Method Gonna CTB this sunday!!! + thoughts on SN protocol

[SocialSoil]

I just got my SN yesterday, I made a will yesterday, today I lied to my teacher that I am ill and took a sick leave until Monday.
I've discussed all important things with my friends already. I'm gonna spend these last days just being silly and enjoying myself.

So, my plan.
Satuday

• 8:00 - metoclopramide 10 mg
• 16:00 - metoclopramide 10 mg
• 24:00 - metoclopramide 10 mg

Sunday
Start fasting, in case of stomachache take nurofen

• 8:00 - metoclopramide 10 mg
• 16:00 - metoclopramide 10 mg
• 23:00 - paracetamol 10 g
• 23:15 - metoclopramide 30 mg

lay towels on bed under myself
put trash can next to head of the bed
open window

• 23:30 - gastal (antacid) 2 pills

pour water in 3 plastic cups, mix with SN 25g (4 teaspoons?) with 50ml of water in each
before taking SN - mouthwash to numb the mouth
prepare gum to cover the taste
talk with friend on the phone, turn lo-fi stream on laptop

• 24:00 - take SN, lay down

take gum to cover the taste
+ I also have atarax (hydroxyzine) but not sure when is time to take it, so if you have any tips about that I'll be really grateful. also, I have mirtazapine and quetiapine, I pass out in 30 mins after taking them, so maybe it will add to just losing consiousness faster?

I really hope it goes smoothly. Please with me luck. I first understood I have to ctb when I had been just 11 years old, seriously. This is finally going to happen. This miserable life ends on sunday. I can't take it anymore I've done everything and this is not enough to be someone who deserves respect. I just don't care about anything except my friends anymore. Please with me luck...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

(4 teaspoons?)

I would use a scale but the table provided in the SN bible also contains and estimation in tablespoons.

SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[SocialSoil]

I would use a scale but the table provided in the SN bible also contains and estimation in tablespoons.

SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you! I somehow forgot about the table.
I understand it's easier to use a scale but I'm seriously so done I can't put myself to wait for another week of delivery. Thank you again

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck with your plan and I hope you find peace.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Wishing you peace.
You seem very organized, it's impressive. I imagine an itinerary like this helps, keeping focused on the next steps to avoid anxiety and dread etc. Do you think so?
I envy that you have friendships you value. Not sure if you're young but you seem sharper than I at whatever age you are, certainly wiser, I should have gone while I had at least the chance to have goodbyes.

 

[depressia]

Sunday may also be my day..anyway good luck...my routine is something like this

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find peace from the suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[piccola anima]

Sono Dispiaciuta che la vita ti abbia portato a questo punto, nessuno dovrebbe soffrire, ma purtroppo non scegliamo di nascere!
Spero tu possa trovare la tua pace

 

[Davey40210]

Hope you find peace OP.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

Good luck, hope you succeed!

 

[Klimpop]

• 23:00 - paracetamol 10 g

Why so much paracetamol?

 

[Kurai]

I'll be ctbing with sn as well on Sunday, wishing us both gooduck and peace

 

[SocialSoil]

Why so much paracetamol?

oh shi- actually thank you for asking this, I somehow thought that 1000mg (as in Stan's guide + SN Bible) = 10g. It turned out to be 1g. I thought I'm good at math but seems like not really so. Idk what could happen if I actually took 10g. Thank you again! (Like seriously. I'm silly)

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

You plan on talking to your friend after taking the SN? Is the friend reliable, not gonna freak out and call an ambulance for you or something?

 

[TransfemCutter]

Good luck. I hope your passing is safe and peaceful. Hopefully one day I'll catch my own bus and come see the view

 

[SocialSoil]

You plan on talking to your friend after taking the SN? Is the friend reliable, not gonna freak out and call an ambulance for you or something?

