Help Hanging myself this weekend?

[AnimeSlayersFan]

Heyo, I was feeling like shet, and I bought 7mts of rope, I have some beautiful strong wooden beams at home, but I don't live alone, this saturday and sunday during the day my mom leaves the house. We do have dogs and idk if they'll make a lot of noise, I hope no annoying neighborgs decide to join the party in case I go through with this.

I tried to make some practice nooses today and laughed at the youtube comments of the tutorial videos, my mood is suddennly better, the suicidal shine up I like to call it, problems fade away when you are thinking of... You know ending every current and future problem in a single day.

But hey, any tips or conversation apreciated, idk how i'll feel in 5min, but now, the idea of hanging brings me some comfort, so I decided to post!

Some ideas/questions:
how do you secure the rope to the beam so it doesn't become undone/unties during the attempt

What noose do you put on your neck? Like I've read the info but what's your personal fav?

I think that's enough for my first post. Sorry for the long post

 

[Linda]

Why do you want to ctb?

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

Heyo, I was feeling like shet, and I bought 7mts of rope, I have some beautiful strong wooden beams at home, but I don't live alone, this saturday and sunday during the day my mom leaves the house. We do have dogs and idk if they'll make a lot of noise, I hope no annoying neighborgs decide to join the party in case I go through with this.

I tried to make some practice nooses today and laughed at the youtube comments of the tutorial videos, my mood is suddennly better, the suicidal shine up I like to call it, problems fade away when you are thinking of... You know ending every current and future problem in a single day.

But hey, any tips or conversation apreciated, idk how i'll feel in 5min, but now, the idea of hanging brings me some comfort, so I decided to post!

Some ideas/questions:
how do you secure the rope to the beam so it doesn't become undone/unties during the attempt

What noose do you put on your neck? Like I've read the info but what's your personal fav?

I think that's enough for my first post. Sorry for the long post

Why do you want to ctb?

Pff... Loooooong story, I think i have undiagnosed autism, next week I was going to get some kind of evaluation.
I'm not working and I don't go outside, for years its been like this after getting out of the mental ward, I have issues dealing with regular people, then I hate the idea of the modern mass surveillance society, decline of living standards and all that
I don't think I can handle "the working world" well, I'm scared of getting abused, ridiculed, not hired, fired, endind up on the street or more traumatized than I am.
For now I'm just leeching off of my mom, but she asks me on a quite frequent basis to get a job, and her pitying me enough is what keeps me where I am. But this won's be forever, and I might miss my chance of killing myself before things turn worse.

In another note, being absolutely sure and prepared to kill miself at any moment is the thing that paradojically gives me confort, holding a "fuck this I'm out" button close to my chest allows me to keep living.
But just being passively suicidal is not enough anymore, I need CERTAINTY, that I can and know how to kill myself so when the time comes, I'm ready.

I could keep on writing for ages, as I'm missing a lot of details, but this reply is 450 words already.

Pff... Loooooong story, I think i have undiagnosed autism, next week I was going to get some kind of evaluation.
I'm not working and I don't go outside, for years its been like this after getting out of the mental ward, I have issues dealing with regular people, then I hate the idea of the modern mass surveillance society, decline of living standards and all that
I don't think I can handle "the working world" well, I'm scared of getting abused, ridiculed, not hired, fired, endind up on the street or more traumatized than I am.
For now I'm just leeching off of my mom, but she asks me on a quite frequent basis to get a job, and her pitying me enough is what keeps me where I am. But this won's be forever, and I might miss my chance of killing myself before things turn worse.

In another note, being absolutely sure and prepared to kill miself at any moment is the thing that paradojically gives me confort, holding a "fuck this I'm out" button close to my chest allows me to keep living.
But just being passively suicidal is not enough anymore, I need CERTAINTY, that I can and know how to kill myself so when the time comes, I'm ready.

I could keep on writing for ages, as I'm missing a lot of details, but this reply is 450 words already.

I'm also scared i'll be really angry if I miss ths chance, and then it becomes harder to kill myself, my mom works from home and I usually don't get these chances...

 

[darksouls]

hello and welcome to sasu
I am very sorry for your situation
however you decide
I wish you the best

 

[hiki4me]

Heyo, I was feeling like shet, and I bought 7mts of rope, I have some beautiful strong wooden beams at home, but I don't live alone, this saturday and sunday during the day my mom leaves the house. We do have dogs and idk if they'll make a lot of noise, I hope no annoying neighborgs decide to join the party in case I go through with this.

