Venting Falling out with friends?

[futurebuscatcher]

Yall I need some 3rd party advice.
I'm gonna keep this vague because I don't want to share too much personal information and all, so sorry if I leave stuff out. I also apologize if this is the wrong forum for this

Recently I feel like I can't stand my friends anymore or they don't care about me.

I'm always the one driving places or the main one in planning hangouts. I'm hosting most the time. I'm usually the one that either needs to make the conversation or feels left out of them.

I often feel like I have to lie to them to stay sorta interesting or not deal with them trying to push stuff on me. It's gotten bad to the point where I lie about little things too. I also feel like a lot of my ideas are shot down by them or ignored. In all of our chats I'm left on read whenever I start a conversation.

Most recently I made a dumb DND thing there I handdrew maps, sculpted stuff, drew their characters + NPCS with multiple sprites and also made props and stuff for them. This isn't even talking about the amount of side content I added to.

This all took weeks to do and the entire campaign I felt disrespected as they just wanted to yell at each other and me and wouldn't even let me speak or finish talking. I struggle with speech in general and need time to try and find words or speak so I couldn't do anything and couldn't find the right words for anything. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to be loud. As childish as it is I felt like it was for nothing. I get they didn't ask me for this amount of effort so I shouldn't be upset but still

Even worse I introduced a new homie (online friend) to the group and they all talk and engage with them but not me. No hate to homie at all. They're the only one that actually talks to me and follows through with things. But now I feel like I'm in a position where I can't really open up without things getting messy or putting Homie in an uncomfortable position.

Another one of them wants to move in with me too which I was open too until recently when I started feeling alienated from the group, especially by them since I feel theyre always judging me.* They've just been debating it but it's pretty hard to back out now.

*None of them can hide their facial expressions at all and I see them out of the corner of my eye shooting looks at eachother, rolling their eyes, ect

I've taken a huge break from the group for my sake. Haven't talked to them in weeks aside from Homie who has been the only one to check up on me. (I told the group they can reach out to me 1 one 1 anytime).
I'm using this time to try and figure out boundaries or ways to communicate to them and get a therapist to talk to. Since I've stopped talking to them literally nothing in my life has changed. I don't know if I should relieved or upset at this

Sorry if this is all over the place. I think maybe my most recent depressive episode has me looking at this all much more cynically or maybe I'm just childish? Am I overreacting? Any advice on how to navigate this? Sorry this is stupid, it's just been on my mind for a while and I can't open up to anyone about it.

 

[futurebuscatcher]

I took a huge break from them since posting this.

Made a therapy appt in mid November to navigate this, until then no contact.

Though I told them I needed a break I said they can still reach out one on one and no one has. I shouldn't be upset but I have this dumb fucking part of me that's upset I haven't got anything.

I still get some texts in the TT gc and all. I have made sure I don't not check our messages in Discord or anywhere else so that way to don't obsess over it or piss myself off but I want to peek at it so bad to see if any of them care.

It's a weird feeling that I know they care bit it doesn't feel like it. My BDay is in a few days and I don't celebrate but idk if I dread getting b day texts or not getting them more. And if I get them what then? Do I ignore them?? Do I just say thanks and go away again?

I think the answer is obvious but I just can't accept it. I want outside advice.

Sorry this all over the place. I'm exhausted and feel so stupid

 

[Ethernatuskoi]

Recently I feel like I can't stand my friends anymore or they don't care about me.

Man, this is really complicated, but I can relate to what's going on because it's happening to me too. I feel like I'm getting more and more distant from my friends, I'm feeling more and more empty and alone.

I'm in two groups of friends, one with 3 people, who I only know online, and the other with two people, who I know personally, as they were my classmates back in school. I've been friends with the online group since 2019-2020 thanks to an online RPG community. We've always been very close, but it seems like we've been drifting apart recently and I feel like I'm being treated with disdain. I spend my time writing and creating things for the RPG we created together, but in the end, no one really cares. One of them asked me to draw one of the characters in the RPG and he was going to pay me. I spent 1-2 hours drawing the drawing straight without taking a break, and when I finished, I sent him a message, but who said he replied? I see him online several times a day, but he never replied to the message, he never even said thank you. Because of this, I never delivered the drawing, but I also never got paid, which is frustrating because I really put effort into it. And as if that wasn't enough, they know about my depression problems, and I know about some of their problems. No matter how small the problems are, whenever they talk about them, I support them as best I can, but when I talk about my problems, none of them care. Even when I talked about my ctb attempt, as a way of venting, no one said a single word of support to me, and after a while, they continued to act as if nothing had happened. I expected to at least hear a: "I'm sorry, are you okay ?", but instead, nothing. I always support them, but they don't do the same. I'm still in the group, but our conversations and interactions have decreased drastically.

Even worse I introduced a new homie (online friend) to the group and they all talk and engage with them but not me.

Something similar happened to me. I started doing an online roleplay with a guy I met and asked one of my friends to join. He eventually joined, and seems to be spending more time with him and interacting with the other members of the group I'm in, except me. I notice this clearly. When I message him, he rarely responds, but when other people message him, he responds right away, or a few minutes later.

Since I've stopped talking to them literally nothing in my life has changed. I don't know if I should relieved or upset at this

In my case, we don't talk as often anymore, and the only thing that has changed is that I feel more lonely But if you like them, you should find a way to try to work things out. You should try to be honest about your feelings, ask them what's going on, why there's so much distance between you. It's good to be able to clear things up, and I'm thinking about doing the same, telling them some truths about our relationship. That's what I would do, but you should always look for the best option, without conflict.

My BDay is in a few days and I don't celebrate but idk if I dread getting b day texts or not getting them more.

Happy birthday in advance !

When they wished me a happy birthday, I responded briefly with a thank you, and then the conversation died. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, then don't respond, or at least say a brief thank you and then let the conversation die down again. I know it's hard to try to ignore people who mean something to you and who you've spent time with, but sometimes the best option is to distance yourself, reflect a little and seek an honest conversation with these people.

Sorry if I couldn't help much with my advice, it sounds stupid I know, but that's what I would do, since I've always been 100% honest with my friends, especially in real life, and it may have hurt some of them, but I've apologized and now things are "ok" apparently. I'm also dealing with similar issues as you. Good luck, and if you want to talk, feel free to message me

 

[futurebuscatcher]

Sorry if I couldn't help much with my advice, it sounds stupid I know, but that's what I would do, since I've always been 100% honest with my friends, especially in real life, and it may have hurt some of them, but I've apologized and now things are "ok" apparently. I'm also dealing with similar issues as you. Good luck, and if you want to talk, feel free to message me

No tha k you. It feels nice to have someone listen and get it. I'm just so frustrated especially cause my online friend is the only one I talk to and I think I put them in a weird position if it all blows up— but now idk if I shoukd talk to them either ride that reason.

No tha k you. It feels nice to have someone listen and get it. I'm just so frustrated especially cause my online friend is the only one I talk to and I think I put them in a weird position if it all blows up

It iss what it it isss