Discussion Forgive and Forget

[derpyderpins]

An important recovery topic, imo. I don't think I'll have a long rant here but I want to talk about it.

It's important to move on in some way from conflict. Preferably, you'd like to make peace and forgive. I'd pretty much forgive anybody, tbh. You don't always get that chance. You may just have to forgive in your heart if making peace is not possible.

And if you can't. . . at some point you have to move on. There can't be bitterness, or it's only hurting you. I can be really petty. I've actually gotten better at controlling it, but if I feel someone has wronged me I dig in like no other. Back when I had a reddit account (I was banned because I found out one sub had shadowbanned me and - surprise - I couldn't let it go, lol. My messages to the mods trying to figure out why got me a site-wide ban) I was the guy who'd be there with an answer after answer and get so mad IRL if I thought the other person was being unreasonable. Maybe I actually haven't changed much. I can do better.

You have to let go, because nothing is gained through your lingering resentment. Bad parents are frequently brought up here. My mom likely caused a lot of my mental health problems growing up. I still see her, all the time. We've never made peace and never will because I've never even confronted her. Still, I can let that go and just deal with her as she is. It doesn't mean you have to be a pushover, I guess it's more about not living in the past.

 

[allgoodthanks]

Thanks for writing this, forgiving people who wronged us gives a lot of peace and many can't realise it until they actually forgive someone.

 

[lita-lassi]

i can sever and "forget" a lot easier than forgiving. some people really don't ever deserve it

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

i can sever and "forget" a lot easier than forgiving. some people really don't ever deserve it

Forgiving is not something you do for the person who hurt you, it is something you do for yourself. They don't have to know you forgive them, really. You don't need to go up to them and "patch things up" or anything like that. Perfectly reasonable to cut people out of your life if they've caused you a lot of pain.

Forgiving is making the decision to drop any grudge you have with that person. Letting go of the anger, the desire for revenge or retribution. You choose to do that, you forgive their transgression, and you're able to move on with your life without carrying anger and pain on your shoulders wherever you go. All of this can happen without you having to say a single word to that person.

 

[lita-lassi]

Forgiving is not something you do for the person who hurt you, it is something you do for yourself. They don't have to know you forgive them, really. You don't need to go up to them and "patch things up" or anything like that. Perfectly reasonable to cut people out of your life if they've caused you a lot of pain.

Forgiving is making the decision to drop any grudge you have with that person. Letting go of the anger, the desire for revenge or retribution. You choose to do that, you forgive their transgression, and you're able to move on with your life without carrying anger and pain on your shoulders wherever you go. All of this can happen without you having to say a single word to that person.

im sure part of me would like to, but since theyve caused irreparable damage, i dont know if im even capable of attempting that until quite a few more years have passed

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

im sure part of me would like to, but since theyve caused irreparable damage, i dont know if im even capable of attempting that until quite a few more years have passed

I'm sure you'll get there. But it is a process, and it's different for everyone. It'll take exactly as long as it needs to take, and that's OK. I'm sorry you've been hurt so badly.

 

[whywere]

I have forgiving folks through the decades, and I also forget them along with whatever they did to me.

Fool my once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Way back in the 1970's, I forgave folks and then they turned right around and burnt me again, I learned.

No anyone can make a learning experience (mistake), but when something is intentional, no way.

Walter