Help Has anyone tried ECT?

[LunarLight]

I tried everything but ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) for my major depressive disorder. The psychiatrist I saw last time I was in psych ward said it would be a good idea, but never pushed it further. Seems like it's not available where I live. But there's a clinic not far from where my father lives which seems to offer ECT. I could try to contact them.

I'm desperate, I would try anything to stay alive but at the current time I can't stop thinking of CTBing, even when I'm asleep I dream of it. But at the same time, I would like so much to stay alive. I feel like I have so much to offer. Writing, singing, playing music: these are the things I used to enjoy and be good at, and can't do anymore because I'm too depressed. I can't work. I can't make friends. I can't study. I can't do anything but crying in my bed, lurking SaSu and Twitter, sometimes playing video games when I'm able to. I've been depressed since I was 10, I can feel all my mental abilities decline, and I feel like it's gonna be only downhill from here if nothing is done. If I keep on living this way, I will be suffering for years before my physical health declines as well and I will suffer even more. My mother died at 56 of lung cancer and she lived through hell for one year and a half before dying in excruciating pain. My father is 65, has sciatica, and he suffers so much from it that he jokingly said he'd buy a one-way ticket to Switzerland, or at least throw himself in front of a car so that he could be operated on. And it's only sciatica. He's only 65 and he's already thinking of suicide, not because of his mental health which seems rather stable compared to mine, but because of the pain age inflicts on him.
Ageing is no joke. I'm so afraid of it. I'm fat, I smoke, I can't stop gaining weight. I will end up having diabetes and cancer. But at the same time, I know I have this unhealthy behavior because I wanna die.
So as much as my life is clearly not worth living at the current time, it can't be anything but worse. I don't see myself live through this. ECT is my only hope. I tried EVERYTHING. So much meds, therapy, narcotics. Nothing ever worked (well, narcotics helped but for a few weeks only). But ECT seems efficient and promising, and I don't wanna die without trying it. If it could at least allow me to live my life and not leave my partner alone...

Has anyone tried ECT? What was it like? Did you find it helpful?

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes, it worked temporarily but it came with a lot of memory loss. Like I can't remember a lot of events in my life, people, or pets. It wasn't worth the temporary relief to me to loose so many memories . Not everyone gets bad memory loss , they don't know why some people do and some don't. It's a last resort treatment . If you go into it with the knowledge that you may permanently loose memories it's worth a shot. The doctors lied to me and said it was just temporary. It does save people's lives though as it's most effective for severe treatment resistant depression

 

[LunarLight]

Yes, it worked temporarily but it came with a lot of memory loss. Like I can't remember a lot of events in my life, people, or pets. It wasn't worth the temporary relief to me to loose so many memories . Not everyone gets bad memory loss , they don't know why some people do and some don't. It's a last resort treatment . If you go into it with the knowledge that you may permanently loose memories it's worth a shot. The doctors lied to me and said it was just temporary. It does save people's lives though as it's most effective for severe treatment resistant depression

Yeah I know about the awful side effects some people get. It's definitely a last resort treatment to me. I'm in such pain I'd try anything. Tried esketamine on my own because psychiatrists don't give a shit about my mental health and wouldn't try alternative treatments on me. Got addicted for two months and a half, lost a lot of money, but you know what? It was definitely worth it, those were the happiest months of my life. It helped for a while, but the serotoninergic effects kinda vanished and I got severe bladder symptoms. So I quit and now I stay away from it.
Tried heroin and pregabalin as well, same shit. It works for a while, and then you build a tolerance and it's over. I still take pregabalin every other day, which results in slight mood improvement but I still wanna CTB.
I'd trade my memory for any slight mood improvement whatsoever, even temporary. I definitely see my depression as a terminal illness and if I can gain a few months of life, so be it. Because I'm not gonna last long like this. The problem is, I don't know how to have access to rTMS or ECT, it seems like I gotta have a paper from my GP but she's overbooked and doesn't have any appointment available for the moment. I don't wanna see yet another psychiatrist who's gonna bullshit me and keep me on ISRS, THEY DON'T WORK, I KNOW. I saw psychiatrists for seven years, nothing got better, it's not the solution. But it's kinda urgent, if I have an appointment in July, idk if I'm gonna make it through.
I've read so many bad things about ECT here, you're the first one who underlines some positive aspects about it lol. But all in all, I have nothing to lose. I'll try, and if it doesn't work, so be it, I'll CTB without regrets.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yeah I know about the awful side effects some people get. It's definitely a last resort treatment to me. I'm in such pain I'd try anything. Tried esketamine on my own because psychiatrists don't give a shit about my mental health and wouldn't try alternative treatments on me. Got addicted for two months and a half, lost a lot of money, but you know what? It was definitely worth it, those were the happiest months of my life. It helped for a while, but the serotoninergic effects kinda vanished and I got severe bladder symptoms. So I quit and now I stay away from it.
Tried heroin and pregabalin as well, same shit. It works for a while, and then you build a tolerance and it's over. I still take pregabalin every other day, which results in slight mood improvement but I still wanna CTB.
I'd trade my memory for any slight mood improvement whatsoever, even temporary. I definitely see my depression as a terminal illness and if I can gain a few months of life, so be it. Because I'm not gonna last long like this. The problem is, I don't know how to have access to rTMS or ECT, it seems like I gotta have a paper from my GP but she's overbooked and doesn't have any appointment available for the moment. I don't wanna see yet another psychiatrist who's gonna bullshit me and keep me on ISRS, THEY DON'T WORK, I KNOW. I saw psychiatrists for seven years, nothing got better, it's not the solution. But it's kinda urgent, if I have an appointment in July, idk if I'm gonna make it through.
I've read so many bad things about ECT here, you're the first one who underlines some positive aspects about it lol. But all in all, I have nothing to lose. I'll try, and if it doesn't work, so be it, I'll CTB without regrets.

