• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9

    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8

oysa

oysa

Member
Jul 22, 2023
18
right now is a good time to kill myself
but i want to feel and be skinny before i die. i dont know how i got here, but somehow on top of wanting to die i developed food issues and i cant stop and i just binged and i feel the fat all over my body and i tried purging like i always but i just couldnt get myself to gag and throw it up and i dont know why so im just digesting it and the fat is like all over my bodya nd tomorrow when i wake up i just know my wrist is going to be thicker and im so scared and disgusted and hate myself and i just want to be skinny and pretty and die.

tomorrow im going to fast no matter what it fucking takes and im going update if i succeed ebcuase i cant take this anymore
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: timorousTruant, not-2-b-the-answer, lotus11 and 12 others
J

j1nxxb0yjj4ke

Member
Jun 26, 2023
67
I feel u.
I am like 163 and 45-47kg and wanna be under 33.
But now I got my SN and I'm on Polamidone (heroin substitution) and its so much harder to lose weight.
Idk if I'll first lose weight because it may take some weeks or if I die a fatty..
My lowest was 34/33.. years ago
I wanna be skinny, bones again.
 
nothingspecial

nothingspecial

Member
Nov 18, 2024
44
We're in the same boat. I'm going to relapse in my ED so I look beautiful when I hang. I wish you the best of luck, you've got this!! ☺️
 
  • Like
Reactions: SchizoGymnast and oysa
four_walls_girl

four_walls_girl

En-BEDded in reality
Nov 18, 2024
49
Real cause I HAVE to experience what it's like to be young and skinny. I can't be old and skinny cause that defeats the whole purpose for me. I need to find the cutest outfit possible to ctb in while looking the thinnest I've ever been.
 
  • Like
Reactions: permanently tired and oysa
futileflutters

futileflutters

Cognitively Immobile Borderline Disast-her
Jul 14, 2020
13
That's such a mood, best of luck.
 
  • Like
Reactions: nothingspecial
D

diseasedPOS

Member
Jun 17, 2023
34
We're in the same boat. I'm going to relapse in my ED so I look beautiful when I hang. I wish you the best of luck, you've got this!! ☺️
Well…now…let's not forget that you're probably gonna drop a poo under your pretty hanging body. 😇
 
  • Yay!
Reactions: sevennn, thecreepycanadian, theolivanderroach and 1 other person
nothingspecial

nothingspecial

Member
Nov 18, 2024
44
Well…now…let's not forget that you're probably gonna drop a poo under your pretty hanging body. 😇
Omg nooooo I forgot about this 😭 Do you think if I fast for days beforehand that won't happen?
 
  • Like
Reactions: thecreepycanadian
D

diseasedPOS

Member
Jun 17, 2023
34
Omg nooooo I forgot about this 😭 Do you think if I fast for days beforehand that won't happen?
You'd think so. Kentucky gets some pretty sweet corn sweat going on too in the right season. You could get a very Aokigahara vibe going if you hung overnight. Told myself I was done with that place when I moved away, but you're helping make an appealing case for coming back to create art in the Bluegrass.
 
  • Love
Reactions: nothingspecial
nothingspecial

nothingspecial

Member
Nov 18, 2024
44
You'd think so. Kentucky gets some pretty sweet corn sweat going on too in the right season. You could get a very Aokigahara vibe going if you hung overnight. Told myself I was done with that place when I moved away, but you're helping make an appealing case for coming back to create art in the Bluegrass.
Woah, you're from Kentucky too? Bluegrass artists are amazing. I understand you being done with the place though, lol.
 
MatrixPrisoner

MatrixPrisoner

Enlightened
Jul 8, 2023
1,644
Don't fast. Deprivation rarely ever works. Find something that you typically spend a lot of time doing that can easily be done while walking. Like listening to a podcast or talking to your friend on the phone, so that the walking doesn't become mundane and boring. If you need to go somewhere, try and walk there. You can always Uber back if you're too tired to walk back.

As for as eating, try to eat food that will make you feel full, but also make it easier for you to create a calorie deficit as well. Like raw brocolli and cauliflower flourets, brussel sprouts and carrots. Just force yourself to eat them like a rabbit. No dip or dressing.

Wishing you much luck on with your attempt to slim down and be more accepted in this disgusting superficial world.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
Reactions: rozeske, saii, SchizoGymnast and 2 others
Whale_bones

Whale_bones

Specialist
Feb 11, 2020
320
It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.

ur so goals omg
I'm going to relapse in my ED so I look beautiful when I hang. I wish you the best of luck, you've got this!! ☺️
That's such a mood, best of luck.

People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.
 
