wildflowers1996
Mage
- Oct 14, 2023
- 555
I am just in so much pain.
I sent a message to Pegasos, who supposedly believe in anyone's right to die if they are of rational state of mind. I said to them I wasn't intending to end my life right now, but I wanted to know it was an option for the future. They said they couldn't help me (because of my age, 28, and having mental health problems).
I just wish I could fly out to Peru right now and try to get N. If it weren't for my family, and this awful fear of punishment for ctb in the afterlife, I would 100% do it.
I posted on reddit and got loads of people telling me how suicide is a sin etc.
I hate being so trapped. I was so upset with Pegasos' reply, telling me to get counselling when I had explained in my message I've been through this countless times, and I have had lots of mental health training myself. My job is pretty much working within mental health! (I help people with addiction problems). I have lots of mental health "qualifications", I know how counselling and therapy work! They also suggested calling a suicide helpline, which I volunteered for ten years ago!
I was even evaluated by a psychiatrist who confirmed I was "not confused at all".
If I was not of rational state of mind, would I still be working full time? Being told I'm competent and do the job well?
They're not preventing me from ctb - it just means I'll have to find a more painful way if necessary. I know why they're saying no. They don't want bad publicity, which I do get - but I just find it insulting being told to go back to counselling. I know they mean well, but it hurts.
If I am not in a rational state of mind, I would like for them to at least demonstrate that. Have I been considering this for years? Yes. Have I ever experienced psychosis or delusions? No. I have a degree in philosophy, which I consider to show that I have the capacity to think logically.
I feel like I'm being treated like a child, but actually in trying to protect me, they are hurting me more. It frustrates me that they have this label on me as "irrational, naïve, mentally ill person" and they of course are the "rational adults".
I do completely the understand the argument "don't end your life because it harms those around you". That I believe is a legitimate concern. The afterlife? Probably isn't a legitimate concern, but I can never be sure.
But what really frustrates me is when people tell me there's hope for my future, that they're trying to protect me from dying so I can "be happy". I know myself better than anyone else, and I know I CANNOT be happy. I know people mean well, but I really don't think they have any idea what they're talking about. Especially when their solution is to signpost me to organisations that I worked for myself, lol...
I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do. I WISH I didn't have a family to consider, and I could just be free.
I sent a message to Pegasos, who supposedly believe in anyone's right to die if they are of rational state of mind. I said to them I wasn't intending to end my life right now, but I wanted to know it was an option for the future. They said they couldn't help me (because of my age, 28, and having mental health problems).
I just wish I could fly out to Peru right now and try to get N. If it weren't for my family, and this awful fear of punishment for ctb in the afterlife, I would 100% do it.
I posted on reddit and got loads of people telling me how suicide is a sin etc.
I hate being so trapped. I was so upset with Pegasos' reply, telling me to get counselling when I had explained in my message I've been through this countless times, and I have had lots of mental health training myself. My job is pretty much working within mental health! (I help people with addiction problems). I have lots of mental health "qualifications", I know how counselling and therapy work! They also suggested calling a suicide helpline, which I volunteered for ten years ago!
I was even evaluated by a psychiatrist who confirmed I was "not confused at all".
If I was not of rational state of mind, would I still be working full time? Being told I'm competent and do the job well?
They're not preventing me from ctb - it just means I'll have to find a more painful way if necessary. I know why they're saying no. They don't want bad publicity, which I do get - but I just find it insulting being told to go back to counselling. I know they mean well, but it hurts.
If I am not in a rational state of mind, I would like for them to at least demonstrate that. Have I been considering this for years? Yes. Have I ever experienced psychosis or delusions? No. I have a degree in philosophy, which I consider to show that I have the capacity to think logically.
I feel like I'm being treated like a child, but actually in trying to protect me, they are hurting me more. It frustrates me that they have this label on me as "irrational, naïve, mentally ill person" and they of course are the "rational adults".
I do completely the understand the argument "don't end your life because it harms those around you". That I believe is a legitimate concern. The afterlife? Probably isn't a legitimate concern, but I can never be sure.
But what really frustrates me is when people tell me there's hope for my future, that they're trying to protect me from dying so I can "be happy". I know myself better than anyone else, and I know I CANNOT be happy. I know people mean well, but I really don't think they have any idea what they're talking about. Especially when their solution is to signpost me to organisations that I worked for myself, lol...
I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do. I WISH I didn't have a family to consider, and I could just be free.
