I was going over the series of events sthat led me to be where I an today and one of the things tjya I noticed is that during wveey one of my long depressive episodes, I've tended to start losing friends and that's something that I've being seeing more of recently. It's not that people are rude to me, it's more like they just don't consider that I exist around them and I don't know if the depression is causing me to act weird and lose friends or whether the depression is caused by losing friends. It really doesn't matter too much but it's just something that I've been thinking about and want to discuss.
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LoverofDeath
Member
- Aug 11, 2018
- 91
When you say "losing friends", do you mean they decided to no longer be friends with you or you gradually stop talking to them or vice versa? Maybe they feel uncomfortable around you, I'm not sure.
LoverofDeath
Member
- Aug 11, 2018
- 91
It seems like they're only there for you when you're happy but won't be there for you when you're in your darkest moments. You're better off without them.
randomguy
Member
- Aug 18, 2018
- 56
I can relate this. Actually I think people are so used to my suicidal mood that they are not going to care that much if I ctb. I don't blame them. Must be horrible to keep a firendship with someone who is never happy.
BxK
Member
- Aug 20, 2018
- 38
It used to happen to me as well when I had friends to lose. Personally, I think depression makes us even more distant wether we realize it or not.
Maybe people just don't want to deal with such things, I can't really say, it's different for everybody afterall.
Maybe people just don't want to deal with such things, I can't really say, it's different for everybody afterall.
What I mean is rtha the interaction between my friends and I is reducing and they seem to have lost interest in being around/with me
LoverofDeath
Member
- Aug 11, 2018
- 91
I guess they don't want to be around someone who's miserable and depressed :( I don't blame you at all. They're all just deluded.
I hate to sound like an apologist here but I feel that they are somewhat justified. After all it's ones own choice who one spends time with and as such, they're free to act however they want. I'm just a little pissed that they wouldn't tell me to the face.
Heh I lost all my friends when I was suffering from depression a few years back. I don't blame them though because I'd never meet them and stopped replying to their messages.
Over n' Out
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- Aug 5, 2018
- 196
LoverofDeath
Member
- Aug 11, 2018
- 91
I understand that but it's mean of them to do so. It's not your fault you're depressed. They should be real friends and be there for you.
Pardon? That's not what I meant. The friends are all deluded by this life trying to be all happy.
Smilla
Visionary
- Apr 30, 2018
- 2,549
I never had any real friends except one—guess I was a weird kid and not very social.
I believe its all about how much you are close with them. My close friends tries to hang out with me even when i ignore their calls/messages. My good friends are mostly distant they dont call, rarely send messages. In my opinion your friends can care about you but they may just dont know what to say or do.
IDontWantToBreathe
Member
- Aug 20, 2018
- 55
The truth is the only people we can depend on are ourselves. This false belief we all have that our friends will be there with us through anything is complete bullshit.
Once I stopped pretending for everybody and started opening up about my delusions, hallucinations, suicidal ideations and my overall well-being, I had nobody. I have nobody. And that's okay.
I don't blame them for not wanting to be around me, I don't want to be around me either. But now I won't even fucking bother carrying on a conversation with somebody I meet.
Mental illness forced me in to isolation and it does that to a lot of people, I've become so cold in my solitude that I would rather talk to myself than even risk rejection from soceity.. Sadly this is life for many.
Once I stopped pretending for everybody and started opening up about my delusions, hallucinations, suicidal ideations and my overall well-being, I had nobody. I have nobody. And that's okay.
I don't blame them for not wanting to be around me, I don't want to be around me either. But now I won't even fucking bother carrying on a conversation with somebody I meet.
Mental illness forced me in to isolation and it does that to a lot of people, I've become so cold in my solitude that I would rather talk to myself than even risk rejection from soceity.. Sadly this is life for many.
sunflowerfacingdown
Member
- Jul 28, 2018
- 12
I've never been one to have many friends. I had a close friend during high school and one best friend for a few years in the 90s. My attempts at forging new friendships have always failed and especially since my health got so bad over 20 years ago, so being able to go out and be social was basically not possible. Then add in the major depression and severe anxiety and well.... I've tried to reach out to past friends but either they don't respond, or will respond to brag about their lives now (yet they never ask about or are interested in anything about me or my life) and then I don't hear from them again, or a couple times I've been told the person/s weren't interested in reconnecting with me, which stings. So I don't try anymore. I've nothing much to offer anybody in the way of friendship anyhow so I guess I justify it that way to make it hurt less that nobody seems to care. Oh, and I wanted to mention also that I, too, have had it happen to me many times where people just disappear when hard times occur - for example, when I was diagnosed with a certain illness and needed major surgery, people scattered and I didn't hear from them for months and months. When my mom died, same thing. When I needed supportive friends the most, the 'friends' I (thought I) had showed me just how little they actually cared. People that have longstanding, actual close friendships fascinate me because I can't imagine what that must be like or how they sustain these friendships.
Dead_Inside
Wizard
- Jul 2, 2018
- 622
....That is so fucked up ....
Based on what responses I've seen here, it seems to me that close friendships are something only "normal" people have the pleasure of maintaining for any extended period of time.
All my friendships have been really, really, really shitty. They duslike everyone who is dufferent in some way, and I get tired and sick of them very soon; add to this I hate them. Everyone I've known proved being despicable and shitty. Fuck that cunts.
GodKnows
What lies ahead
- Jun 28, 2018
- 119
BlackDragonof1989
Mage
- Jul 12, 2018
- 526
I think it's a bit of both, well, many factors. At least for me, I've both been a nuisance to some friends when I was down, but sadly have left behind some friends who were often down as it indeed stressed me and I realized I was happier overall by myself. I think it's partly psychology, partly maybe evolutionary, partly due to the superficiality and instant gratification the social media saturated times many of us live in these days have on us, making us less tolerant to stressful and non-rewarding relations and more likely to shut people out due to lack of accountability online at least. Offline, I am not so sure as I have not had a close friend since I felt left behind by a close friend when he got closer and ended up liking a friend who rubbed me the wrong way. However, looking back I realized that my somewhat violent outbursts and extremely jealous behavior would have made me leave me behind. I suspect that's partly because I grew up an only child and never got a good idea how to share the spotlight, how to be second place in someone's life, but part of that is just my personal experiences and perhaps biology, and to a lesser degree I suppose my choices. But yes, the older I get, the more detached I become from some friends who I decided I simply do not mesh with, and some have done the same to me. But it still feels wrong and I feel guilty over it most days and worry about those friends I either know or suspect I upset.
MortDeVivre
"If a battle cannot be won, do not fight it."
- May 31, 2018
- 140
I've never had more than acquaintances. When I look up the definition of "friendship" online, I see it's something I never had. If I ever had a friend, I wouldn't know it, and I was never able to reciprocate what they were giving me. I don't know if it's due to my Aspergers or something else. But it makes it easier to leave this world.
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