I can somewhat relate. I have been honest during every session with my psychiatrist, but there was a long time I couldn't give him what he wanted. I noticed that he got impatient and not happy with my progress. I felt like I should give him what he wanted, but I couldn't at that point. I have always had a struggle connecting with my feelings and expressing them. I decided for about a month ago that I have to get in touch with my feelings and try as hard as I can to express them, unless I will lose the most important psychiatrist I have met. It felt a little strange and artificial at the beginning, and I felt somewhat that I had to express emotions that he wanted me to say, but that I didn't truly feel in my core. However, over the sessions I can actually feel the emotions that I have expressed. I can feel anger. I can feel disgust. I can feel mixed emotions and not only beat myself up with feelings of shame, guilt and sadness. I think that he knew I had them in me, I just had to connect my head with my feelings. I can now speak freely about my emotions, and be honest about my darkest feelings and trauma history. I never thought that this would happen, and he gives me so much positive feedback about my real progress. It was so hard to be in the same place over so many weeks without making any progress, and I was so afraid that he would give me up, so I can relate to wanting to give what the therapist wants to hear. The difference is that I didn't do that, so I can't really relate to where you are now. I would suggest that you will start to be honest about the previous sessions, and that you have said certain things to please your therapist, but that you're not really at that stage yet.
I have always thought that I will never share my deepest and darkest thoughts with my psychiatrist, but now that I did, I feel so much relief. When I see back at my sessions, I know I always had a potential to feel and share what my psychiatrist wanted, but I was just so caught up in my own defence mechanisms that I coudn't let me feel all these emotions.
I wish you the best. I have for a long time struggled with "do I even feel anything?" and "I can't feel what my psychiatrist wants me to feel", but over the last month it has got way much better than I anticipated. And I feel that the positive feedback I'm getting is genuine.
