I was always a bit of a Tom boy. I rejected a lot of feminine expectations from a young age simply because they didn't appeal. I didn't like pink or pretty cloths. I found dresses and all that paraphernalia far too restrictive. I think my family wanted me to dress better but, they didn't overly push me. (Thankfully.)
I want to make a point of saying at this stage, that I'm not trying to criticize people who do genuinely enjoy all that stuff. This is simply my experience.
I suppose as I grew, that coupled with probably feminist feelings continued the sentiment. I personally found it unpleasant and uncomfortable to wear make up, high heels, tight fitting clothes. It was something I rejected for a long time.
On the one hand, I found it made women physically handicaped. A lot of feminine gear really isn't as practical. Fine if you don't need to be doing practical things but, an added restriction if you are. (Again, my experience, not everyone's I realise.) I also saw it as complying to an expectation to please men. (Not that they don't have those expectations placed on them too.) Even if that's 'natural' although actually, in the animal kingdom, it's often the male that needs to be more striking/ attractive. Anyway though, it's just not something that appealed.
Then, I had the most insane limerent crush on a guy and, everything changed. He was obsessed with thin women. He used to go on about 'zero percent body fat'. (I don't think that's even possible!) So, I lost over 5 stone. Perhaps I should have been grateful- I suppose it made me healthier, (although, it may ultimately have lead to gallstones.) I could certainly do with shifting a few stone again now! (I put it all back on.)
But, I also tried to dress better, in a more feminine way. I wore make up. The final straw was him admiring this woman's nail polish colour. I swore to myself I would never paint my nails. My job is practical for a start, it's near impossible growing out nails. But, I even relented and did that.
I tried to emulate an image I had no time for, (again- not criticizing those who do) all to impress him. It didn't work ultimately and I eventually regressed back to my 'normal' self. I suppose I felt weak and hypocritical for doing it all though. I suppose I don't really agree with conforming to (what I found an) uncomfortable and repressive image. I perhaps don't entirely regret it. I learned from the experience.
A friend's husband happened to make a comment once I was back to my regular, overweight and scruffy self, that I had looked really good. Not in some dodgy, infidelity way. More in a- I think you should return to that. That just further cemented it though. That even fairly nice, considerate guys judge and value your appearance first. I replied that I may have looked nicer but my mind was so screwed up back then. My Dad will do the same. Most discussions about female friends will include an appraisal of how attractive or unattractive they are. Again, not in a bastard, cheating way. More that it is a primary, if not the primary factor for judging.
This likely will have come across as a sexist rant but, that's because I've (obviously) only experienced it from a female perspective. I'm sure that men also find themselves jumping through hoops to impress women. Plus, any type of gender or sexuality. I expect we all feel the pressure to comply to beauty standards.
What are your experiences? If you're happy to share. Have you consciously made changes to attract someone? Did it work? Did you enjoy the process? Did you prefer who you became, if you made it that far? Or, did you start to resent the expectations and changes you made? I guess the ideal is that we are able to be entirely ourselves and still be attractive to someone. I suppose it must happen sometimes!
I want to make a point of saying at this stage, that I'm not trying to criticize people who do genuinely enjoy all that stuff. This is simply my experience.
I suppose as I grew, that coupled with probably feminist feelings continued the sentiment. I personally found it unpleasant and uncomfortable to wear make up, high heels, tight fitting clothes. It was something I rejected for a long time.
On the one hand, I found it made women physically handicaped. A lot of feminine gear really isn't as practical. Fine if you don't need to be doing practical things but, an added restriction if you are. (Again, my experience, not everyone's I realise.) I also saw it as complying to an expectation to please men. (Not that they don't have those expectations placed on them too.) Even if that's 'natural' although actually, in the animal kingdom, it's often the male that needs to be more striking/ attractive. Anyway though, it's just not something that appealed.
Then, I had the most insane limerent crush on a guy and, everything changed. He was obsessed with thin women. He used to go on about 'zero percent body fat'. (I don't think that's even possible!) So, I lost over 5 stone. Perhaps I should have been grateful- I suppose it made me healthier, (although, it may ultimately have lead to gallstones.) I could certainly do with shifting a few stone again now! (I put it all back on.)
But, I also tried to dress better, in a more feminine way. I wore make up. The final straw was him admiring this woman's nail polish colour. I swore to myself I would never paint my nails. My job is practical for a start, it's near impossible growing out nails. But, I even relented and did that.
I tried to emulate an image I had no time for, (again- not criticizing those who do) all to impress him. It didn't work ultimately and I eventually regressed back to my 'normal' self. I suppose I felt weak and hypocritical for doing it all though. I suppose I don't really agree with conforming to (what I found an) uncomfortable and repressive image. I perhaps don't entirely regret it. I learned from the experience.
A friend's husband happened to make a comment once I was back to my regular, overweight and scruffy self, that I had looked really good. Not in some dodgy, infidelity way. More in a- I think you should return to that. That just further cemented it though. That even fairly nice, considerate guys judge and value your appearance first. I replied that I may have looked nicer but my mind was so screwed up back then. My Dad will do the same. Most discussions about female friends will include an appraisal of how attractive or unattractive they are. Again, not in a bastard, cheating way. More that it is a primary, if not the primary factor for judging.
This likely will have come across as a sexist rant but, that's because I've (obviously) only experienced it from a female perspective. I'm sure that men also find themselves jumping through hoops to impress women. Plus, any type of gender or sexuality. I expect we all feel the pressure to comply to beauty standards.
What are your experiences? If you're happy to share. Have you consciously made changes to attract someone? Did it work? Did you enjoy the process? Did you prefer who you became, if you made it that far? Or, did you start to resent the expectations and changes you made? I guess the ideal is that we are able to be entirely ourselves and still be attractive to someone. I suppose it must happen sometimes!
