haven't been suicidal for three months, not happy with life but im content

[clarencekiwi]

i just wanted to say, i've been browsing these forums for so long. i made an account to try to figure out how to do it. my pmdd really hurt me, i was suicidal fot at least a week out of every month. everything was so wrong. i couldn't live anymore, and i was so close to committing. something changed. i started a new birth control (depo provera, it has it's own insane side effects so please research before considering), and lamictal. around a week after i started with only 25mg of lamictal and the new birth control, everything changed. i suddenly felt lighter, and never felt the urge to hurt myself. i felt happy, i still kinda do. life is boring, i don't have much going on and don't really have any friendships but jesus, everything changed. i have stopped getting my period, my ovaries have basically shut down, and that has literally saved my life. i really pray i will never have to get my period again, because my period was really the only thing making me suicidal now i realize. life feels hopeful. im still figuring out what i want to do, but at least im figuring out my future life plans rather than future death plans. fuck my ovaries.

 

[sneab]

I have my ups and downs too. Especially when we are down everything's just seems so boring. Ughhhhhhhh it's aggravating.

 

[clarencekiwi]

I have my ups and downs too. Especially when we are down everything's just seems so boring. Ughhhhhhhh it's aggravating.

seriously. i am feeling so much better mentally but the boredom drives me absolutely insane. i am not getting depressed anymore with the new medications, but the boredom is the only thing that makes me sad at this point. it's so hard being happy and lonely at the same time.

 

[sneab]

I hate trying to sleep. I have been laying in bed for what must be over ten hours now. No show is entertaining, lately I feel like I'm playing games not because I enjoy them, but because that's just "what I do"

 

[clarencekiwi]

I hate trying to sleep. I have been laying in bed for what must be over ten hours now. No show is entertaining, lately I feel like I'm playing games not because I enjoy them, but because that's just "what I do"

i feel that so deeply. for me, i got on sleep medications that somehow actually help me sleep. although i wouldn't recommend them. they are intense and addictive, that's where i'm at,. recently i've been doing lots of crafts, painting ceramics, sculpting with clay. refurnishing furniture, karaoke is really nice by myself too. dim the lights and just sing into the microphone. its very calming and im able to let out some emotions through song.
best thing to do is discover your hobbies. it may start with just watching youtube videos or tiktoks about certain topics you're interested in, with enough interest, some part of you feels the need to do that thing, and it can take a while to muster up the courage to buy those things in order to do those things. but once you start them, you learn every time you do it. and you like it. it makes you feel at least neutrally content, rather than constant boredom and sadness,

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

I hope your recovery process continues, and you can find peace and happiness on Earth!