Venting Family found out-- I don't feel any different

[rllysuper]

So the past few weeks have been strange. Up until now, I was writing my thoughts on a Google Doc under my school email, but something I wrote had flagged the school's system and long-story-short now everybody knows. I was hospitalized for 10 days and it was an interesting but incredibly boring experience. I wasn't lying when I said I felt better, but now that I'm back in the normal routine of my life, I don't feel any different about my decision than before I was hospitalized. The SN is arriving tomorrow, but because I live with my family, I'm afraid they'll dispose of it before I can get to it.

My life is even more out of my hands than before. I just want to have control again. I just want to have the OPTION to kill myself. I thought confessing would make me feel better but it's just made everything harder for everyone. I wish I could kill myself without any drama or any worries.

 

[DivineSpark]

I dont want to make my family, loved ones and friends worried, so I keep this myself. I gotta endure.