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Has anyone moved away to a new city or state or country to recover, start over, and escape a place that causes you pain?
I'm an empath and where I live now is dragging me to a dark place. It's hard to explain but I feel that I need to move elsewhere to recover.
Sometimes moving away can be the answer. Assuming I don't have another episode and kms in the meantime I'm working towards moving. But I'm not moving away I'm moving back. When I was 2 my mother move me to another province and now I'm moving back home.
I think I lived to find a way to be accepted , even though I didn't accept anything really at all about the human condition ... the whole kaboodle.
I shifted to somewhere else some years ago and it was quite bad to start with ...
I concluded that I had dragged my shitty baggage with me and unrolled it all in front of everyone .. ( my attitudes , beliefs ... doubts ,self loathing ) and that was what caused a lot of my initial negative experiences in my new location . Might be gaslighting myself a bit ... but I have factored in other peoples craziness (normality lol).
On reflection , I was tightly orbiting people who made me feel inadequate.
I chose to do this , like some family conditioning thing .
It's weird to realize how we can easily continue an habitual dynamic of perpetual self disempowerment.
On the whole ... years later , just not being around "those people" is a pressure relief .
I am very wary of "friendships" now.
Loneliness with pleasant superficial polite interactions occasionally (simple transactional dynamics with no emotional intensity) is fine at the moment.
All in all ... moving was good .
It wasn't their fault ... they didn't know how insane I was ... but maybe even that was part of the problem . No-one ever "got" just how bloody awful I felt . all the time .
I have. It's been... Meh. A lot of money problems I could have avoided but it's hard to live with my parents and my hometown it's depressing for how small and uneventful it is.
I mean most of my mental health problems derive from bad coping mechanisms and trauma, that's something you carry with you anywhere you go, but being able to find myself has been a good source of hope.
I also enjoy way too much to have my own place, even if it's a small overpriced apartment with no bedroom.
But fucking money it's such a stressor I hate it so much holy shit.
I think I lived to find a way to be accepted , even though I didn't accept anything really at all about the human condition ... the whole kaboodle.
I shifted to somewhere else some years ago and it was quite bad to start with ...
I concluded that I had dragged my shitty baggage with me and unrolled it all in front of everyone .. ( my attitudes , beliefs ... doubts ,self loathing ) and that was what caused a lot of my initial negative experiences in my new location . Might be gaslighting myself a bit ... but I have factored in other peoples craziness (normality lol).
On reflection , I was tightly orbiting people who made me feel inadequate.
I chose to do this , like some family conditioning thing .
It's weird to realize how we can easily continue an habitual dynamic of perpetual self disempowerment.
On the whole ... years later , just not being around "those people" is a pressure relief .
I am very wary of "friendships" now.
Loneliness with pleasant superficial polite interactions occasionally (simple transactional dynamics with no emotional intensity) is fine at the moment.
All in all ... moving was good .
It wasn't their fault ... they didn't know how insane I was ... but maybe even that was part of the problem . No-one ever "got" just how bloody awful I felt . all the time .
Wow, are you me? This is exactly what I went through
I dragged my baggage with me and as a result things got... complicated and didn't get better. I surrounded myself with others who mirrored by hurting soul.
We don't have a functional mental health system where I live. No one wanted to fund one, because they were all 100% sure nobody who mattered to them would ever need one. A million dead people later, folks are all Pikachu-faced as they discover local therapists and treatment centers have indefinite waiting lists, or have closed their waiting lists entirely.
I think about moving to the other side of the state sometimes. I probably can't do it though, for complicated reasons involving my housing situation. It's probably a sign I should ctb, but of course now I don't really want to. FML.
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