I understand I have tried it all too. Ketamine helped temporarily the infusions are a lot more potent than the spray. I did TMS and didn't work, my doc said it's not usually helpful for those with severe depression but those with mild or moderate but it's worth a shot. ECT is worth trying as a Last resort

 

[LunarLight]

I understand I have tried it all too. Ketamine helped temporarily the infusions are a lot more potent than the spray. I did TMS and didn't work, my doc said it's not usually helpful for those with severe depression but those with mild or moderate but it's worth a shot. ECT is worth trying as a Last resort

Okay, good to know about TMS. It contradicts what the studies say about TMS and TRD, but from what I've read here, it doesn't seem to work either. And I'm always cautious when I read studies because you know, researchers aren't always honest and may depend on pharmaceutical interests. But what I've read here might be a biased sample though, as people whose condition has improved may not feel the need to come back on SaSu.

 

[divinemistress36]

Okay, good to know about TMS. It contradicts what the studies say about TMS and TRD, but from what I've read here, it doesn't seem to work either. And I'm always cautious when I read studies because you know, researchers aren't always honest and may depend on pharmaceutical interests. But what I've read here might be a biased sample though, as people whose condition has improved may not feel the need to come back on SaSu.

That's true our brain chemistry is all so different. Are you in the USA?

 

[LunarLight]

That's true our brain chemistry is all so different. Are you in the USA?

No I'm not, fortunately enough lol. The USA healthcare system is shit. Where I live it's all refunded.

 

[divinemistress36]

No I'm not, fortunately enough lol. The USA healthcare system is shit. Where I live it's all refunded.

It really is . I was going to say there are some places here where one can go do a shroom assisted therapy

 

[LunarLight]

It really is . I was going to say there are some places here where one can go do a shroom assisted therapy

I tried shrooms too (although for recreational purposes), it doesn't work on me. LSD and MDMA neither. No effect whatsoever.

 

[divinemistress36]

I tried shrooms too (although for recreational purposes), it doesn't work on me. LSD and MDMA neither. No effect whatsoever.

Wow you have tried it all :(

 

[LunarLight]

Wow you have tried it all :(

Yeah, it's so fucking frustrating.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yeah, it's so fucking frustrating.

I definitely get it!

 

[beetle]

Haven't personally tried it, but I know someone who has tried ketamine/shrooms/other medication, therapy, etc. with no differences, but recently started doing ECT and is so much happier now. They've also experienced quite a bit of memory loss but they felt better almost immediately and for the long-term. Like @divinemistress36 said, if you're okay with the memory loss then I think it's a good option to consider. Best of luck in your treatment :)

 

[LunarLight]

Haven't personally tried it, but I know someone who has tried ketamine/shrooms/other medication, therapy, etc. with no differences, but recently started doing ECT and is so much happier now. They've also experienced quite a bit of memory loss but they felt better almost immediately and for the long-term. Like @divinemistress36 said, if you're okay with the memory loss then I think it's a good option to consider. Best of luck in your treatment :)

