What keeps you from staying here? is it fear? loved ones? hoping for recovery?
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I am mostly delaying it just cause the will to live keeps overpowering me. But also I'm sort of in partial fear, and the thought of loved ones who will be hurt by my actions. Otherwise I'm decided, I do everyday feel like doing so, but end up extending hopefully I'll get courage.
MeowTheFlemishCat
"The snake that cannot shed its skin perishes"
- Mar 3, 2023
- 275
Wezzy777
Member
- Dec 5, 2024
- 55
Hesitation and the desert of dying alone. I really need to get on with it already.
S like suicide
Enlightened
- Apr 29, 2021
- 1,458
Failed at ctb....this is what is keeping me here,like being a desperate prisoner.
HereWeGo!
Member
- Dec 7, 2024
- 31
Fear of failing with my method (full suspension hanging) and family. But if I don't CTB soon, I also think I'll be more burden for them. I will never recover from what I'm suffering from I think.
"Vibes" as the kids say. I've found success is way more likely if you feel like you're ready to die. This leads to less anxiety with the attempt and less chance of SI. This feeling isn't ever-present though so I have to wait for it to come back for another attempt. Until then I'm stuck here.
helloandbye1
joy division - atmosphere
- Nov 30, 2024
- 45
Family is with me and I can't be alone at the moment without raising suspicion. So currently I'm perfecting my method.
Loved ones or rather, just the one left now- my Dad. I reckon fear might hold me back too.
I don't want to fail! I bought sn but I'm scared to use it. I'm thinking about using a gun it's prob the most reliable method!? Not sure but I do want to die.
Fire&Ash
Experienced
- Apr 15, 2020
- 273
My dad and I had a fight about my depression. He said if I did anything it will devastate my mom so bad she will die and then he will die. Just staying here out of guilt cuz I would be responsible for my parents death. Everyone loves my parents but not me
divinemistress36
Illuminated
- Jan 1, 2024
- 3,338
HereWeGo!
Member
- Dec 7, 2024
- 31
I'm always think more about the risk to fail rather than the possibility to complete it. Unfortunately. Feels like a common thing to feel.
No fear of failing, nitrogen setup is foolproof, quick and painless--Only a stepmother in NYC left--No hope of recovery, depressed whatever I do or wherever I go, moist eyes....don't why I hang around...maybe waiting for something else bad to happen...to push me over
Fire&Ash
Experienced
- Apr 15, 2020
- 273
In the US, there are several places to get filled Nitrogen tanks online--EEBD Hood, click-style regulator and connections were sent to me from Canada 2 years ago, that site has since been dismantled by the Canadian gov't--Vizzy(who lived in Thailand) on the Inert Gas Mega Thread, got his stuff from China
Sounds ridiculous, but I want to gain a bit more muscle and lose a bit more fat, then I'll be happy. Don't fancy being on the table when I don't look better in my mind. I know, stupid, but my current reason.
Also, working out everyday makes me feel good. I wouldn't cope at all if I didn't have that. It's giving me something to focus on, and I need that right now due to my awful circumstances.
Can't really kill myself where I'm living currently, difficult to explain without going into too much detail but I have my own place, albeit temporary, but families live in the building in their temporary flats - the walls are ridiculously thin - and I would feel terrible if I traumatised them. So I'm waiting until I either go outside somewhere or I get my own permanent place (again - I had to flee my abuser).
Need to make more plans, but if I go outside, I'm scared someone will catch me and I'll be rescued and sectioned, and possibly fucked for life (physically and mentally), because my method is hanging.
Also, working out everyday makes me feel good. I wouldn't cope at all if I didn't have that. It's giving me something to focus on, and I need that right now due to my awful circumstances.
Can't really kill myself where I'm living currently, difficult to explain without going into too much detail but I have my own place, albeit temporary, but families live in the building in their temporary flats - the walls are ridiculously thin - and I would feel terrible if I traumatised them. So I'm waiting until I either go outside somewhere or I get my own permanent place (again - I had to flee my abuser).
Need to make more plans, but if I go outside, I'm scared someone will catch me and I'll be rescued and sectioned, and possibly fucked for life (physically and mentally), because my method is hanging.
Sbetto
chill guy
- Dec 6, 2024
- 15
I no longer expect anything from life; I'm living solely on the hope that things might go the right way, but unfortunately, I believe they never will. Even though the SN should arrive by the end of the year and I plan to do it at the end of the year, there's a small part of me that feels guilty thinking about what might happen if my mother were to find my lifeless body. I don't want to imagine it.
ShatteredSerenity
I talk to God, but the sky is empty.
- Nov 24, 2024
- 169
ham and potatoes
Just some hillbilly
- Mar 27, 2024
- 421
Not wanting to hurt loved ones, and the hope that I can recover and get to the mental place I was years and years ago
FinalVoid25
Member
- Dec 22, 2024
- 12
I can't even explain it tbh...I neither care for life nor death urgently. I never felt any emotions as strong as other people. But I am unable to hold a job, I tried so many times...I guess I will do it if the government decides some day to cut all unemployment money, cause I know no company wants a loser like me who can't do anything right.