No, I'm gonna talk with him before SN.
He is reliable, I can say for sure. This is my best friend, we know each other 5+ years, and he knows about my plan to ctb, he knew about this for over a year, he is the reason why I stayed here - to make a will. He is only one who I'll talk to before taking SN, and I didn't say anyone except for him that I plan to ctb on this Sunday. He respects my choice. I mean it. So... yeah, he is reliable.

 

[SocialSoil]

Upd: checked my SN purity just like 10 mins ago.
It was a bit comical. I live in dorms, roommate isn't here, supervisor hadn't checked our room (they do that everyday). And it was almost 10 pm so I thought "Oh, nvm she isn't going to visit me then", locked the door. Now imagine me, sitting with leg stretched on towel, with spoon in blood in my hand as I hear knock on the door. Gladly this one supervisor just asked if I'm ok and gone. Whew.

I took maybe like 1/3 of teaspoon because apparently three cuts weren't giving enough blood and I didn't want to wait. Took just a tiny bit of SN, put it on teaspoon - in less than 5 seconds blood stopped moving, not a drop fell even if I swinged spoon actively, and became like jelly, stuck to the spoon. Then brownish-black dots started appearing in spots where SN mixed with blood, and in minute I already had spoon with heavy brownish-red, half black, blood that completely stopped moving if I rotated or swung the spoon.

So... since blood started becoming thick liquid in less than 5 seconds, I think this is a good sign. We'll see on Sunday I guess.

 

[SocialSoil]

Upd: woke up at almost 5 am today. It wasn't intentional, I'm just anxious. Btw only today's morning I searched up how venlafaxine and metaclopramide react, and ta-dah, in 6 hours I might have serotoning syndrome, which could be deadly, and I need to take 2 more pills and 5 pills tomorrow, so I'll die in both options, the difference is in my plans. And I might have delirium. I took 1st pill half an hour ago, we'll see how I feel. I'll update if anything changes.

 

[imdonewithallofthis]

Upd: woke up at almost 5 am today. It wasn't intentional, I'm just anxious. Btw only today's morning I searched up how venlafaxine and metaclopramide react, and ta-dah, in 6 hours I might have serotoning syndrome, which could be deadly, and I need to take 2 more pills and 5 pills tomorrow, so I'll die in both options, the difference is in my plans. And I might have delirium. I took 1st pill half an hour ago, we'll see how I feel. I'll update if anything changes.

I'm sorry life didn't treat you well. If this is what you want I really hope you can find peace.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

Upd: woke up at almost 5 am today. It wasn't intentional, I'm just anxious. Btw only today's morning I searched up how venlafaxine and metaclopramide react, and ta-dah, in 6 hours I might have serotoning syndrome, which could be deadly, and I need to take 2 more pills and 5 pills tomorrow, so I'll die in both options, the difference is in my plans. And I might have delirium. I took 1st pill half an hour ago, we'll see how I feel. I'll update if anything changes.

It's worth noting that the stat dose is just as effective according to the SN Bible (plus the PPH advises the stat dose, and Dignitas uses the stat dose apparently). So if you want to try and avoid any adverse effects you can switch to that. Serotonin syndrome is no fun at all from what I hear.

 

[heavyeyes]

I wish you peace and goodluck

 

[bitofftoomuch]

People's lives change massively during and immediately after college. Like I hesitate to say "don't CTB at that age" because I think it would just make you angry, but I really think it needs to be said that so much can still completely change.

 

[Aura]

Whatever ends up happening I wish you the best of luck. By the time I wake up in the morning or afternoon seems like you'll be done.
I hope that whatever is troubling you end up finding peace somehow.

 

[SocialSoil]

It's worth noting that the stat dose is just as effective according to the SN Bible (plus the PPH advises the stat dose, and Dignitas uses the stat dose apparently). So if you want to try and avoid any adverse effects you can switch to that. Serotonin syndrome is no fun at all from what I hear.

