genesisofpasaqalia
i like kali malone's music
- Mar 27, 2023
- 16
tldr life bad
today was a special christian holiday and there were lots of people from my family here, i felt fucking awful because i hadnt gotten any sleep the previous night so i slept until like 1pm, im atheist and my family is already accostumed to me not showing up to things so it didnt rly matter. its now almost 10 pm and my uncle just had a conversation with me talking about career and my future, he mentioned that my other uncle had caught a glance of my phone when i fell asleep on the hammock and it showed some guns or sum (i honestly have no recollection of this i think i was doing xans that day) and he brought it up and i was very confused, i said to him it was probably a music video or sum, its kinda crazy that anybody would think of me like that (im pretty sure he implied i could maybe be a shooter or sum awful shit like that) but its also understandable because the conversation ended with him saying that they dont rly know me, when people ask of me he says im his nephew but doesnt know much beyond that, then he pressured me to find a place to study for a national test for opportunities to get into uni and that was it.
i dont know why, if something caused this while i was growing up, but i just cant communicate and express myself to my family the same way i can with my friends, ive tried plenty of times. and my friends describe me as a hyperactive person and that i wont shut up sometimes, its weird that theres an extreme contrast because if i were to guess my family would probably describe me as emotionless and quiet kept to myself and stuff
i got robbed earlier this week to top it all off, sometimes i feel like life wasnt designed to be lived idk how to describe it, feel like every attempt at better things goes south or just doesnt do much, i dont even know if i should be posting this here or in recovery because i havent made up my mind if i will try or not.
this is rly just me venting you can ignore this post i just wanted to write it down somewhere
btw i looked at my youtube history to try to figure it out and i was watching reactions to the movie city of god and its all about crime so it could be that, but i also dont know when this happened so it could be a number of things
today was a special christian holiday and there were lots of people from my family here, i felt fucking awful because i hadnt gotten any sleep the previous night so i slept until like 1pm, im atheist and my family is already accostumed to me not showing up to things so it didnt rly matter. its now almost 10 pm and my uncle just had a conversation with me talking about career and my future, he mentioned that my other uncle had caught a glance of my phone when i fell asleep on the hammock and it showed some guns or sum (i honestly have no recollection of this i think i was doing xans that day) and he brought it up and i was very confused, i said to him it was probably a music video or sum, its kinda crazy that anybody would think of me like that (im pretty sure he implied i could maybe be a shooter or sum awful shit like that) but its also understandable because the conversation ended with him saying that they dont rly know me, when people ask of me he says im his nephew but doesnt know much beyond that, then he pressured me to find a place to study for a national test for opportunities to get into uni and that was it.
i dont know why, if something caused this while i was growing up, but i just cant communicate and express myself to my family the same way i can with my friends, ive tried plenty of times. and my friends describe me as a hyperactive person and that i wont shut up sometimes, its weird that theres an extreme contrast because if i were to guess my family would probably describe me as emotionless and quiet kept to myself and stuff
i got robbed earlier this week to top it all off, sometimes i feel like life wasnt designed to be lived idk how to describe it, feel like every attempt at better things goes south or just doesnt do much, i dont even know if i should be posting this here or in recovery because i havent made up my mind if i will try or not.
this is rly just me venting you can ignore this post i just wanted to write it down somewhere
btw i looked at my youtube history to try to figure it out and i was watching reactions to the movie city of god and its all about crime so it could be that, but i also dont know when this happened so it could be a number of things
