break from the things that are interesting you.

We sound similar in a way but I kind of stopped letting events pull me into a depressive state, I just focus on my breathe and try not to go into those thoughts, it definitely does work from time to time. Mine is more of a feeling and not really any thought. It's more of a guilty sad feeling, and it feels really shitty. There's really nothing that comes to thought with the feeling, literally nothing. So I'm not really sure, but thank you ♥

 

[Sensei]

I don't think I'm bipolar, I just call them episodes because I'm not sure what to call them, I just have periods where my depressive state is really intense for long or short periods of time. And it usually goes away after a few months or less and it can vary. I've noticed I seem to be more insecure about my looks, I beat myself up more and my suicidal thoughts are more intense. I constantly fall down thought loops, I remind myself of every terrible moment of my life and where it went wrong. It's basically just a spiral hole and after I'm either left feeling happy and being able to go back to enjoying the things I used to do. Or I'm just drained and fucked for a while.

That can be recurrent depressions, but it can just as well be bipolar disorder. Depressions usually don't stop by themselves, but bipolar depressive episodes do. Maybe you should have it checked, just in case. Just my two cents.

I hope we can both endure the next one.

Yes, let's fight the pain and not let it overwhelm us.

 

[Yiyo123]

How do you know if someone is bipolar. I've never been diagnosed with that condition. What's like to be bipolar.

 

[Susannah]

Same here. I can feel my stress levels rising, my mood falling and I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I do know that autumn means depression. In Norway we turned the time 1 hour back saturday night. We're now on "wintertime". It's dark outside most of the days until the snow arrives, probably in January.
Lots of love to all of you