Have any of you earnestly tried your best down a religious/spiritual/newage path with no results at curbing your SI or life circumstances?

[sovcat]

Sorry for the word-salad title and post, I tried to pack everything I wanted to say in it. I hope this won't turn into a debate. I fully accept that this subject matter is silly to those who don't relate.

Just wondering if anyone can relate to my frustrations. At some point I came to the conclusion that our five senses can't perceive all there is in reality (due to multiple drug experiences). This opened the door for me to explore more esoteric avenues.

I tried praying, meditation, reading scripture, water-fasting for three weeks, fasting and abstaining sexual activity at certain points of the lunar calendar ("sacred secretion"), Neville Goddard, yoga, kundalini-related breathing and exercise techniques, and much more. The full list is long and laughably dumb, but I was really reaching for a spiritual connection out of sheer desperation, a type of connection that MANY people testify having from doing a lot less.

It's frustrating because you hear a lot about "unconditional love" in these sort of circles, and how all you have to do is "just ask for it and receive it bro." Yet, here I am doing all this work over the course of years with nothing to show for it. I know nothing is owed and I sound like a spoiled brat, but it's discouraging. It's like opening the door for God or "love" to come in, meeting halfway and putting in the effort, yet no one shows up. The religious and spiritual will start moving goalposts, saying you didn't do this or that. If you name it, I very likely tried it. Only thing is I haven't tried lately is asking people to pray for me. Seems a bit too selfish to ask for someone flawed like me. I'll only disappoint those people. I had a previous experience with a church group in my youth that prayed for me and I am ashamed of how I turned out despite all their kindness and hope towards me.

After some years, at the end of of my patience, all I started asking for was simply communication from Jesus/God. That's it. I haven't received anything unfortunately.

Anyone else have related experiences?

 

[divinemistress36]

I tried to get into Paganism without success I have friends who seem to be greatly comforted and recieve messages from their Gods. Although I believe in some sort of afterlife and spirits I dont believe they can help my fucked up brain chemistry

 

[fleetingnight]

YES. I really have. It's why I get angry when people tell me to pray or seek religion. I try not to snap if it seems like they're really trying to help, but it's hard. Sometimes I want to scream at them that yeah, I tried that, and now I just feel like multiple gods abandoned me.

They often assume I only ever asked for things and never really tried to be a good member of my religion, and that's just not true. For years, I prayed, attended services, changed who I was, and spent money and effort making offerings and doing things to show my praise and loyalty. If all that's not enough for me to get any help from any god, then nothing will ever be enough, and it feels pointless.

Sorry for going on a rant on your thread. It's kind of a relief to hear someone understand my point of view (even though I'm sorry that you do)

 

[sovcat]

@fleetingnight

I appreciate you posting your experience. Don't be sorry! What those people assumed kind of goes against this idea of "grace" and how it's freely given to those who believe and accept. In terms of money offerings, I'm reminded of a sermon I attended that was just a bunch of guilt tripping to make us fill up the offering plate a little more that week. I sympathize with the church asking for funds, but even that was a bit too much for me.

 

[cait_sith]

I tried my best to get into religions and I just can't get into them. I am certainly not one of these atheists/agnostics that looks down on religious people, I actually admire them because I can see how it can sooth the pain of existence, but no matter how hard I try I can't get myself to believe in anything else than some Gnosticism that has zero positive impact on my outlook on life.

 

[spentspirit]

I tried to return to Judaism, but my mind was filled with too much corrupted kabbalah and poisoned from drug use.

 

[Neon Grave]

My honest opinion is that people who find success in those types of paths are truly delusional and don't have the capability of separating reality from fiction.

I'm sure there are things in this world that we can't perceive, but even if there were gods, why the fuck would they waste their time on a hopeless species like us? It doesn't make any sense.

Horrible people are blessed with fortune. Good people are cursed with illness and loss. Any god worth praying to wouldn't allow that.

 

[riamu]

I desperately wish I could believe in a god, any god. Having a defined meaning in life and for my struggles, a happy afterlife where I could feel truly fulfilled, even just the sense of community that comes with religion. I truly wish for all of them, I just can't convince myself that its real.

I'm genuinely jealous of the religious because even if it all turns out to be fake they got the peace and fulfilment from religion whilst they were alive

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I was a Hindu monk and priest from 17 to 26. Later I formally studied Zen under a teacher, around 34-36. I'm now 46 and am disillusioned with organized religion. I apply my spiritual quandaries in philosophy now.

Looking back I learned a lot from my time with religion, but ultimately feel it did more harm than good.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I can't actually tell you. I have seen some results but like uh.... look I've been called crazy here on this website before and I don't want that happening again. Let's just put it that way.

