LonelyDude15
Currently Spiraling
- Sep 26, 2020
- 276
My first year of university had been a horrible experience. My ADHD drugs made me act like a madman and along with that brought about strong symptoms of depression. The effects of the medication also brought about really strong OCD symptoms that made it impossible for me to stop reliving past events. That along with being a racial minority, often the only one in my class, made the entire experience super stressful and a real ordeal. I could give more details about what I went through but I'll spare you that. This event occurred during my last week on residence I had already completed my last final exam and was packing up my stuff and preparing to leave. I was really disappointed and sad about how my first year had gone especially because I put so many expectations on moving away for university. I had already thought about taking drugs as a way of committing suicide but when I went to the pharmacy previously to get the prescription I needed they didn't have any of the drugs I was requesting. So this time I just took all the medication I had on me as well as painkillers and whatever else I could find, hoping that some interaction would finally do it. I collapsed on the bed and was super tired. I thought that this is finally it. For some stupid reason my survival instinct kicked in and I thought that perhaps I was acting too rash and should probably go throw up in the washroom. When I got to the washroom I tried to vomit but I couldn't make myself do it. At this time I thought I saw myself seeing hallucinations. Later I was told it was probably just the stimulants in the medication mix making me paranoid. I was terrified that I was making a horrible mistake and that I was going to end up giving myself psychosis. So I put on my shoes and literally RAN to the nearest hospital. My university is right smack in the middle of Toronto, my residence was even more so being right next to the famous Toronto sign. Because I was downtown it was super easy to run to a nearby hospital in a couple of minutes. I actually had the option to pick which hospital I wanted to go too. Luckily for me because I'm Canadian I didn't have to worry about expenses when this happened. As soon as I walked in I must've looked wild and crazed because the receptionist said "Oh no not one of those again." Not what you want to hear in this situation. I filled out my forms and complained that I was seeing hallucinations and couldn't tell what was real or not. The next few minutes in this receptionist waiting area are the most embarrassing that I have ever experienced in my life and I'm honestly getting really anxious reliving this experience just writing this so I'll mostly just summarize. I wandered around like an idiot, ended up fainting because of the drugs I took, and then when I came too. (On the floor may I add like I was some piece of trash) I was rushed to a seat and told to stop causing problems. Because I was scared and confused I kept asking the receptionist what happened when I was unconscious she kept dismissing and ignoring me adding to my sense of doom. I was eventually put on an iv, my parents were called and I was treated by some very kind nurses but honestly, after everything I had just gone through I wish I had just stayed in my room and died. This is the first time I've recounted this experience since it happened and my heart is still beating really fast thinking about it. Thank you for listening to my sad and pathetic tale.
