Venting Having a narcissistic mom

[Rudi]

I'll start off by saying that I don't hate my mom. I kind of have a hate-love relationship with her and that since a couple years now.

Will she ever understand that she isn't always in the right? Cause to me it seems like she never will. I've tried explaining to her that just because she's my mom doesn't mean she will always be in the right. It took me also so long to realise that some parents never grow up, and I believe she is one of these people.
It's such a pain to be in the same house as her sometimes but I'm gonna move out once I have enough money for that anyway.

Today had me so confused. About a few hours ago she asked me to go downstairs and help her carry groceries upstairs (we live on the 5th floor) and when she called me she asked me to literally run and pick those groceries up quickly, because she was already late to some meeting with a friend. I was still in my PJs when I got called by her so I didn't care about changing my clothes and ran down. Except when she saw that I didn't even care to change my clothes she just full on lashed out at me. I ignored her and went upstairs.
When she came back home she saw that I was dressed and said "Yeah you don't need to get dressed now, everyone in that apartment has probably already seen you in PJs" and I replied with "I'm gonna go outside later, that's why"
And she got mad AGAIN and said "And why do you think you can go outside without asking me for permission" like what?? im not a kid anymore. I just shrugged it off and she left my room. I decided to ask her if I can go outside anyway to not get her pissed even more by just leaving the house without saying anything. Her response to my question was just "This time you can. But next time, if you don't ask for permission, I won't let you leave the house. I'll even leave you locked up in here if needed" like are you fucking crazy?? Have you lost your mind completely??

She sometimes gets me so furious and then expects me to talk to her normally and calmly (which I even do, most of the time) but once I talk to her with a slightly louder voice than usual she starts saying shit like "I wish you were never born" Same, mom, same but this is your and dad's fault.
There were also times where she said stuff like "If you're that suicidal then go on and jump out the window" (and our window was open too). She said those things mostly after finding out that I'm suicidal because she had the urge to read through my fucking chats. I'm so mad I can't even describe it.

 

[Ethel]

I understand your feelings,I also have a narcissistic mom,she never thinks she is in the wrong and when she does do wrong,she just stays silent about it or gives everyone the silent treatment,learning that being ignored by your mom whenever she is angry wasn't something normal and common occurrence to everyone was unfortunate

Having a narcissistic mom means that she isn't reliable for emotional needs,be careful with your emotional side and remember to give yourself some time to vent or rest

 

[Rudi]

I understand your feelings,I also have a narcissistic mom,she never thinks she is in the wrong and when she does do wrong,she just stays silent about it or gives everyone the silent treatment,learning that being ignored by your mom whenever she is angry wasn't something normal and common occurrence to everyone was unfortunate

Having a narcissistic mom means that she isn't reliable for emotional needs,be careful with your emotional side and remember to give yourself some time to vent or rest

Genuinely, though.
Sometimes she doesn't talk to me for weeks or months and then expects ME to apologise to her. And I never get what for. I sometimes say "I apologise for [some odd reason that was part of the argument]" and every time she goes "ah so you haven't learned" I don't get it, seriously
Today she yelled so loudly the neighbours knocked on our door and then she blamed me for that.

 

[ElVato]

I can kind of relate.

My mother has severe mental issues of her own, and one of them is that she is absolutely terrified of being wrong. This comes from her quite shitty childhood and teen years, but she is forever locked in a need to prove someone (the world, I suppose) that her decisions are flawless, that nothing wrong may come from them.

This also causes her to create plans for everything, and if her plans start to deviate just a little, she goes into some sort of obsessive fit; she will ignore everything and everyone in an attempt to make her plan go as she conceived it.

She has several other traumas that make her a very unpleasant person to be with, and she excels at repelling people, be it colleagues, relatives, therapists and even me. Much like you mention, I'd say I have a love/hate relationship with my mother. I will never be able to thank her for the sacrifices she's made, but I can't ignore the bullshit she has done either.

I think maturing is realizing that your parents are just like any other human and, as such, they can have many, many flaws. In time, you might come to terms with some of it, not necessarily forgive her, but to accept that it's part of her flaws as a human.