I understand that and this is actually what I'm doing. Like, 1 pill = 10mg. I stick by SN Bible, with timings and needed doses. So, yeah, I don't want to risk either.
Upd: I was able to sleep a bit in 1 hour after writing this, so I did it. Just woke up. I feel normal, no temperature, dizziness or anything else. I hope it will be that way in next times I take metoclopramide...

 

[covwillgo]

have u traveled? id go see new atmospheres, not 'to change ur mind or brightly open new perspectives!' just out of interest for the cultures and populations that got where they are after years in civilization. nothing interests u like that?

 

[SocialSoil]

have u traveled? id go see new atmospheres, not 'to change ur mind or brightly open new perspectives!' just out of interest for the cultures and populations that got where they are after years in civilization. nothing interests u like that?

I tried this. I do not have any experience travelling alone, and when I wasn't alone, I had to deal with people who bring severe psychological harm. I don't have much energy, and when I travelled, I was forced to everyday walk out, see something... Not mine thing. Maybe in next life or afterlife I get to experience everything better.

 

[SocialSoil]

I have around 28 hours left. Last food I took was cookies. I wanna wash my head tomorrow morning and do a makeup around evening. I want to be pretty for myself and for the person who will find me. I plan to cover most of open skin with concealer.
I feel a bit gross, honestly. I mean, I haven't washed my head for a week (we still didn't get hot water at dorms, at almost fucking october!)... Spent all day laying on one place, sometimes sleeping, bored. I felt strange at some point when I understood that day after tomorrow just won't come for me. I mean, I can't even bring myself to care about anything anymore. I'm just sad I won't be able to talk with my best friend. We agreed on ways how I can visit him, but it's just... different, you know?
I'm just so tired. I guess I just want this misery to stop. I can't care about anything and take anything seriously.

 

[maniac116]

Atarax was sometimes used as a pre-op antiemetic, as it dries up stomach secretions so there's no fluids to vomit. Not sure if it would effect SN.
I use both quetiapine & mirtazepine & if those put me to sleep, I would probably use them & skip the atarax.
Best wishes for a smooth transition.
I hope you go to a place of unwavering love & peace

 

[MountainMan99]

I have around 28 hours left. Last food I took was cookies. I wanna wash my head tomorrow morning and do a makeup around evening. I want to be pretty for myself and for the person who will find me. I plan to cover most of open skin with concealer.
I feel a bit gross, honestly. I mean, I haven't washed my head for a week (we still didn't get hot water at dorms, at almost fucking october!)... Spent all day laying on one place, sometimes sleeping, bored. I felt strange at some point when I understood that day after tomorrow just won't come for me. I mean, I can't even bring myself to care about anything anymore. I'm just sad I won't be able to talk with my best friend. We agreed on ways how I can visit him, but it's just... different, you know?
I'm just so tired. I guess I just want this misery to stop. I can't care about anything and take anything seriously.

Hey, i feel exactly like you do.. i truly hope you find peace when you transition...

If you're still with us.. i'd like to ask you, how did you get metoclopramide? I honestly don't know how am i going to get it... i tried ordering it online but customs did not allow it to pass, and returned it back to the sender..

 

[SocialSoil]

Hey, i feel exactly like you do.. i truly hope you find peace when you transition...

If you're still with us.. i'd like to ask you, how did you get metoclopramide? I honestly don't know how am i going to get it... i tried ordering it online but customs did not allow it to pass, and returned it back to the sender..

Hey. I actually think I was just lucky. Meto is a prescribed by doctor drug here, too, but I just went to pharmacy and asked for antiemetic. They gave me meto without any problem. And we are probably in different countries, so I can't really say how to obtain meto for you...
Upd: have almost 13 hours left. I woke up at almost 2 am and wasn't able to get back to sleep... But now I'm alright. Also, I'm used to eating 2-3 times per 3 days, but it's still feels sad. I don't feel need to eat or weakness (last one is a surprise), but growling of stomach doesn't sound good.
Also, I really want to drink tea. Choose hot water instead. And I also finally went to shower, turns out we got hot water here too, so now I'm just happy. Feel a bit nervous.