Discussion For those horribly abused by parents since childhood into adulthood, how are you holding up now?

[happysunnydayy]

I feel like all my mental illnesses and issues stem from being abused severely (verbal physical and sexual) from birth til adulthood. i think you're destined to fail and die if you were abused so horribly by your parents all your life.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Well I have DID. So im messed up. There is no cure. It doesn't go away. Maybe you get drunk so it doesnt matter maybe. IDK. If Im on this site Im not thinking to good about it.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

Pretty horrible. Even with most of my memories gone it's still crap(I have myriad of issues)

 

[Pluto]

 

[JamesMoonDerWater]

Horribly. Not by my biological parents that much, but my stepmom and my dad's parents really gave the hardest time.

I also was abused sexually at 4, I personally feel like it was so obvious and so on their face but I think they'd rather not see it at all. I think that goes for all of the abuse tbfr. All I mean is that I understand completely what you meant

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Mother Nature is taking too long. I want to do it with my. own. two. hands.

In Greg Ousley's Words

Excerpts from Greg Ousley’s essay “Why I Killed My Parents,” written while in prison, and from his school notebook prior to the murder of his parents.

archive.nytimes.com

 

[happysunnydayy]

Mother Nature is taking too long. I want to do it with my. own. two. hands.

In Greg Ousley's Words

Excerpts from Greg Ousley’s essay “Why I Killed My Parents,” written while in prison, and from his school notebook prior to the murder of his parents.

archive.nytimes.com

I tbh don't want to kill myself parents because it's better they suffer from old age and watch me die. It's more satisfying. Honestly otherwise they'd be free easily

Well I have DID. So im messed up. There is no cure. It doesn't go away. Maybe you get drunk so it doesnt matter maybe. IDK. If Im on this site Im not thinking to good about it.

Like split personality disorder? Is it because of your parents abuse?

 

[lifeless.wav]

Agreed, i have Cptsd too, it ruined my life. I believe you cannot survive your childhood traumas sadly. I'm doomed from the beginning.

 

[cowboypants]

Even my sibling is affected badly. Some people shouldn't have children

 

[bankai]

Look at the number of responses this thread is getting. This itself is disturbing. There shouldn't be so many people who went through this stuff

 

[Griever]

I experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood and that's why I'm the person I am today

 

[femcelloser]

Not good!!

 

[FoxSauce]

Well My mom is a very difficult person to be with over all. I dont feel love for her anymore im trying to see her in the best light I can despite everything cuz no parent is perfect but her behavior makes me want to end my life. I'll just admit it now I dont love my mom...maybe it sounds selfish but I cant anymore.


Im tired of her constant criticism and invalidating behavior overall. Im sick and tired of walking on eggshells around her.
She gets so defensive when you try to tell her something

Doe example onetime she was using our shampoo to wash her hair my sister asked for it back and told her why she was using it while she had shampoo of her own, she threw and told my sister she was a bad person (I wish I was making this up)

Now she said she found my charger box and said : "look what I've found in the car."
I replied with no attitude what so ever: oh really? How it got there ? She responded in annoyed tone while smiling: "I dunno maybe it grew legs and walked over there." I replied annoyed: "that wasn't funny." She replied: "You have no sense of humor."

Was I too sensitive or dramatic? I dont even trust my own judgement.

For me its normal to be like this, I want to cry but then she'll feel attacked so I rather keep it in.
Theres someone much stuff she has done. Living with her feels like with a roomate more than a parent you just gotta bear with it.

Im not even sure thats abuse or anything I have no idea..but deep down I feel like I owe everything to her.


Ofc she has done good things like buy us stuff, food a home she helps with therapy. Please if anybody can tell me what this is.
Cuz no matter who I tell this too they just tell me how it can be fixed,WHEN THERES

NO FUCKING FIXING!! I TRIES EVERYTHING TO BE A GOOD DAUGHTER BUT IM NOTHING IN HER EYES. SHE HAVE ME WHEN IT BENEFITS HER NEEDS AND EVERYONE. WHERE THE FUCK WAS SHE WHEN I NEEDED HER, I WAS THERE WHEN SHE NEEDED ME, I NEVER JUDGED HER FOR ANYTHING!! IM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF.

 

[hereornot]

Apart from the psychological and financial problems and the desire to kill yourself, everything is fine.

 

[happysunnydayy]

Well My mom is a very difficult person to be with over all. I dont feel love for her anymore im trying to see her in the best light I can despite everything cuz no parent is perfect but her behavior makes me want to end my life. I'll just admit it now I dont love my mom...maybe it sounds selfish but I cant anymore.


Im tired of her constant criticism and invalidating behavior overall. Im sick and tired of walking on eggshells around her.
She gets so defensive when you try to tell her something

Doe example onetime she was using our shampoo to wash her hair my sister asked for it back and told her why she was using it while she had shampoo of her own, she threw and told my sister she was a bad person (I wish I was making this up)

Now she said she found my charger box and said : "look what I've found in the car."
I replied with no attitude what so ever: oh really? How it got there ? She responded in annoyed tone while smiling: "I dunno maybe it grew legs and walked over there." I replied annoyed: "that wasn't funny." She replied: "You have no sense of humor."

Was I too sensitive or dramatic? I dont even trust my own judgement.

For me its normal to be like this, I want to cry but then she'll feel attacked so I rather keep it in.
Theres someone much stuff she has done. Living with her feels like with a roomate more than a parent you just gotta bear with it.

