Feeling like you have alter egos

[StrawberryRed]

I feel like theres such a strong disconnect from who I am regularly and who i am when i post on here. Or even just who I am when I'm depressed or suicidal. I'm not sad all the time, and it's more than just different moods. It like I'm literally split into 2 version of me. It doesnt feel like I'm putting on a mask when I hang out w other people or go outside . That's just like other me yk. The two sides are very conflicted, outgoing vs quiet, hopeful vs regretful, passionate vs lazy. It actually drives me crazy because depressed me doesnt do any work all day and wastes all her time. Then I switch and I get so mad at myself, for acting useless and destroying my future. It's gotten so out of control that I have genuinely started seeing myself as 2 seperate people. Writing notes to alter me, thinking of MY own darker thoughts like her voice. At times I've gotten so frustrated I've yelled outloud for her to" leave me alone". ( When I'm at home of course). Theres no sudden changes it's like l gradual in and out type thing. It makes me look and feel crazy, if it relevant I do have ocd. Do u think that what's causing it?

 

[Crimson Red]

You should definitely talk to a therapist or doctor about this. Your words actually very much describe what I experience too, not to this extent though. I imagine this could be some form of personality disorder. When I researched these topics many months ago I remember that you can have two distinct personalities while retaining the memories of the other "person" which is what you described.

For me personally I think I am just that good at pretending that I trick myself into thinking I am multiple people.

 

[Tesha]

You might want to do a little research into dissociative identity disorder (DID). I'm not saying that's what you've got as it takes a skilled and experienced therapist to diagnose, but you might relate to some symptoms

 

[Omnia131]

I had this moment where went through really bad trauma and it felt like my brain broke.
Like it split down the middle and I have never been able to see myself as one whole person since.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I feel like theres such a strong disconnect from who I am regularly and who i am when i post on here. Or even just who I am when I'm depressed or suicidal. I'm not sad all the time, and it's more than just different moods. It like I'm literally split into 2 version of me. It doesnt feel like I'm putting on a mask when I hang out w other people or go outside . That's just like other me yk. The two sides are very conflicted, outgoing vs quiet, hopeful vs regretful, passionate vs lazy. It actually drives me crazy because depressed me doesnt do any work all day and wastes all her time. Then I switch and I get so mad at myself, for acting useless and destroying my future. It's gotten so out of control that I have genuinely started seeing myself as 2 seperate people. Writing notes to alter me, thinking of MY own darker thoughts like her voice. At times I've gotten so frustrated I've yelled outloud for her to" leave me alone". ( When I'm at home of course). Theres no sudden changes it's like l gradual in and out type thing. It makes me look and feel crazy, if it relevant I do have ocd. Do u think that what's causing it?

I have this too. It started as one extra person in me. Now I think there are 6 plus me. Mine are mostly too defined to be fragmenting and also some of my parts cause gaps in my memory. But I'm not sure if it's C-PTSD or DID or both. There's a lot of overlap. And in the UK they use the worldwide diagnostic book, not the US one, and the worldwide one doesn't mention DID or c-ptsd so altho my MH worker says they definitely exist, I would never be able to get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist. And tbh there are only a few circumstances where diagnosis would be useful and none of them are to do with me getting well.whatever it is for me, its some kind of dissociative disorder and I have to learn how to speak to them, respect them, and get them to work together so I can have a better life

 

[yxmux]

(I'm not a professional.)

Do you mean "split" as in split or multiple instinctual needs, reactions, or impulses, like you literally feel like there is more than one "it" within your body with their own thoughts, memories, etc. that aren't permeable between each other, nothing to with the external world? Or do you mean it as in an ambiguous, dysregulated, and/or contradicting self-concept? The former (which to me feels like you are describing) would probably entail C-PTSD or (if very highly structured dissociation) DID, the latter would probably entail some sort of personality disorder, especially borderline.

 

[sorrynormal]

I feel like theres such a strong disconnect from who I am regularly and who i am when i post on here. Or even just who I am when I'm depressed or suicidal. I'm not sad all the time, and it's more than just different moods. It like I'm literally split into 2 version of me. It doesnt feel like I'm putting on a mask when I hang out w other people or go outside . That's just like other me yk. The two sides are very conflicted, outgoing vs quiet, hopeful vs regretful, passionate vs lazy. It actually drives me crazy because depressed me doesnt do any work all day and wastes all her time. Then I switch and I get so mad at myself, for acting useless and destroying my future. It's gotten so out of control that I have genuinely started seeing myself as 2 seperate people. Writing notes to alter me, thinking of MY own darker thoughts like her voice. At times I've gotten so frustrated I've yelled outloud for her to" leave me alone". ( When I'm at home of course). Theres no sudden changes it's like l gradual in and out type thing. It makes me look and feel crazy, if it relevant I do have ocd. Do u think that what's causing it?

There's an author named emma sunshaw you might want to search for. She eventually came out as having DID, she's a phd in psychology. I wouldn't bother talking to a therapist; most are idiots and would have no idea what you are talking about. Understand that DID has ZERO institutional backing. Not only this, but there are ZERO drugs for disassociation. Basically the average MH system has nothing to sell you. Providers that really know what they are doing don't take insurance. So expect to pay 150-250/session.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yeah not 2 but many . imo there are many self models in the brain that surface during different activiities at least for me. like when i'm distracted watching a stupid youtube video i forget that i have to kill myself asap and get all into whatever the stupid click bait video is talking about or showing , so in a way i become a reaction to the content of that video in those every few seconds of attention. what am i thinking as i watch constent of a video at a moment? imo that's what i become at that moment .

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I feel like theres such a strong disconnect from who I am regularly and who i am when i post on here. Or even just who I am when I'm depressed or suicidal. I'm not sad all the time, and it's more than just different moods. It like I'm literally split into 2 version of me. It doesnt feel like I'm putting on a mask when I hang out w other people or go outside . That's just like other me yk. The two sides are very conflicted, outgoing vs quiet, hopeful vs regretful, passionate vs lazy. It actually drives me crazy because depressed me doesnt do any work all day and wastes all her time. Then I switch and I get so mad at myself, for acting useless and destroying my future. It's gotten so out of control that I have genuinely started seeing myself as 2 seperate people. Writing notes to alter me, thinking of MY own darker thoughts like her voice. At times I've gotten so frustrated I've yelled outloud for her to" leave me alone". ( When I'm at home of course). Theres no sudden changes it's like l gradual in and out type thing. It makes me look and feel crazy, if it relevant I do have ocd. Do u think that what's causing it?

I have this too. Dissociation due to my bpd is causing it.

 

[Ethel]

This is just an spiritual advice,but since the first post of yours, I saw was asking things to religious or spiritual people, and now this post about D.I.D,some measures beyond medical science, would be a lower banishing ritual (lbr).
lbr would rule out lot of bad possibilities spiritually
.now when it comes to thinking and mind,do you think it's possible to make a mental bridge or a meeting point between the 2 personalities?