Has anyone here had problems with drugs?

[Idideverythingwrong]

I would like to know if anyone is going through a similar situation to mine.
I started doing drugs when I was 13 years old, specifically marijuana and alcohol, by 15 I had already tried cocaine. By the time I was 18 my life became a disaster, I tried most of the drugs that exist and I got really hooked on coke.
Then at the age of 21 I had my first psychotic break, and then repeated the situation at the age of 23.
The question is, I am sunk in a well where I have been taking more than 10 medications for 3 years and no psychiatrist can help me, I have no job and I live with my mother.
I have a lot of mental problems that are not resolved and basically I have a bad time all day, even when I sleep I have nightmares.
Can anyone understand me? has anyone had psychosis due to drug use?
It's horrible to see how you ruined the lives of the people who love you
I just want to die

 

[kitkat9234]

I've been a drug addict/alcoholic since I was a teenager (I turn 42 this month).Pot, alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, molly, abused pain killers and adderall. Used meth once. My drug use ruined my life. On top of having depression, anxiety, bipolar. Now I'm I'm so much psych meds it's crazy. I am a numb emotionless empty shell of a person and just want to die. I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs to you.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Never touched the hard stuff but I think drug use ruined my life.

First, coffee--don't laugh--probably changed my personality around 18-20. Just sort of manic all the time, and too inward. I really thought reading novels and watching movies would enlighten me somehow and this was more important than my D1 sport, or working towards a career. I spent all day sipping and going on these inner journeys, really just turning off my thoughts and flooding my mind with those of others. I eventually added nicotine.

Probably worse was weed. From the time I dropped out of college (21, almost done) I started smoking regularly to cope. When I quit in my late 20s, I had a flaming psychosis, hugely embarrassing, saying offensive and insane things to everyone I knew. Smoked again more recently, quit again, went psychotic again but more briefly. I don't smoke now as trazodone gets me to sleep. But I feel permanently dumber, more anxious, and more confused.

My brothers are worse off. They became heroin addicts and are still on methadone/suboxone. One ran out of veins to spike. The other had an enormous infection that caused his whole leg (both?) to swell up and turn red.

Mormon mode is best. Just go with your evolved brain chemistry, folks. Like you did as a kid.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

I've been a drug addict/alcoholic since I was a teenager (I turn 42 this month).Pot, alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, molly, abused pain killers and adderall. Used meth once. My drug use ruined my life. On top of having depression, anxiety, bipolar. Now I'm I'm so much psych meds it's crazy. I am a numb emotionless empty shell of a person and just want to die. I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs to

I've been a drug addict/alcoholic since I was a teenager (I turn 42 this month).Pot, alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, molly, abused pain killers and adderall. Used meth once. My drug use ruined my life. On top of having depression, anxiety, bipolar. Now I'm I'm so much psych meds it's crazy. I am a numb emotionless empty shell of a person and just want to die. I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs to you.

I feel very identified with you, the truth is that I always thought I had control of my consumption but when I realized I was already psychotic. Sometimes I get mad at my parents for giving me so many liberties at such a young age but the fault is mine alone.
I have experimented with all drugs, lsd, ketamine, cocaine, crack, mdma, mushrooms and lots and lots of marijuana.
I feel the same way about feelings, I have practically no feelings.

 

[L'absent]

No, never had any problems. I've always had a good relationship.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

Never touched the hard stuff but I think drug use ruined my life.

First, coffee--don't laugh--probably changed my personality around 18-20. Just sort of manic all the time, and too inward. I really thought reading novels and watching movies would enlighten me somehow and this was more important than my D1 sport, or working towards a career. I spent all day sipping and going on these inner journeys, really just turning off my thoughts and flooding my mind with those of others. I eventually added nicotine.

Probably worse was weed. From the time I dropped out of college (21, almost done) I started smoking regularly to cope. When I quit in my late 20s, I had a flaming psychosis, hugely embarrassing, saying offensive and insane things to everyone I knew. Smoked again more recently, quit again, went psychotic again but more briefly. I don't smoke now as trazodone gets me to sleep. But I feel permanently dumber, more anxious, and more confused.

My brothers are worse off. They became heroin addicts and are still on methadone/suboxone. One ran out of veins to spike. The other had an enormous infection that caused his whole leg (both?) to swell up and turn red.