Im not even sure thats abuse or anything I have no idea..but deep down I feel like I owe everything to her.


Ofc she has done good things like buy us stuff, food a home she helps with therapy. Please if anybody can tell me what this is.
Cuz no matter who I tell this too they just tell me how it can be fixed,WHEN THERES

NO FUCKING FIXING!! I TRIES EVERYTHING TO BE A GOOD DAUGHTER BUT IM NOTHING IN HER EYES. SHE HAVE ME WHEN IT BENEFITS HER NEEDS AND EVERYONE. WHERE THE FUCK WAS SHE WHEN I NEEDED HER, I WAS THERE WHEN SHE NEEDED ME, I NEVER JUDGED HER FOR ANYTHING!! IM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF.

Your mother sounds like a narcissist. They destroy you mentally. It's not your fault for feeling this way. Mines this way too. Evil for no reason

 

[rowcrumble22]

It's an uphill battle. Like Sisyphus pushing the builder up the cliff there never seems to be some kind of resolution. Often feeling stuck, worthless, and generally a mass of meekness and insecurity hiding away from the world.

it.costs.money to treat sickness.

 

[merryberry]

I feel like the amount of sexual shaming I've received since 7 has made me distant and unable to form a romantic relationship with anyone. I feel so disgusted and ashamed about anything sexual, myself, my wants etc. Yet my friends make fun of me for being single and not being sexual. Some even have tried to make advances on me (after comforting me with hugs they make comments about a threesome, portay me sexually, make me seem the perverted one etc) despite me having told them my past

 

[darksouls]

I feel like the amount of sexual shaming I've received since 7 has made me distant and unable to form a romantic relationship with anyone. I feel so disgusted and ashamed about anything sexual, myself, my wants etc. Yet my friends make fun of me for being single and not being sexual. Some even have tried to make advances on me (after comforting me with hugs they make comments about a threesome, portay me sexually, make me seem the perverted one etc) despite me having told them my past

your friends are terrible

 

[merryberry]

your friends are terrible

I've tried to leave many times but I'm lonely and it's difficult :,) Luckily I should be moving to another city after a few months though

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not so much parents although, I suppose they enabled it. Also, not as bad as some of the horrific stories here. I'm so sorry for people who have or are experiencing such level of abuse.

Mine was a (suspected) narcissist I grew up with. Bullying- mostly verbal, some physical, gas lighting. Playing the victim became their speciality though. Accusing me of a bunch of stuff I hadn't done. I lived in fear for 8 years over what stunt they might pull next. Developed ideation age 10. So- not as bad as some examples but, still enough to have a profound effect.

How does it affect me now? I suppose again, it could have been worse. It focussed me on becoming obsessed with art as a coping mechanism, which grew into an obsession to pursue a career in it but- really, at the expense of everything else. So, a mal-adjusted form of living. I probably can't blame them entirely for my social anxiety and, lack of confidence. I was always shy. It certainly didn't help though.

I think it put into perspective that I needed to be independent though. That, my strongest supporter in life- my Dad had demonstrated where his loyalties truly lie- aligned with his own interests. That's not to say I expected or suggested he should divorce or anything but, it did create a certain realisation I needed to assume I was on my own. (Don't get me wrong though. I still love my Dad. We are still close. He's likely better than a lot of Dad's. But still, it was an unpleasant realisation at the time.)

Maybe all that was good in some sense. It maybe boosted my independence and focussed me on what I wanted. Realistically though, a career in art was always going to be shakey! So effectively now, my support system that has done brilliantly so far has been failing. Most of my strongest ideation periods have been when my career has been failing. I maybe started to pull away from it as a coping mechanism all together a few years back and my ideation has risen in accordance.

I agree whole heartedly though. I think trauma in childhood can create huge problems in adulthood. We just continually carry all that baggage with us. Damage done very young affects how we develop and see the world. In future, if people become potentially other hostiles, it's like living with a constant feeling of dread and mistrust.

I also think that once ideation has taken root in the mind and been accepted, it's just there for good. I don't think I was ever without it entirely- after it floated in. There again, I've never tried to fight it really so, I don't know in all cases.

 

[darksouls]

Agreed, i have Cptsd too, it ruined my life. I believe you cannot survive your childhood traumas sadly. I'm doomed from the beginning.

agree with you
I have the same diagnosis as you
my mother abused me for as long as I can remember

 

[=^ه`ه^=]

Well i cant say im holding up as i failed attempt a few times and im tryin again soon :D

View attachment 166118

I love your cat reactions everywhere lol

Look at the number of responses this thread is getting. This itself is disturbing. There shouldn't be so many people who went through this stuff

I bet at least half of the suicidal folks were abused by their parents in a way or another
Anti-natalism for the win

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I pushed them out of my life and I barely talk to anyone in my family anymore. All I can say is good riddance at this point.

 

[Rynalia]

I'm holding up??? (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

 

[offbalance]

I feel like all my mental illnesses and issues stem from being abused severely (verbal physical and sexual) from birth til adulthood. i think you're destined to fail and die if you were abused so horribly by your parents all your life.

I'm just pretty numb… I can't access my emotions or anything at all.

 

[Ligottian]

My "abuse" came when my parents threw me into this world. Just doing what billions of couples have done. They were not perfect, but never abused me. They are now both dead.