Sylveon
??/??/20??
- Oct 10, 2023
- 492
Everything feels really strange; I talk, giggle, and make friends, and I do it consciously, but none of that feels like myself. Sometimes I feel as if I'm faking everything, and maybe I really am, but it feels weird; everything just seems to be too normal, maybe that's because I literally don't have much time to think these days. I feel like I'm constantly walking, waiting for the next cool thing to happen, be it something embarrassing like a cool snack or just going home, but all the moments that lead up to those feel like a movie that I sometimes become vaguely aware of.
I don't cut a lot these days, and I don't know whether that's a symptom of a cause of all of this. Maybe that's a symptom of all this, and my rusty blade doesn't do more than scratches either...
I feel like I'm operating on autopilot, yet I don't feel disassociated. I sometimes have moments where I'm unreasonably hostile for no reason, which is a far, far cry from the usual timid me just a year ago; I absolutely despise this side of myself. Truthfully, I'm not actively suicidal these days, but the times I was, I at least felt like I was in charge instead of being in whatever state I'm currently in.
I don't cut a lot these days, and I don't know whether that's a symptom of a cause of all of this. Maybe that's a symptom of all this, and my rusty blade doesn't do more than scratches either...
I feel like I'm operating on autopilot, yet I don't feel disassociated. I sometimes have moments where I'm unreasonably hostile for no reason, which is a far, far cry from the usual timid me just a year ago; I absolutely despise this side of myself. Truthfully, I'm not actively suicidal these days, but the times I was, I at least felt like I was in charge instead of being in whatever state I'm currently in.