I tried to make some practice nooses today and laughed at the youtube comments of the tutorial videos, my mood is suddennly better, the suicidal shine up I like to call it, problems fade away when you are thinking of... You know ending every current and future problem in a single day.

But hey, any tips or conversation apreciated, idk how i'll feel in 5min, but now, the idea of hanging brings me some comfort, so I decided to post!

Some ideas/questions:
how do you secure the rope to the beam so it doesn't become undone/unties during the attempt

What noose do you put on your neck? Like I've read the info but what's your personal fav?

I think that's enough for my first post. Sorry for the long post

i feel you,i felt so horrible but when i started to prepare to ctb i suddenly started to feel so happy idk how long this will last but it feels magical and just so freeing
i bought a 12 mm rope since i heard its the best
about the rest i just gonna follow Evelyn's guide on how to hang yourself it seems solid

 

[Eriktf]

i hate to say it but stuff can get better, it might get worse and it might get better, autism are not the end of the world on its own but its your choice but please be sure you want to ctb when trying.
either way i wishes you the best.

How to hang yourself

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sanctioned-suicide.net

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Linda]

Pff... Loooooong story, I think i have undiagnosed autism, next week I was going to get some kind of evaluation.
I'm not working and I don't go outside, for years its been like this after getting out of the mental ward, I have issues dealing with regular people, then I hate the idea of the modern mass surveillance society, decline of living standards and all that
I don't think I can handle "the working world" well, I'm scared of getting abused, ridiculed, not hired, fired, endind up on the street or more traumatized than I am.
For now I'm just leeching off of my mom, but she asks me on a quite frequent basis to get a job, and her pitying me enough is what keeps me where I am. But this won's be forever, and I might miss my chance of killing myself before things turn worse.

In another note, being absolutely sure and prepared to kill miself at any moment is the thing that paradojically gives me confort, holding a "fuck this I'm out" button close to my chest allows me to keep living.
But just being passively suicidal is not enough anymore, I need CERTAINTY, that I can and know how to kill myself so when the time comes, I'm ready.

I could keep on writing for ages, as I'm missing a lot of details, but this reply is 450 words already.

I'm also scared i'll be really angry if I miss ths chance, and then it becomes harder to kill myself, my mom works from home and I usually don't get these chances...

That makes sense. But "I don't think I can handle the working world ..." is not quite the same as "I have tried the working world and I know I can't handle it ...". You may be right, of course, but you don't really have anything to lose by giving it a try (if you can get a job) and finding out.

Yes, having certainty that you can leave this world if you want to, has, for many people (including me), the slightly paradoxical effect of making this world more bearable. So by all means go ahead and figure out how you would do it. But knowing how to do it doesn't oblige you to do it. Take your time over this. Don't rush. There will be many opportunities to ctb in the future. You don't have to do it right now.

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

i feel you,i felt so horrible but when i started to prepare to ctb i suddenly started to feel so happy idk how long this will last but it feels magical and just so freeing
i bought a 12 mm rope since i heard its the best
about the rest i just gonna follow Evelyn's guide on how to hang yourself it seems solid

I know rightt???? I hate it, I was feeling like absolute shit and ready, and now I have this surge of good mood, I'm also on clonazepam, but every day I take one pill, is one less pill to help me ctb (If I wanted to relax myself during an attempt) It's like two ropes pulling to opposite directions at the same time. And the comedy of the situation is that we are not even immortal. So, I could suddenly feel better and get run over by a car too. It's exhausting. The meds that I might be prescribed if I'm diagnosed could maybe help my mood, but have terrible side effects, kill my sexual function, or kill my brief moments of happiness. It's a catch 22, everything seems to bring in pain at some point and then you still die.
Also, SS itself and being able to talk with good people as yourselves has the same effect, I lurked for years on here before entering, and to feel so instantly heard? It's almost painful in a weird happy way.
(Are real life pictures allowed on SS? Like not of any identifiable or creepy thing, but for example of a "setup" such as rope/ceiling? I won't post anything If I'm not sure it is allowed or not.

 

[Eriktf]

I have this surge of good mood

thats good but during bad mood swings are not a good time to decide if you gonna ctb or not

I'm also on clonazepam, but every day I take one pill, is one less pill to help me ctb

you dont relly need benzo to ctb so if em helps then use em and dont worry about saving some for ctb

So, I could suddenly feel better and get run over by a car too.

there are noting to gain by worrying about that.