 

[Ungie]

When I was in deep crisis, I was told to go to Hare Krishnas, so I spent several years trying to practice their ways of meditation, worshipping god, and so on. While in short term I felt some relief, fundamentally it did not solve any problems, but instead made things worse and created more social borders and alienation (ISKCON are good at self-isolating from the society).

However, I believe that spiritual practices not connected to any particular religious cult may be beneficial.

 

[indefinitesleep]

thought i encountered god in the psychward and became a hardcore christian but it was prolly just some psychotic delusion and i stopped 2 months in

 

[baller]

born into a christian family and tried really hard to follow but nothing made sense to me. When I was in school, i was in a youth group, I said 'It's hard for me to pray because so many things happen and if 'god had a plan for them', why'd this happen to them" I don't really remember what they said but nothing resonated with me so was it that important?

I tried paganism as I thought I had connections and maybe if I had the money, I could've sustained it but alas.

I'm getting into philosophy, specifically, Nihilism. It'll probably ruin my life more but such is life.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's either cope or don't cope.

Some people may find relief in believing into sth but actually it's just a coping mechanism that can work for some.

Imo, religions are indoctrinated beliefs but there's nothing real behind it.

 

[indefinitesleep]

It's either cope or don't cope.

Some people may find relief in believing into sth but actually it's just a coping mechanism that can work for some.

Imo, religions are indoctrinated beliefs but there's nothing real behind it.

fact, if god existed hed try a bit harder than just let you guess which of the thousands of options of him is the right one

 

[Praestat_Mori]

fact, if god existed hed try a bit harder than just let you guess which of the thousands of options of him is the right one

Yeah. I would say if there was a "god" or a "creator" who really wanted us to worship them, it'd be a kind of instinct that is the same for everyone. But actually there are many different religions and believes and probably there were already many that have been forgotten.

Everyone thinks they are right without any proves.

 

[axab43]

As a Christian myself for nearly 50 years I don't think it's a coping mechanism as it comes with its own challenges. If I'm delusional, as some people have suggested, I'v been under some strange kind of delusion for 50 years, including through three years of university. The whole premise of Christianity is what a lot of us say on here, that this world is screwed up. Rather than make everyone robots so they obey God without any free will, God sent His Son to die for us to make everything right. (Many will complain at me writing this but the poster did ask!)

Not that I haven't had my doubts .... I have big time but as I said, the point about Christianity is this life is screwed, we will have rubbish times here but we have been given a way to a much better life afterwards. If it's delusional, millions of people through the centuries have all somehow been delusional and been willing to go through torture rather than deny their "delusion" (you'd think delusions would vanish pretty quickly when faced with extreme torture.)

Again, not trying to preach to anyone as I'm messed up anyway. Not God's fault, my own choices and I'm here, trying to think of a way to get "there" (heaven.) I've had enough of all of this going on here/my life and can't take much more, even with believing in the Christian faith.

 

[iji]

but I was really reaching for a spiritual connection out of sheer desperation, a type of connection that MANY people testify having from doing a lot less.

It's not "normal" to feel these type of connections, because they aren't real. I had this type of "connection", but I was actually psychotic in retrospect. If you want psychosis, you can try exposing yourself to very and prolonged stressful situations, sleep deprivation, and some drugs.

meeting halfway and putting in the effort, yet no one shows up. The religious and spiritual will start moving goalposts, saying you didn't do this or that.

I had the same happen to me. But I was asking for better things to came to my life and that I should feel peace. But things actually were getting worse, so people just said I should to try this other thing.. They actually don't want to deal with you, so they create an imaginary story for you to beg for help. It's a harmful deception. If you want unconditional love, it can only come from yourself, because man is not the image of God, but God is the image and ideals of the individual. God is a man-made concept.

I need opinions on Christianity as a current atheist / if joining christianity is a good idea

Context: my parents were both Catholic but had since stopped practicing Christianity and I was raised atheist. I recently started feeling drawn to Christianity but I'm squarely on the fence regarding whether or not I should actually pursue it. My current beliefs are rooted in atheism, + the...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[spentspirit]

My 2c, G-d is dead with the apostasy. The rich stole the true power via the crusades and the Roman Catholic Church, and now humanity suffers because of it.

I'm not terribly optimistic about our future. I think it's hubris to think that we could survive on other planets. We are earthlings, plain and simple, there is no version of reality in which we can leave except if we ascend as energy beings and join G-d.

 

[Edpal247]

I used to be Christian, fairly involved in music ministry and other things. Led a GriefShare group for a few years. I feel like God has abandoned me. Maybe I just screwed things up for myself. idk. Probably more of the latter. Really just want a good dirt nap. No afterlife - please.