Mormon mode is best. Just go with your evolved brain chemistry, folks. Like you did as a kid.

Well, you have hope! I wish mine had been just coffee.
Think ahead
Drug psychosis is a real nightmare

 

[lycheeginger]

i hear you. my most detrimental addiction is extremely embarrassing to talk about, but i hope it might make you feel less alone.

when i was around 13 i was admitted to a psych hospital and i had another patient recommend overdosing on benadryl because the symptoms are almost like a datura high. thought i would try it once. i had no idea it was physically and psychologically addictive, and by the time i was hooked i truly believed i didn't care about what i was doing to my body.

flash forward 8 months, had to spend a couple nights in the ICU on a ventilator because i had a severe grand mal seizure and fractured my skull collapsing into the wall. not even that could get me to stop. i knew i was too far gone and i didn't care anymore. my parents didn't care (junkies. very turbulent home life but i was safe at this point and that's what kills me. i could have been fine but all i knew how to do was destroy myself.) and none of my doctors would take me seriously.

it took me less than a year to ruin my entire life. traumatic and anoxic brain injuries, severe damage to my acetylcholine receptors that mimics alzheimers disease, heart failure, kidney disease, loss of vision and hearing, hallucinations and loss of touch with reality, severe PTSD. i was in psychosis for two years after i stopped.

i couldn't cope. i was smoking 3g of weed and drinking 15 standard drinks almost nightly from 14-17. my dad would buy me everything i needed. i'm 18 now and i still have an alcohol dependency. i'm cutting down because it's not working anymore, though.

i think the worst part is that i don't deserve any empathy. i did this to myself and i can't complain that i'm seeing the consequences. it just sucks to know that i likely wouldn't be suicidal now if it had gone a different way.

 

[kitkat9234]

I wish I never used drugs/alcohol. I wouldn't be in this place in life if I didn't. Ugh. I hate this.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

I wish I never used drugs/alcohol. I wouldn't be in this place in life if I didn't. Ugh. I hate this.

I feel exactly the same my friend, he was a cute smart guy and full of life, I ruined everything. Hugs!!!

 

[mattoman]

Not drugs but with alcohol I've had with issues, mostly thanks to depressive episodes. That kinda led me to gambling so I've had issues with these two things. Both suck, wouldn't recommend to anyone

 

[swankysoup]

Yeah, alcohol. I'm trying to cut down these days since the negative effects are starting to be a real drag. I only started drinking to cope with massive realizations about my past, so it's not like it's just a bad habit. I have barely anything else to do for fun.

 

[VoidBlessed]

I've been addicted to a number of substances throughout my life that I've managed to kick, but the one addiction that ruined it all beginning at age 10 was screens. I was bullied at school and abused at home so I disappeared into video games to distract me and I've never really emerged from that world. By brain's expectations and dopamine pathways are warped and I missed out on 80-90% of critical socialization experiences children need to have to be able to form healthy relationships. I've also wasted thousands of hours of my life on a mindless glowing dissociation box with nothing real to show for it. These days I'm too depressed to even play games, so the addiction has gotten even worse to youtube shorts and scrolling reddit.

i think the worst part is that i don't deserve any empathy. i did this to myself and i can't complain that i'm seeing the consequences. it just sucks to know that i likely wouldn't be suicidal now if it had gone a different way.

I believe you do deserve empathy. At 14 our brains aren't fully developed and we do lots of ill-advised things whose consequences we biologically can't understand. It sounds like you were in survival mode and simply had the bad luck to hear about DPH at a time when it made an impression. It's possible to feel deep regret and show yourself some grace at the same time.

I wish I never used drugs/alcohol. I wouldn't be in this place in life if I didn't. Ugh. I hate this.

Addictions are the worst. It seems like our brains set us up to fail - they automatically seek the easiest, cheapest escape and comfort and are designed to get addicted to what they find.

 

[kitkat9234]

This is my daughter she is an only child and me and her father are divorced. She was also bullied in school. The pandemic was tough on her along with the separation. She has had a phone to keep in contact with us while with the other parent. I feel like she is addicted to it and not sure how to break her of it. I worry about her not having good relationships. I don't think she has many friends besides the ones she plays games with on line. It hurts my heart thinking about her future. Especially if/when I CTB. She's 10.

