Eternal Eyes
Student
- Dec 3, 2023
- 121
Me and my sport team won a road game on Saturday. The teams players decided to immediately celebrate, it lead to them getting drunk within an hour, the chairman and committee followed, as did me. I drank 6 cans of lager in under an hour (tasted bad tbh). I was pretty twitchy and couldn't walk well. It is the first time I have ever been drunk, I have always wanted to avoid drinking as I have family members that are alcoholics, but peer pressure proved too much, and I was curious if I'd enjoy myself.
Yet...I found myself actually talking to strangers. I was actually confident, and for about 4 hours or so, I actually didn't hate myself and didn't want to die for the first time in a decade. I even told my parents about how I felt, how I have been suicidal for around a year now, that I have a lot of unresolved trauma I want closure on, and how I desperately want to be happy and have a nicer life. Of course, they both ignored me, as usual. But it speaks volumes I could even mention that along with my many traumas. It was the first time the real me ever appeared...or at least the first time in years.
I don't want to get drunk again though. I don't want to go down that road where drink is all I live for especially with my emotional sensitivity. I definitely have personality traits that alcoholism would really fuck with. I think I made this thread to see if anyone else with autism, BPD and depression has ever done this? Has anyone here struggled with alcoholism? As the days carry on, the temptation to drink continues, I hope it subsides soon.
Yet...I found myself actually talking to strangers. I was actually confident, and for about 4 hours or so, I actually didn't hate myself and didn't want to die for the first time in a decade. I even told my parents about how I felt, how I have been suicidal for around a year now, that I have a lot of unresolved trauma I want closure on, and how I desperately want to be happy and have a nicer life. Of course, they both ignored me, as usual. But it speaks volumes I could even mention that along with my many traumas. It was the first time the real me ever appeared...or at least the first time in years.
I don't want to get drunk again though. I don't want to go down that road where drink is all I live for especially with my emotional sensitivity. I definitely have personality traits that alcoholism would really fuck with. I think I made this thread to see if anyone else with autism, BPD and depression has ever done this? Has anyone here struggled with alcoholism? As the days carry on, the temptation to drink continues, I hope it subsides soon.