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I haven't set a particular date yet, I'm still feeling like my luck might shift... so I want to give something a chance, but I wake up wanting to ctb every day. Every time I think "maybe soon", a specific responsibility or someone's birthday seems to crop up, and I think I'd better leave it until after their birthday.
I can so relate to that, my dad and my 2 brothers each had a birthday in January, February, March and then me in April and I don´t want to ctb the same month they have a birthday plus as you said with the responsibilities like showing up to a birthday party too.
But I don´t have a date since I tried that before and the anxiety get´s too bad when you know the day is coming and I have several times the last few months felt spontaneously ready and I am sure I would actually have had the courage to do it but then it was either on my brother´s birthday at night or I had some responsibilities the next day.
I don't have a specific date right now. However, in October, the country I live in is heading to the polls on the 22nd, and my birthday is on the 31st. The prediction is that the Conservatives will win, and they are lead by a very Homophobic, bible-waving bigot wo will become our Prime Minister. If that happens, I won't live to see the sun come up on the 23rd.
Every single day for the past 3 months. Tonight would be ideal, but as per usual I will lay my head down hoping not to wake up and ironically be up all night until I have to go to work thinking "I should have done it last night"
Every single day for the past 3 months. Tonight would be ideal, but as per usual I will lay my head down hoping not to wake up and ironically be up all night until I have to go to work thinking "I should have done it last night"
I wish I had an event, family or friends or something to look forward to as my reasoning to not go through with it. My luck is not going to change, it's only going go get worse and I know this to be true. My first attempt must be my one and only and I'm so scared to fuck up.
@reginafilangie I'm sorry that you're going through this on your own. Sometimes I almost wish I was so I didn't have the guilt of hurting family, but being alone is hard. I'm scared to fuck up too.
Family is a non-starter. My friends were my family and I acted so horribly in a time of devastating grief and mourning that I lost everyone I had close to me. I went from being the centre of my friend group, the one everyone was "obsessed with" to literally having no one. The damage has been done irreparably (I've tried to fix it) and I can't live like this any longer.
I used to set dates on important anniversaries of my life, but I think setting dates is bad tbqh.
Most people I know who've made it have been trying it consistently over like days, months or years. I feel like with any method you need practice or something, and setting a date creates this huge burden like everytime I was doing anything on one of my set days id be like "Oh its the last time Ill do x,y and z". Plus if Im specific about a method, and I want to do that specific one, then it will take practice to get it right. From everything down to the actual act to the survival instinct.
Now I just try it every night. I feel like I get a little closer everytime, and it just makes me want to do it more. Had I set a date Id be upset and disapointed that I missed it.
Not currently, however, in the past I have, many times. Most oftenly it is an approximate date around a given time frame, because I always like to give myself room in case things don't work out, so I have a 'soft' deadline rather than a 'hard' deadline.
I am in the process of euthanasia still waiting for the team to have time for my case.
But the last weeks i have set my date to july. Mostly because i want to make one more trip to my friends in Italy in june and also my moms birthday.
I told her i have set my plan to july because i am to tired to wait to start the procedure.
Just before my own birthday that will be fine. I dont want to be here any longer just sick of everything i am done.
I haven't set a particular date yet, I'm still feeling like my luck might shift... so I want to give something a chance, but I wake up wanting to ctb every day. Every time I think "maybe soon", a specific responsibility or someone's birthday seems to crop up, and I think I'd better leave it until after their birthday.
I am in the process of euthanasia still waiting for the team to have time for my case.
But the last weeks i have set my date to july. Mostly because i want to make one more trip to my friends in Italy in june and also my moms birthday.
I told her i have set my plan to july because i am to tired to wait to start the procedure.
Just before my own birthday that will be fine. I dont want to be here any longer just sick of everything i am done.
Also no specific date, but I know roughly when and I am sort of working to a deadline. I don't have the same restrictions many here have. I live alone so can do it pretty much whenever I choose.
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