I've been addicted to a number of substances throughout my life that I've managed to kick, but the one addiction that ruined it all beginning at age 10 was screens. I was bullied at school and abused at home so I disappeared into video games to distract me and I've never really emerged from that world. By brain's expectations and dopamine pathways are warped and I missed out on 80-90% of critical socialization experiences children need to have to be able to form healthy relationships. I've also wasted thousands of hours of my life on a mindless glowing dissociation box with nothing real to show for it. These days I'm too depressed to even play games, so the addiction has gotten even worse to youtube shorts and scrolling reddit.

 

[Hotsackage]

Ya a lot of psychological problems are caused by substances, not all, but ya I smoked weed, and to dp dr, ocd existential w.e, u get use to it. Sorry you're going through it

 

[VoidBlessed]

This is my daughter she is an only child and me and her father are divorced. She was also bullied in school. The pandemic was tough on her along with the separation. She has had a phone to keep in contact with us while with the other parent. I feel like she is addicted to it and not sure how to break her of it. I worry about her not having good relationships. I don't think she has many friends besides the ones she plays games with on line. It hurts my heart thinking about her future. Especially if/when I CTB. She's 10.

I completely get it. I don't have children of my own but I've been getting more and more frightened for the children out there for what technology is doing to them. From what I've read, the apps they use (tiktok, games, even "educational" apps) are designed to be as addictive as possible to keep kids on their phones forever. Their brains are basically being trained to be addicted to instant gratification during some of their most important developmental years.

I think what would have pulled me out of it would have been a deeply engaging, positive real world to experience. It was always a very shallow distraction, a sort of surface-level smoke and mirror display that I used to escape a harsh but intensely boring world (after all, kids bullying you and parents screaming at you starts to sound like a broken record). I can't offer any concrete advice but I think it's wonderful you're aware of this trend and trying to set your daughter up for success.

 

[MadAna]

I would like to know if anyone is going through a similar situation to mine.
I started doing drugs when I was 13 years old, specifically marijuana and alcohol, by 15 I had already tried cocaine. By the time I was 18 my life became a disaster, I tried most of the drugs that exist and I got really hooked on coke.
Then at the age of 21 I had my first psychotic break, and then repeated the situation at the age of 23.
The question is, I am sunk in a well where I have been taking more than 10 medications for 3 years and no psychiatrist can help me, I have no job and I live with my mother.
I have a lot of mental problems that are not resolved and basically I have a bad time all day, even when I sleep I have nightmares.
Can anyone understand me? has anyone had psychosis due to drug use?
It's horrible to see how you ruined the lives of the people who love you
I just want to die

well your life it's very similar to mine, a part from the psychosis... i had depression all my life, i think since 7... tried to ctb for the first time at 9 in front of my mother and dad. they obviously didn't care .started with drugs at 12 and addicted especially to crack for many years then stopped. but been on heroine for almost 15 years. living for me it's pointless but i have a boyfriend, a cat and a dog. that's all. no family no true friends only acquaintances. but i don't want to give this trauma to the only 3 individuals i truly care about. but if one day i'll not be with them anymore, i'll go far away and disappear forever.. for now i have to live this shitty life day by day, doing a shitty job that i don't give a fuck about just to pay my living expenses... damn, i always wish to disappear. every fkn day.. in one way or another.. but i'm still here. this damn life man....

 

[-Tandem-]

I would like to know if anyone is going through a similar situation to mine.
I started doing drugs when I was 13 years old, specifically marijuana and alcohol, by 15 I had already tried cocaine. By the time I was 18 my life became a disaster, I tried most of the drugs that exist and I got really hooked on coke.
Then at the age of 21 I had my first psychotic break, and then repeated the situation at the age of 23.
The question is, I am sunk in a well where I have been taking more than 10 medications for 3 years and no psychiatrist can help me, I have no job and I live with my mother.
I have a lot of mental problems that are not resolved and basically I have a bad time all day, even when I sleep I have nightmares.
Can anyone understand me? has anyone had psychosis due to drug use?
It's horrible to see how you ruined the lives of the people who love you
I just want to die

Yes and yes. I had a psychotic break around 25 but I didn't start anything hard until about 22 or 23. I've been 100% sober for a little while and it has helped a lot but the shame/guilt and regret from using/drinking haunt me all day everyday. I also have nightmares pretty much every single night. It truly is horrible to see how you've ruined your relationships with loved one's. The disappointment in their faces. Even though I'm sober and have zero plans of getting fucked up anymore I still want to cut ties with my family. My dad kinda begged me to come home for Thanksgiving and I do not want to see or be around my family. It's embarrassing. I blocked my siblings phone numbers a few months ago. I may do the same with my parents. Idk i'm rambling. I can relate man. You aren't alone!! Hit me up if you ever wanna talk.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