The meds that I might be prescribed if I'm diagnosed could maybe help my mood, but have terrible side effects, kill my sexual function, or kill my brief moments of happiness.

i would try to get diagnosed then maybe there are some meds/therapy out there that can help you get better, all meds have side effects thats why you get a period where you try out different types to find one that works

(Are real life pictures allowed on SS? Like not of any identifiable or creepy thing, but for example of a "setup" such as rope/ceiling? I won't post anything If I'm not sure it is allowed or not.

Yes.

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

Okay, I lost my window today as my mom has showed up. I would have to wait till wednesday, and then saturday, for my "diagnosis". I don't know I'll- Just as I was typing this my mom started to bother me again, I told her how important my diagnosis is and she pushed me down, I now remember why I feel like this, I haven't eaten today too, and I told her that when she asked, and she got upset at me, and it brought my mood down, I can't really talk to her about this basic thing. I have the same issue with 99% of other people too, just can't fucking communicate, and that is debilitating and also i think the primary reason I think of carrying out with the attempt. It seems the "good mood" I had ended as soon as I needed to interact with another "normal" human.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

Did you test your anchor point? Are you 100% sure it will hold your weight and will not break?

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

Okay, I lost my window today as my mom has showed up. I would have to wait till wednesday, and then saturday, for my "diagnosis". I don't know I'll- Just as I was typing this my mom started to bother me again, I told her how important my diagnosis is and she pushed me down, I now remember why I feel like this, I haven't eaten today too, and I told her that when she asked, and she got upset at me, and it brought my mood down, I can't really talk to her about this basic thing. I have the same issue with 99% of other people too, just can't fucking communicate, and that is debilitating and also i think the primary reason I think of carrying out with the attempt. It seems the "good mood" I had ended as soon as I needed to interact with another "normal" human.

Did you test your anchor point? Are you 100% sure it will hold your weight and will not break?

If we are talking about anchor points, mine has to be the best one ever made, is a central wooden log that's MASSIVE. I could put like 300kgs there and It wouldn't break. Now the ligature, I'm not so sure, when I bought it (first time I bought rope, was really nervous cause this is a small town and was feeling like shit at the time and didn't want anyone to find out) they offered me one called a "number 8", then a "number 10" and when I tried making a knot with the number 10 it felt a bit hard to work with so I choose the smaller one, doubted myself, but picked that number 8, There were more people there, I didn't wanna start crying or say incriminating shit like "Hey, you reckon I can use this to put round me neck?" hshshshshs man it was pure comedy, I had to take a double dose of clonazepam (klonopin for you guys I think) so I could do my poker face at the shop, and then got instantly fucked up after that, like I got sick for the day right after double dosing.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

If we are talking about anchor points, mine has to be the best one ever made, is a central wooden log that's MASSIVE. I could put like 300kgs there and It wouldn't break. Now the ligature, I'm not so sure, when I bought it (first time I bought rope, was really nervous cause this is a small town and was feeling like shit at the time and didn't want anyone to find out) they offered me one called a "number 8", then a "number 10" and when I tried making a knot with the number 10 it felt a bit hard to work with so I choose the smaller one, doubted myself, but picked that number 8, There were more people there, I didn't wanna start crying or say incriminating shit like "Hey, you reckon I can use this to put round me neck?" hshshshshs man it was pure comedy, I had to take a double dose of clonazepam (klonopin for you guys I think) so I could do my poker face at the shop, and then got instantly fucked up after that, like I got sick for the day right after double dosing.

Hey you can order very good ropes on amazon. In the description they also write how much weight the rope can hold. Buy a polyester one with 12mm thickness

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

Hey you can order very good ropes on amazon. In the description they also write how much weight the rope can hold. Buy a polyester one with 12mm thickness

Hey, I attached a few files, are these the right ones? I don't use amazon.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

Hey, I attached a few files, are these the right ones? I don't use amazon.

The rope looks very similar to my rope. Is it polyester? From what i see i'd say its a good rope which shouldn't do the job. In my earlier question about the anchor point i'd like to ask you what makes you 100% sure it will hold because i also have a woodbeam and i tested it a lot but i'm still thinking what if it will break and i will wake up in a hospital completely damaged neurologically and physically