Thank you so much for your insight! I'm glad to read something positive about ECT. It gives me a little bit of hope.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Lurking here. ECT will probably be the next (final?) step after rTMS Im getting now (doesn't work)

Yes, it worked temporarily but it came with a lot of memory loss. Like I can't remember a lot of events in my life, people, or pets. It wasn't worth the temporary relief to me to loose so many memories . Not everyone gets bad memory loss , they don't know why some people do and some don't. It's a last resort treatment . If you go into it with the knowledge that you may permanently loose memories it's worth a shot. The doctors lied to me and said it was just temporary. It does save people's lives though as it's most effective for severe treatment resistant depression

I couldn't care less about something as minor as memory loss?? This is about getting my life back. I became suicidal and ended up here . I don't want to die. I want to get better. At this point side effects don't matter.

Or is it really that bad that i should care?

 

[divinemistress36]

Lurking here. ECT will probably be the next (final?) step after rTMS Im getting now (doesn't work)


I couldn't care less about something as minor as memory loss?? This is about getting my life back. I became suicidal and ended up here . I don't want to die. I want to get better. At this point side effects don't matter.

Or is it really that bad that i should care?

Everyone is different. Some people it's minor some severe .

 

[restlessdream3r]

I tried ECT- I had 16 treatments total. It was my last hope. I tried everything before that, including 30 different medications. At first it did help me, I think it even pushed me into the manic side of things a little. I saw improvement within 4/5 sessions. After that though, it was all downhill. I had severe memory loss, short and long term. I was forgetting not only things that happened during the time spam of the treatment periods, but years before that. It is scary, I still suffer from memory loss. Both kinds. I forget huge chunks of my life. I wish I could go back in time and not do it. Every person is different though. Do your research I felt like I had nothing to lose.

 

[onmy12threason]

Sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. I understand that it must feel incredibly disappointing to have tried so many treatments and experience little improvement. Though I can't speak for ECT, I have done TMS as a treatment for persistent depression. I find that many of these alternative treatments are not long-term solutions for depression. I'm still not too sure if TMS made me feel anything, if not the placebo effect.

 

[divinemistress36]

I tried ECT- I had 16 treatments total. It was my last hope. I tried everything before that, including 30 different medications. At first it did help me, I think it even pushed me into the manic side of things a little. I saw improvement within 4/5 sessions. After that though, it was all downhill. I had severe memory loss, short and long term. I was forgetting not only things that happened during the time spam of the treatment periods, but years before that. It is scary, I still suffer from memory loss. Both kinds. I forget huge chunks of my life. I wish I could go back in time and not do it. Every person is different though. Do your research I felt like I had nothing to lose.

It's so heart breaking loosing huge chunks of memory huh. I break down crying when people mention concerts , event, trips I went on with them and I can't remember. My mom brought up my past dogs I had and memories with them and I can't remember I just had a total mental break down. I'm angry at doctors who said the memory loss would be temporary

 

[Buildingsandcastles]

Lurking here. ECT will probably be the next (final?) step after rTMS Im getting now (doesn't work)


I couldn't care less about something as minor as memory loss?? This is about getting my life back. I became suicidal and ended up here . I don't want to die. I want to get better. At this point side effects don't matter.

Or is it really that bad that i should care?

I thought the same way before ECT (well at least I think I don't remember) but it isn't just for past memories, its going forward too (at least for me and others online I have talked to). Memory/cognitive abiltiy is in charge of so many more things than just forgetting some things you've done- it can make it soyou don't know where you are, how to do basic things in daily function, know basic facts about what has happened in the world, how to do a job or a hobby, retaining information to be able to socialize or interact with the world at all. And those made it so any slim chance I had of getting better disappear. There are many physical side effects too I've had that have not gone away in the last 3 years since. But there arent many options and it can help people too. So where are we supposed to go?

 

[Soupster]

ECT is brutal. It does, in most cases, provide a temporary reprieve from symptoms, but it is not a cure. If you go the ECT route expect to have to have multiple courses of treatments that will continue to escalate in intensity and frequency to achieve depreciating results. It's not unlike illicit drug use that way. The more you use it, the more you will need it again and again to approach the effects of the first time you did it.

Others have talked about the side effects here, and if you genuinely consider ECT I hope you thoroughly research and take to heart the accounts here and the potential risks you can find online. If you do decide it is worth it, please thoroughly vet the provider that you're considering and don't go to them just because they are nearby or the most convenient. One mistake on thier part and you can have permenant lasting damage from the treatment.