feeling extra unmotivated today

[AStruggle]

idk i just felt like posting something cus i have nothing else I'd want to do. sorry if it's not very informative, the point is to just get it off my chest

everything is terribly shit. at least my life conditions are alright thanks to my family. i know it won't last long unlike my eternal fucking depression but i know for sure no matter how bad shit gets I will always be able to fucking enter the noose or something. even if i get kicked out or something it's only gonna make me strong enough to finally end this fucking misery.
really grateful for everything they do but i just can't fucking change and it's killing me. I don't fucking care if i am lazy or if i really have no ability to make a genuine effort anymore, it's just what it is and I don't feel in control and don't want to do anything. i just want to stop existing and stop being a fucking burden to everyone.

I'm so tired of getting thoughts and getting excited about them and getting the hope of succeeding and then not having enough patience or motivation or fucking whatever to bring it to an end and finish it. it's like all my life and my every single effort is half assed and unfinished and there's no end to that.
i just wish i had an ability to just slow down and calmly finish anything or stick to a fucking plan or whatever but the fucking thoughts and urges never end.
I want to kms so much but at the same time I don't, i just feel so much fucking emotional pain right now in my chest. Please just let this fucking stupid bitch putin blow me up with a fucking nuclear warhead and put an end to this fucking circus of an existence

 

[AStruggle]

Thnk you for the hugs but if you know a cheap and available way to stop feeling like fucking shit without feeling like fucking shit afterwards please let me know
I just fucking
Idk

 

[AStruggle]

I also want to say that I don't think this website is good for me. I thought it'd be a good place to kind of let stuff off my chest and shit but now i can see this isn't working like anything else I've tried.
It just feels like another mediocre community but this time it's based around the suicide - with people talking about what pills do they take today to start feeling worse and other people who are seemingly ok enough to upkeep guides on how to painlessly strangle yourself and shit.
I might just be a schizo but this place now feels fake to me.
I hope those of you who are as devastated as me find something in this shitty fucking life that gives you purpose and empowers you to keep on living. Or maybe you'll finally make up enough courage to end it and get peace this way.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I also want to say that I don't think this website is good for me. I thought it'd be a good place to kind of let stuff off my chest and shit but now i can see this isn't working like anything else I've tried.
It just feels like another mediocre community but this time it's based around the suicide - with people talking about what pills do they take today to start feeling worse and other people who are seemingly ok enough to upkeep guides on how to painlessly strangle yourself and shit.
I might just be a schizo but this place now feels fake to me.
I hope those of you who are as devastated as me find something in this shitty fucking life that gives you purpose and empowers you to keep on living. Or maybe you'll finally make up enough courage to end it and get peace this way.

Your first posts were you stating that you feel down. A virtual hug might be the best anyone can do, in response to that.

This site is a library of resources for suicide and recovery, and it's hosting a community forum interested in that and surrounding subjects.
Nothing fake about that. What did you expect?
(I'm admittedly a fairly new user. Others might interpret things differently.)

I'm sure people are willing to share their experiences, and give advice if you give them a topic.
What is it you actually request from us?

 

[AStruggle]

Your first posts were you stating that you feel down. A virtual hug might be the best anyone can do, in response to that.

This site is a library of resources for suicide and recovery, and it's hosting a community forum interested in that and surrounding subjects.
Nothing fake about that. What did you expect?
(I'm admittedly a fairly new user. Others might interpret things differently.)

I'm sure people are willing to share their experiences, and give advice if you give them a topic.
What is it you actually request from us?

I don't request or expect anything from you - I know you won't be able to help. You'd better be on your way.

 

[Hvergelmir]

My questions were purely rhetorical, and intended to make you see your own communication from an outside perspective.
Of course you had some kind of expectation or desired outcome, writing the post.

I sincerely believe that there's a lot of information, good will and experience, to be found here.

I'd like to encourage you to ask straight questions and be clear with your wants and needs. Whether you stick around or move on to other (better?) places, you'll benefit from this.

i just wish i had an ability to just slow down and calmly finish anything or stick to a fucking plan or whatever but the fucking thoughts and urges never end.

This is the one line I see, that I personally think could garner valuable feedback. But it's not at all clear if you're asking for a practical solution to it, emotional support, or philosophical assurance for or against CTB.

Best of luck, finding what you seek.