Venting healing from sh

[h4yate]

how has healing from sh been for others? for me its been more depressing than liberating. ive been only like... a week free, and am stopping solely for my partner as hes expressed worry for my wellbeing due to this. looking at both past and recent cuts have me regretting everything. i feel as though ive destroyed my body, tainted it with a stupid little blade.

one part of me wishes i had treated myself better, never picked up a blade. the other half wishes to continue sh. if it werent for my partner, and wasnt for the promise i made to stop, i think i would still be 'painting my arm red.' its a confusing, depressing, wishy-washy recovery,.

 

[itriedinthislife2]

u srurvived ?

 

[Regen]

I also stopped because of my partner at the time. It was incredibly difficult to stop.​

If I had said to myself "I'm quitting forever" it wouldn't have worked because I loved the feeling and was addicted to it. Instead I kept putting it off. I said to myself, I'm not going to do it now, maybe I'll just put it off for another hour. And when that hour was over I said, I'm not going to do it now, maybe I'll put it off until this evening or tomorrow. And so on. When I had a relapse I just kept putting it off. Incredibly it worked for me. And I'm very, very grateful for that.

That was 20 years ago. In those 20 years I had relapses at long intervals. But it never got as bad again. And today most of the days I can't imagine doing it anymore. It would really hurt me (which used to be less) and I have a natural inhibition against hurting myself.

But: I will always be addicted! I still have a longing for that feeling... But it's not urgent and it's bearable. As a rule, I avoid threads about SH as much as possible to protect myself.

And yes, the fact that I've ruined my body visually torments me every day. It's also had a profound effect on my life. Not because it looks ugly, but because of other people's judgments. You can see that it's SH and not some accident scar. Unfortunately, that makes a big difference because you're immediately labeled as a psycho.

I'm always happy for everyone who manages to stop or reduce it. It might take a long time, but once you've done it, it's an incredible and wonderful new freedom. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, don't give up if it doesn't work out.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

As this is the recovery section I want to ask why do you SH? Did it actually solve the issues that made you SH? Ik it's a coping mechanism (like alcohol or drugs) but does it actually solve the issue that causes it?

Idk how u can heal from SH i mean mentally bc this is the part that has to heal I hope your partner understands that they have to be a big support pillar for you now!

Good luck and I hope you can stop SH.