  • Like
Reactions: viljalauss, diseasedPOS, Raindancer and 5 others
nothingspecial

nothingspecial

Member
Nov 18, 2024
44
It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.





People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.
You're totally right. I apologize.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: Cherry Crumpet and Whale_bones
Whale_bones

Whale_bones

Specialist
Feb 11, 2020
320
You're totally right. I apologize.

I really appreciate your response :heart: I've had ED issues myself for years, and I want everyone to be able to talk about what's genuinely going on with them. I just know the way ED thoughts fuel off encouragement to punish you, even when you're already suffering... so I want to avoid going there when we can. Sending you positive vibes 🌻
 
  • Like
Reactions: Cherry Crumpet
lotus11

lotus11

Specialist
May 18, 2019
324
This post is sooo interesting to me. I feel the same as I've had an Ed for around 15 years now but it's so interesting to look at why we feel this psychologically because most people's argument is that if your going to die anyway why the hell does it matter if your skinny beforehand? Why not just be fat? I mean your if youll be dead dead anyway you don't exist? Why do we all feel so strongly about the fact we want do be skinny and empty before death? Idk I'd love to see a study on this I find it so interesting
 
  • Like
Reactions: SchizoGymnast
O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,618
Yeah, this is the first year in a long time that i gained a lot of weight, Haagen-Dazs Strawberry ice cream, so addictive, so I started a diet Oct 10th, down 20 lbs so far, another 20 lbs to go--I will not CTB being overweight!
 
  • Like
Reactions: oysa and SchizoGymnast
SchizoGymnast

SchizoGymnast

Member
May 28, 2024
82
Yeah, this is the first year in a long time that i gained a lot of weight, Haagen-Dazs Strawberry ice cream, so addictive, so I started a diet Oct 10th, down 20 lbs so far, another 20 lbs to go--I will not CTB being overweight!
I was actually just thinking about this. I often think that if I die skinny that people will love me more. Stupid I know.
 
  • Like
Reactions: oysa
timorousTruant

timorousTruant

Azoidant
Nov 18, 2022
75
right now is a good time to kill myself
but i want to feel and be skinny before i die. i dont know how i got here, but somehow on top of wanting to die i developed food issues and i cant stop and i just binged and i feel the fat all over my body and i tried purging like i always but i just couldnt get myself to gag and throw it up and i dont know why so im just digesting it and the fat is like all over my bodya nd tomorrow when i wake up i just know my wrist is going to be thicker and im so scared and disgusted and hate myself and i just want to be skinny and pretty and die.

tomorrow im going to fast no matter what it fucking takes and im going update if i succeed ebcuase i cant take this anymore
I feel this a lot. I've been stuck in this hellhole for years now… Fasting, restricting, binge eating, losing, gaining,
over and over and over. It's so tiresome. It really does mess with your head. Once you start counting calories, I don't think the obsessive food thoughts ever really go away… I wish I could go back in time and get my younger self to just diet normally instead of enacting this godforsaken ED because it really does completely consume you… I wish I knew a way out but I don't. Other than CTB.

A lot of what keeps me going is hoping to die when I'm actually thin lol. Missed my chance last time I hit my LW 😩

Time to get back to losing and gaining the same 20lbs that I've been losing and gaining for years 😍
 
oysa

oysa

Member
Jul 22, 2023
18
This post is sooo interesting to me. I feel the same as I've had an Ed for around 15 years now but it's so interesting to look at why we feel this psychologically because most people's argument is that if your going to die anyway why the hell does it matter if your skinny beforehand? Why not just be fat? I mean your if youll be dead dead anyway you don't exist? Why do we all feel so strongly about the fact we want do be skinny and empty before death? Idk I'd love to see a study on this I find it so interesting
Because I don't want to be looked down on in my death. The idea just don't sit well with my living self rn- also it's on my bucket list to finish before I die
It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.





People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.
Mbmb
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Whale_bones
futileflutters

futileflutters

Cognitively Immobile Borderline Disast-her
Jul 14, 2020
13
It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.





People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.
Apologies
 
  • Love
Reactions: Whale_bones
N

notreallybored

Member
Nov 26, 2024
54
ב''ה,

When you can't afford food you'll change your mind about this.

Actual advice, walk everywhere.
 

Similar threads

depthss
Replies
2
Views
89
Suicide Discussion
FuneralCry
FuneralCry
ValkyrieCain
Replies
3
Views
220
Suicide Discussion
ValkyrieCain
ValkyrieCain
breatheout
Replies
0
Views
79
Suicide Discussion
breatheout
breatheout
acidkitsune23
Venting viscera
Replies
6
Views
237
Suicide Discussion
PianoGoat
PianoGoat
sweetbraid
Replies
5
Views
392
Suicide Discussion
pachamacha
P