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TheLastBoyOnEarth

Member
Jun 7, 2024
92
I've been living with a chronic pain condition for the last ten years and it will probably kill me although slowly. Sometimes I think maybe I should let it kill me instead of killing myself.

For those living with chronic pain, how do you cope and what makes you want to recover emotionally?
 
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suffering_mo

Specialist
May 8, 2024
370
If it's something that is going to kill you, even slowly, I would let it....you must have some quality of life still? You can eat and drink pleasurable things and watch TV and read to distract? Mentally, you are still well? You can sleep? Your nervous system is normal? You have comfortable accommodations? Sometimes you are well enough to even do some normal things? I'm not trying to discount your situation... only you can decide. But if those things were a yes for me, I wouldn't do it.

If I had "normal" pain, or a disease that would kill me, I would let it. I actually beg for something terminal. I never would have considered suicide if I were not iatrogenic harmed, plus don't even have the comfort or pleasure of food because of my stomach. My relationships are in the toilet because I can't be well with my pain and suffering as everyone wants and needs me to. I can't cope with this. There's no quality of life for me at all, only unnatural torture. What's holding me back right now is I don't want to hurt the ones I love, the fear of after for me because of my faith but most of all, because I have only a violent method available.

If you have the above as I stated, one thing is to try and focus on those things and have immense gratitude for them. Keep a gratitude journal, connect with the ones you love. Have you tried therapy?
 
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TheLastBoyOnEarth

Member
Jun 7, 2024
92
If it's something that is going to kill you, even slowly, I would let it....you must have some quality of life still? You can eat and drink pleasurable things and watch TV and read to distract? Mentally, you are still well? You can sleep? Your nervous system is normal? You have comfortable accommodations? Sometimes you are well enough to even do some normal things? I'm not trying to discount your situation... only you can decide. But if those things were a yes for me, I wouldn't do it.

If I had "normal" pain, or a disease that would kill me, I would let it. I actually beg for something terminal. I never would have considered suicide if I were not iatrogenic harmed, plus don't even have the comfort or pleasure of food because of my stomach. My relationships are in the toilet because I can't be well with my pain and suffering as everyone wants and needs me to. I can't cope with this. There's no quality of life for me at all, only unnatural torture. What's holding me back right now is I don't want to hurt the ones I love, the fear of after for me because of my faith but most of all, because I have only a violent method available.

If you have the above as I stated, one thing is to try and focus on those things and have immense gratitude for them. Keep a gratitude journal, connect with the ones you love. Have you tried therapy?
Thanks. I have a lot of pain and fatigue and malaise 3/4 of the time so sometimes it's hard for me to look at the bright side, I just feel so frustrated that this is going to be how I'm going to spend the rest of my life. I guess because I'm young, it's hard for me to see the world move without me. I'm bedbound 3/4 of the time and I would like to do more with my life but I can't.

You have a good point about gratitude. I will try to do that and have a gratitude journal. I think a part of me wants to recover emotionally even though I have N and I can die any moment now. Ironically, since I've had N with me, the pain is a bit easier to mentally cope with.

I think also I have a lot of self loathing because my frustration against my body not working properly makes me frustrated with and hate myself in a non rational way, which is a way of thinking that I'm trying to get out of.

Thanks for the kind words, I'll try to be grateful.
 
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suffering_mo

Specialist
May 8, 2024
370
Thanks. I have a lot of pain and fatigue and malaise 3/4 of the time so sometimes it's hard for me to look at the bright side, I just feel so frustrated that this is going to be how I'm going to spend the rest of my life. I guess because I'm young, it's hard for me to see the world move without me. I'm bedbound 3/4 of the time and I would like to do more with my life but I can't.

You have a good point about gratitude. I will try to do that and have a gratitude journal. I think a part of me wants to recover emotionally even though I have N and I can die any moment now. Ironically, since I've had N with me, the pain is a bit easier to mentally cope with.

I think also I have a lot of self loathing because my frustration against my body not working properly makes me frustrated with and hate myself in a non rational way, which is a way of thinking that I'm trying to get out of.

Thanks for the kind words, I'll try to be grateful.
I'm sorry that you are suffering and that life is so hard. I can understand your frustration. It's also hard for me to see everyone go on with their lives, especially those who I live with. It's very painful to hear them talk about their normal life stuff when I am suffering so much. I don't want them to be unhappy but it adds to my sadness. I am mourning the loss of my life so much and have so much sorrow over it....so I do understand.
 
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