Yes and yes. I had a psychotic break around 25 but I didn't start anything hard until about 22 or 23. I've been 100% sober for a little while and it has helped a lot but the shame/guilt and regret from using/drinking haunt me all day everyday. I also have nightmares pretty much every single night. It truly is horrible to see how you've ruined your relationships with loved one's. The disappointment in their faces. Even though I'm sober and have zero plans of getting fucked up anymore I still want to cut ties with my family. My dad kinda begged me to come home for Thanksgiving and I do not want to see or be around my family. It's embarrassing. I blocked my siblings phone numbers a few months ago. I may do the same with my parents. Idk i'm rambling. I can relate man. You aren't alone!! Hit me up if you ever wanna talk.

It is an unfortunate situation, how can I send you a private message?thank you for understanding me.

 

[Amarajoy]

i hear you. my most detrimental addiction is extremely embarrassing to talk about, but i hope it might make you feel less alone.

when i was around 13 i was admitted to a psych hospital and i had another patient recommend overdosing on benadryl because the symptoms are almost like a datura high. thought i would try it once. i had no idea it was physically and psychologically addictive, and by the time i was hooked i truly believed i didn't care about what i was doing to my body.

flash forward 8 months, had to spend a couple nights in the ICU on a ventilator because i had a severe grand mal seizure and fractured my skull collapsing into the wall. not even that could get me to stop. i knew i was too far gone and i didn't care anymore. my parents didn't care (junkies. very turbulent home life but i was safe at this point and that's what kills me. i could have been fine but all i knew how to do was destroy myself.) and none of my doctors would take me seriously.

it took me less than a year to ruin my entire life. traumatic and anoxic brain injuries, severe damage to my acetylcholine receptors that mimics alzheimers disease, heart failure, kidney disease, loss of vision and hearing, hallucinations and loss of touch with reality, severe PTSD. i was in psychosis for two years after i stopped.

i couldn't cope. i was smoking 3g of weed and drinking 15 standard drinks almost nightly from 14-17. my dad would buy me everything i needed. i'm 18 now and i still have an alcohol dependency. i'm cutting down because it's not working anymore, though.

i think the worst part is that i don't deserve any empathy. i did this to myself and i can't complain that i'm seeing the consequences. it just sucks to know that i likely wouldn't be suicidal now if it had gone a different way.

Yes you do deserve empathy. You were a kid. Drugs are very powerful and they are everywhere. It's easy to beat yourself up but truth is you deserve empathy. And you deserved a better world.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

Yes and yes. I had a psychotic break around 25 but I didn't start anything hard until about 22 or 23. I've been 100% sober for a little while and it has helped a lot but the shame/guilt and regret from using/drinking haunt me all day everyday. I also have nightmares pretty much every single night. It truly is horrible to see how you've ruined your relationships with loved one's. The disappointment in their faces. Even though I'm sober and have zero plans of getting fucked up anymore I still want to cut ties with my family. My dad kinda begged me to come home for Thanksgiving and I do not want to see or be around my family. It's embarrassing. I blocked my siblings phone numbers a few months ago. I may do the same with my parents. Idk i'm rambling. I can relate man. You aren't alone!! Hit me up if you ever wanna talk.

By the way the nightmares are totally horrible, every night I dream that I consume and it torments me

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

My brother has been high on meth and sleepless for about 96 hours. He has wounds all over his face. And he's still yelling, singing, drumming on things.

I've always been a secular guy but seeing this makes me wonder about demons.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Not drugs but with alcohol

Alcohol is a drug

 

[girlsboysthems]

yeah, did all the drugs from ages 16-21ish, then i just stopped because i didnt feel like it anymore. i still eat an edible here and there but im just too fucking low to get high. i have had this bottle of liquor beside my bed for 6 months now and i didnt even open it. like. the drugs are on the desk and the alxohol is 10 cms away and still its too far for me...
too low man.. drugs used to keep me going, did 2 years of uni without even realizing it, now that im not on drugs i dont know how im going to finish this crap...