i have trouble deeply connecting to anyone or feeling more than 50% comfortable but i feel im a pretty typical gen z person - the ironic twist is we are isolated though! the most comfortable i felt with someone was in primary school, talking on the side of the road looking at the stars. i wonder if its easier to connect when people focus on an activity they share or if its when they try to know eachother... well this thread has made me rethink things. i feel like a typical middle class only child (physically) sheltered chronically online western person but again apart of that is being disconnected to the world. i have not found a community or familiarity for the other parts of my sum and ive always been a bit lonerish and i really struggle in groups and feel excluded alot which fuels insecurity then i get a bit frustrated and confused. a lot of it started early in childhood.
what do you think sets you apart from others? i don't ask with conviction, just curious about details of something you think people don't relate to you on. i understand if youd rather not share though. what would belonging look/feel like for you? for me i think its just being able to not put up a front or feel the need to run away or feel ashamed and feeling included and valued and not looked down as the weird one or something, and also doing activities together and everyone having fun. i went to a venue recently, and unlike other lgbt venues which feel a bit unsafe or cliquey it was really welcoming and fun so then the work is mainly on me to talk to people and let people in.
i want to believe and i do observe that many people feel a bit lost or different, but its hard to tell from just looking at strangers especially when theyre in groups. theres alot of posts online about loneliness and not fitting in. theres alot of posts from people disagreeing/not fitting in with their group of people or "stereotype". theres many people we dont see because they arent outside who may feel similar.
Yes, I agree- having a common interest or activity definitely helps. The closest friends I've had have all shared a love for being creative- that's how we met. I also agree that- when it's a niche subject- one that sometimes provokes ridicule even- it's nice to be around people who 'get' why it's so important to you.
That was also interesting about the whole Gen Z thing- that part of the 'stereotype' is to feel isolated. I thought of a couple of clips from films reading your response. One from 'Interview with the Vampire' where the main character is described to be in sync with his era
because he feels so at odds with everything.
In my case, I've always felt a bit mismatched with the era. My Grandma effectively raised me till I was 10 so, I have pretty Victorian, old fashioned, prudish ideas instilled in me. That for one made me feel different.
I wasn't exactly forced into typical femininity- which I'm glad about actually. I guess it's debatable whether people are or whether they feel naturally inclined towards more feminine or masculine things. But, I was allowed to play with more masculine toys and I hated dresses and skirts so, I was allowed to opt for trousers some of the time. I was more of a toy boy really- although, I suppose that in itself is a 'type'. But, I've never felt like I wanted to comply with a lot of the more established/ accepted 'versions' of femininity.
I was always shy and socially uncomfortable/ inept so- that probably also made me feel like I couldn't relate so well to others. It probably also held me back from going through an angsty teenage period. Talking to friends, it sounds like they were fire crackers at that stage! I was too timid for all that. If anything, it feels like that is coming out now in me!
My job is also more niche. I've found that I have little in common with say- people who worked in the office. That's also mainly because a lot had or wanted children so, a lot of the talk was around that. So- I've never really gone through those 'stages' in life- dating, marriage, children, domesticity, family holidays to be able to relate so well there.
I like your definition of 'fitting in' though and, I agree with it. Basically that you feel comfortable enough around others to be able to be yourself. I have felt that on occassion to be fair and, it's a lovely feeling. I've always loved this quote by Dr. Seus:
'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'