Having a hard time being suicidal

[SomewhereAlongThe]

Since I got out of the hospital 10 months ago, I've been thinking about suicide. When I first got out I discovered the exit bag, and I thought "that's my dream way to die." I didn't think I could make it happen but behold, now, 10 months later, I've constructed the entire thing. I should be happy, right? Yet, I'm not, and I'm scrambling for a way not to be suicidal. The whole reason why I'm suicidal is because of the fact that I don't have any abilities/talents to get me through life. I have nothing going for me, nothing to occupy myself with. I feel useless and worthless. My friend has the living contrast version of my life, he has artistic talent and ability he uses. I'm Autistic so it always has been important for me to find something to specialize in and immerse myself in that while I stay in my room, but life has not given me much.

Now, I'm feeling down, just trying hard to accept my fate which is I'm better off dead. I don't actually want to recover, I've given up on that.
It's just that when you know the end is near, it's so hard to ease into it. I guess this is it, my time is coming soon.

 

[cali22♡]

Suicidal tendencies are usually related to depression and every fate can be different - life is just sad


Take care
</3

 

[CatLvr]

I agree with @cali22♡ Depression affects EVERYTHING about your life. While I respect your decision to ctb I would just ask, have you tried everything. I mean, the normies of the world may not care for SaSu but so many of us have actually moved past our constant suicidal ideation to trying to help others here find their purpose. Or try to figure out a way to help ease the pain we see others experiencing.

Again, I support any decision you make about your destiny. That, I believe, is one of those inalienable rights we should all have. But if you have any doubts, or anything you need to talk about, or want to try recovery before you take that final step, we are here to help you any way we can.