EmptyCurtainCall
Member
- Oct 11, 2024
- 67
this won't be super detailed but i've been hurt again . but this time not by an individual , but my own stupidity . i began to become interested in this guy of a different race (i'm black , he's eastern european) , which is bad news to begin w because slavs aren't very accepting of nonwhite ppl in general . and anyway , we talked for months . we even talked about seeing eachother in person . fast forward we ended up not talking anymore (i stopped speaking to him abruptly) , and i wrote him a letter confessing that i began to have a crush on him . i felt embarrassed because it was clear he didn't feel anything other than basic physical attraction for me , but i'm the type to express my feeling so i went for it . i told him that i felt embarrassed , too . i sent him my letter . he replied hours later (different time zones , it was like 6pm for him and 11am for me , and i sent it at like 12am in my time zone) telling me ofc , he didn't feel the same way towards me and that he wasn't interested in traveling to see me , that his family wouldn't like me and mines prolly wouldn't like his either , and that he was only communicating w me out pity because i previously told him a couple months before that it made me feel really good talking to him . he said that he felt "wrong" for speaking to me , now why he felt wrong , i don't know . i'm too embarrassed to ask at this point because i already said that i understood and that's the last time we'll ever speak . it kind of hurts to know that . i've always felt iffy about interracial relationships bc i'm not confident about love in general , especially not when there's a chance you're being objectified for your color comes into play . i knew becoming interested in a white man would turn out for the worst for me , and sure enough it did . he said he pitied me , and his family wouldn't like me so he doesn't want anything to do w me any further . i 100% understand him not being interested in a black woman and wanting to keep relationships within his own race because that's what most ppl do . but i cant lie and say that it feels good to know that someone who claimed they thought racism was stupid would turn around and say what he said . it made me feel bad , because he admitted everything was disingenuous . he made me feel special when i wasn't , and in the end when i confess , it turns out to be all a ruse . i feel so suicidal . i feel worse . i don't know what to do . i've got a headache , i'm stressed , i want to cry but can't because i'm dehydrated , things aren't going well for me . oh my god .
