• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

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R

Rejection

Member
Oct 13, 2024
9
I signed up on this forum because I've weighed what I've achieved against what I haven't in my 26 years. What I've mostly had are failures, bullying throughout my school years, mockery, and humiliation from both peers and those who were obligated to protect me. In 26 years, I still haven't secured a stable job; I get by each year finding crappy under-the-table gigs for 2-3 months, earning an average of €500 a month while working about 50 hours a week (around 200 hours monthly). I've never had a girlfriend; I've only experienced sex with a prostitute who did things hastily. I haven't felt any kind of pleasure—it's like I'm watching others' lives from behind a glass, enjoying their well-being by imagining myself in their shoes... but then I snap back to reality.

I already knew about this forum; I bought SN in March of this year and intended to use it. What stopped me? My brother adopted a dog, which has become my life. My brother only thinks about gaming, doing drugs, and going out with his girlfriend; he leaves the dog to me and sometimes even forgets to give him water or food. If he doesn't take care of him, the dog could die.

Actually, besides the dog—which I believe is more of an excuse not to "take the bus"—I always hope the situation can improve because I think I've already hit rock bottom, so the only thing worse would be my mother dying, forcing me to live under a bridge. But even then, I'd find a way not to die, maybe by starting to use synthetic drugs. Every time I have the chance, I back out. When I turned 20, I gave my brother a kiss on the head while he was sleeping (since he'd been out partying), then I went to the shooting range, rented a 9x21 S&W, and wanted to shoot myself in the mouth. I didn't do it; I emptied the whole magazine into the target and left.

I don't know how to keep going; psychologists have always threatened me with involuntary commitment when I talked about suicide, so they're pretty much useless.
 
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petiterat

petiterat

What could be better than death?
Oct 13, 2024
31
Hii, I'm new here too!

I recently adopted a dog for myself, and she's the only thing keeping me going. They're amazing creatures!

I think that you're a beautiful person for caring for a dog that you have no obligation to care for. Unfortunately, shitty things happen to beautiful people. I'm sure you know that comparsion is the thief of joy. You're doing yourself no favour by comparing your achievments to others. It's such a hard thing to unlearn how to do, it takes time, but it is most definitely possible. This is YOUR life, and you're taking it at your own pace, whatever that may be. Be kind to yourself.

You've been around for 26 years, and sure, they've been hard, but look at you! You're still going, and rising above it all. I know how you feel when you say you're watching other's lives; it feels like I've taken a backseat to my own.

I won't try to stop you from committing, if that's still the plan. I know that I will once I get my hands on some SN. I just want you to know that myself, and everyone else on this forum is here for you <3
 
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